#96: GODZILLA 2000: MILLENNIUM

 

STARRING: Takehiro Murata, Hiroshi Abe, Naomi Nishida, Mayu Suzuki and Shiro Sano. Written by Hiroshi Kashiwabara and Wataru Mimura. Directed by Takao Okawara. Budget $13 million. Box office $28 million. Running time 107 minutes. Originally released in 1999.

As any regular readers of my blog will know, when it comes to the movies of Godzilla I am utterly blind to his failings, indeed apart from the odd blimp I consider them to be works of near perfection. I've been a fan since I first saw a picture of him in my Octopus book of Science Fiction when I was ten years old and now 52 years later I'm getting to see Godzilla films on the big screen, whenever the Barbican shows them, which brings us to this!

The 24th official Godzilla film and the first of the Millennium era. Made after the 1998 Tri-Star Godzilla movie written and directed by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich. G2K:M was the first Toho film in five years and was rushed into production months after the Tri-Star effort, it presented Godzilla as an out-and-out villain, a raging, furious force of nature. The suit (worn by Tsutomu Kitagawa) was based on the 'KingGoji' suit from 1962's King Kong vs. Godzilla and features big eyes, massive dorsal fins, pointy little ears, oh and a mouth full of huge fangs. In this film he's actually scary, just the way I like him!   

The plot, not that there's much of one, sees a million(s) year old sunken UFO recovered from the seabed when Godzilla decides its time to do a bit of stomping. Turns out the UFO is here to prepare the Earth for colonisation, while two teams of Godzilla watches try to predict, in one case, his movements while the other camp want to kill him. Queue a series of increasingly destructive engagements leading to one final showdown in the streets of Tokyo between an alien clone of Godzilla and the Big G himself in some utterly apocalyptic destruction. God, I miss the days of men in rubber suits trashing scale models of Tokyo.  

As always Toho try to fill the background or secondary plot with meaningful human characters, in this case two teams of people tracking and chasing Godzilla and as always you somehow come to care for them. But it's not them you come for in a Godzilla film, it's the main event himself and in this he doesn't disappoint. The destruction nicely augmented with CGI is brilliant and the scale perfectly handled. 

This was an exhilarating, rambunctious romp that managed to pull off something truly special by making the Big G actually feel incredibly threatening and scary! In the opening 20 minutes one group of our plucky heroes find themselves literally facing off with Godzilla and you truly feel the scale and the absolute terror an actual encounter with him would ellicit. As always in these Godzilla films you get a real feel for the collateral damage and actual scale of disaster, far more so than with the recent Hollywood films. That said, I can't say this one resonated with me as much as All Out Monster Attack (the second Millennium film), it's a tad too poe-faced for me and a little bit repetitive, but it's still filled with spectacular action set-pieces and scenes or extraordinary destruction. 

This is only the second time that a subtitled version of the film has ever been screened for an audience in this country and the chances of it ever being screened again are slim to say the least. 

A glorious, romp of monster mayhem, masterfully managed by the people who know him best. 

8/10 

#95: RESIDENT EVIL

 

STARRING: Austin Abrams, Zach Cherry, Kali Reis, Paul Walter Hauser. Written by Zach Cregger and Shay Hatten. Directed by Zach Creger. Based on Resident Evil by Capcom. Budget $75 million. Running time 95 minutes. 

Bryan (Austin Abrams) is a medical courier looking to finish for the night and go home to his newly pregnant girlfriend, Michelle (Sara Paxton) and discuss their future, that is until he's given a double fee job to transport a medical freezer bag to Racoon General Hospital and heads off into a snow blizzard where he accidentally runs down an old woman and everything goes wrong in ways so bizarre, so outrageous, so gory and so goddam insane that you'll start questioning your own sanity. 

Austin Abrams is perfect for this film, a nerd, a wimp forced to fight for his life using only skills he's learned from playing video games and at points in the film he finds those skills sorely wanting. 

Directed by Zach Cherry, the genius behind Weapons and Barbarian, who also co-wrote the script for this fantastically gory and exhilarating romp. He manages to honour the mechanics of the game itself with knowing little nods, like Bryan arriving at the hospital at the beginning of the film, filmed from behind, and having to decide whether to turn left or right, or the search of the abandoned farm house for ammo, or the absolutely delightful meta gag of Bryan drinking milk from a bottle and eating cereal straight from a box called 'Life'. Similarly Bryan keeps levelling up his weapons and even finds himself counting his rapidly diminishing meagre ammo, or his constant failure to shot padlocks, then there's the clever use of first person shoot 'em ups, as Bryan searches deserted corridors and sewers. Likewise there's a gorgous 'iris out' scene break where the actual forest slowly engulfs the hero's car as he drives off into the distance. 

This is a film packed with excellent jump scares, which don't telegraph themselves, plus revelations that are sure to cause gasps of horror, they made me gasp. The soundtrack is perfectly suited to the absolute gory bloodbath you're about to experience and never intrudes. And through it all runs a superb, thick vein of comedy that helps to break the spell, and boy do you need it. 

The audience seemed to unite as one, seeking comradeship in shared laughter at the horror unleashed upon them. It was a much need release, as the horror just kept building until the astonishing final boss level showdown at the top of a 28 storey hospital. 

Referencing a slew of famous horror films, like The Thing, Evil Dead, Day of the Dead, and channelling Train to Busan, this powers through the running time furiously and leaves you dazed but never bored, you find yourself rooting for Bryan and hoping he'll somehow managed to survive it all, only time will tell...

Goddam it I loved this, it was a fantastically fun and furious gross-out romp, brilliantly and hilarious gory, with The Thing inspired split-headed creatures and multi-limbed monstrosities, and more tentacles than a Shokushu Goukan. This was a horrific and deranged horror romp that totally nailed the landing and for once didn't bottle it, right down to the insane final shot. 

9/10 

#94: BAD APPLES

 

STARRING: Saoirse Ronan, Eddie Waller, Nina Brown, Jacob Anderson, Rakie Ayola, Robert Emms, Sean Gilder and Kerry Howard. Written by Jess O'Kane, story by Jonatan Etzler and Jess O'Kane. Based on De Oonskade by Rasmus Lindgren. Directed by Jonatan Etzler. Running time 101 minutes.

Primary school treacher, Maria Spencer (Saoirse Ronan) is having a bad old time of it, she's disliked by the parents of her students, the school's Head and staff think she's incompetent, her boyfriend's dumped her, her Scandinavian home is a building site and her life is been made a living hell by one of her 10 year-old students, Danny (Eddie Waller). He's a rage ball and utterly uncontrollable, violently disrupting classes and school outings, defying her and bullying all and sundry. On the verge of an Ofsted visit, Danny pushes fellow student, Pauline (Nia Brown) down a staircase and breaks her arm and he's suspended. When Maria tries to tell Danny's father Josh (Robert Emms) she ends up 'accidentally' kidnapping Danny and locking him in her basement. Over the next six weeks her life is transformed with his disappearance, her class thrives, the parents love her, and even her ex-boyfriend - the schools' deputy Head Sam (Jacob Anderson) sees her in a different light. However, Maria has a second problem student, Pauline (Nina Brown) who's fixated on Maria and blackmails her when she discovers Danny is locked in the basement. The town every man jack of them, save for Josh, thrives now that Danny's missing and things come to a head during a PTA meeting. 

This is Saoirse Ronan's film, she is superb bringing a desperate weariness to her portrayal of Maria, she's a victim of fate, and even the kidnapping isn't what it seems, and yet with Danny now her prisoner a bond develops between the pair of them and we get a glimpse of his life and reasons why he might be so horrible. This is when the film is at its strongest, the connection between her and him is great and offers an intriguing plot point, but this is squandered with the progressively more unhinged Pauline whose antics just cause you to groan in frustration. The film is soon to be revealed to be a black comedy and although laughs are in short supply it does have its moments. 

There are several plot points that seem to offer different routes which are ignored and a major plot hole late in the third act derail the whole thing.

There was a similar film out this year called The Good Boy starring Stephen Graham and Andrea Risenborough which covered a similar set up but with more skill. This can't decide what it is and ultimately leaves you feeling a little flat.

7/10  

#93: THE TRUMAN SHOW

 

STARRING:  Jim Carrey, Laura Linney, Noah Emmerich, Natascha McElhone, Holland Taylor and Ed Harris. Written by Andrew Niccol. Directed by Peter Weir. Music by Burkhard Dallwitz, Philip Glass and Wojciech Kilar. Budget $60 million. Box office $264 million. Running time 103 minutes. Originally released in 1998.

Written by Andrew Niccol and directed by Peter Weir this 28 year-old film seems more prescient with each passing year, predicting with apparent witchcraftian ease the prolific growth of reality TV. Jim Carey is Truman Burbank, the unknowing star of a world-famous live TV show called The Truman Show. His whole fabricated life, from birth has been broadcast live to the world to see. He spends his days in a fictitious costal town of Seahaven Island working as an insurance broker, and even his mother (Holland Taylor), his wife, Nurse Meryle Truman (Laura Linney) and child-hood best friend, Louis Coltrane (Noah Emmerich) are just actors playing out lines read to them through their ear-pieces. And from his office in the moon, Christof (Ed Harris) the god-like figure who produces and directs the Truman Show watches over Truman dictating every minute of his life. But Truman has an urge to explore, to travel the world and when, one day, he narrowly avoids death from a falling spotlight Truman begins to see the cracks in his reality and realise his world might be something else, something sinister and he sets out to escape, while the whole world watches with baited breath.

What a profoundly moving film this is, a brilliantly brisk 103 minutes of cinematic gold, funny, tragic and emotionally moving. Nowadays it would be an eight-part Netflix series, with one filler episode and dragged out across eight hours, although it wouldn't surprise me if there wasn't one in the works already.

But this glorious little film is a modern marvel, emotionally moving, powerful and superbly acted, Jim Carey is a revelation and showed in this one film that he could act and well, keeping his little comedic gimmicks in check apart from his crazy dance in the car and the rain storm on the beach and playing it straight. He's gone on to prove he was more than a clown in both Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Man in the Moon. In this you'll find yourself drawn to his plight and rooting for him, yearning him on and when at last he triumphs you feel as if you've escaped too. Similarly the music is exceptional and the use of the main Truman hero music twice, first as he defies the system, and then when he finally sailing free. There's also a strange feeling of anti-climax at the end when you realise just how different and difficult his life is about to become and it's bittersweet despite the fact he's broken free, you want to know he's going to be safe and you wonder whether he'll be able to find true love with Sylvia, or if she'll turn out to be just an obsessive fan. And what of poor Christof, the other prisoner of the show, what now for him now that Truman has escaped, for him his life is effectively over there'll never be another event like The Truman Show for him while Truman himself is going to become a global megastar forever in the spotlight and glare of publicity. I'm sure there'll come a time for him when he realises he was never freer than when he was a prisoner of Seaheaven. 

If I had one criticism it would be the length (which is what my wife said to me on our wedding night) I wish it was longer (also what she said to me). Normally I winge about films being too long, but every now and then I watch a film and wish it was longer, this, Blade Runner, The Paper, Master and Commander and Spatacus. Actually, I'm lying about that last one, it's perfect just the length it is (which is what I said back to my wife on our wedding night).

One day, I'll find my own way out of the David Leach Show*, but until then I'll have to make do with Truman's adventure. Perfection is rare, so is this. 10/10

*FOOTNOTE:
Actually, if you're interested in reading David's own adventures in the real world then check out his autobiographical graphic novel David Leach Conquers the Universe available direct from the author and Dead Universe Comics in Aylesbury. It's all true!

#92: TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE (ANIMATED) 40TH ANNIVERSARY

 

STARRING: Eric Idle, Judd Nelson, Lenoard Nimoy, Robert Stack, Lionel Stander and Orson Welles. Screenplay by Ron Friedman and Flint Dille. Directed by Nelson Shin. Music by Vince DiCola. Animation companies Sunbow Productions, Marvel Productions and Toei Animation. Budget $6 million. Box office $5.9million. Running time 85 minutes. Originally released in 1986.

Sorry to swear right off the bat, but FUCK those godawful live action Transformers movies, every goddam one of them from the first five truly hateful Michael Bay abominations: 2007's Transformers, 2009's Revenge of the Fallen, 2011's Dark of the Moon, Age of Extinction in 2014 and the fucking, unbelievably atrocious The Last Knight in 2017 which brought to an end a decade-long cultural attack that Michael Bay vomitted over the world. Then, just one year later Travis Knight spat out Bubblebee, and finally to add insult to injury Steven Caple Jr ejaculated Rise of the Beasts all over us in 2023. 

Those eight live-action movies went to gross over $5.42 billion dollars worldwide, proving that age-old adage of 50 million files eating shit can't be wrong. And so to this, the hand-animated animated feature film that's celebrating its 40th anniversary. Unlike other 40th Anniversary films that have been released this year, this is the only one I've not seen on the big screen and I went as eager as a proverbial beaver to see it. I've seen it a dozen or more so times on video and DVD, but up there on the big screen, never! 

Enough rambling, old man, tell us of the film, tell us of its plot, then describe the experience and final wrap it up in a pithy final paragraph before scoring it out of 10 like you normally bloody do!

The plot to this 40 year old film is just about as bonkers as you can get, indeed as I sit here and write I realise there wasn't a plot, there was just a series of explosions linked by a limitless number of transforming robots. There was the giant planet sized one, Unicron voiced by Orson Welles he wanted the gem thingie from Optimus Prime's chest and then there was Megatron leader of the Deceptorcons who also wanted it. He launched an all-out attack on Earth which finally killed Optimus, forcing him to hand the power gem thingie to Ultra Magnus, and Megatron was mortally wounded and revived by Unicorn and told to destroy the power gem crystal thingie. So he chases the Autobots around a bit, until they crash on a junk planet, get captured by some sort of fish-like Trannies, then Unicorn attacked the Transformers home world, and the lead Ultra Magnus gets killed and Megatron tries to double cross Unicorn, but gets eaten, so then the other Autobots unite the Trannies on the junk planet and they attack Unicorn, put out his eyes and blow him up killing him, but not before bringing Ultra Magnus back to life with the Matrix, that's what the glowing gem stone crystal thing was, the power Matrix. And then the film ends.  

Jesus that wasn't good, sure my nostalgia for it was strong but even that couldn't help. I know I'm blind to the short-comings of Godzilla films, but not so this. At the end of the day this was a badly animated 85 odd minute toy advert with some truly awful heavy metal songs thrown in. It's repetitive, confusing, and utterly baffling. Then Eric Idle turns up spouting not one line of dialogue, just an endless stream of random TV jingles and ads, at times this film seems to almost Dada-esque in its approach. And spare a thought for Orson Welles in his last ever movie, his voice hidden behind filters to make it almost unrecognisable, save for his last weary death groan as Unicrom get his head chopped off.

But damn it if it wasn't oddly entertaining at the same time. The hand-drawn animation of gigantic planet transforming was spectacular, Unicrom when he finally transforms is amazing but sadly it's not enough. The robots change size quicker than a Conservative heading to Reform, I mean at one point Megatron is huge, then next he's sitting in the fist of another having transformed into a gun. And the ones that go from robot to Boom box and then eject tiny cassettes which transform into little robots. And Grimlock, the sodding transforming dinosaur, who is so stupid he has to be pushed up the ramp of a spaceship to escape death. The dialogue is just sound bits and catchphrases and the voice acting is painful. This is  looks like a 85 minute long Saturday morning cartoon. It's cheap looking and scrappy and repetitive and packed full of stupid plot points and holes.

But, and I say this in all honesty, it was still somehow stupidly enjoyable! The cinema was packed, the audience of students and dads taking their kids were up for it and enjoyed it, laughing and revelling in the chaos, and it was 1000% better than all of the other animated films trailers before it. Seriously each and every one were just the same generic sassy, wacky kids flicks, all CGI animated and all looked exactly like each other. At least this looked different, infinitely different and I'd watch it over all those in a heartbeat. 

Despite all its many failings this is still better than each and every one of those motherfucking, godawful live-action Transformers film put together.

7/10

P.S.

For all you film nerds out there. Name the other film Orson Welles and Robert Culp starred in? 

#91: RUNNER

 

STARRING: Alan Ritchson, Owen Wilson, Rodrigo Santoro and Leila George. Written by Miles Hubley and Tommy White. Directed by Scott Waugh. Budget $35 million. 

This one caught me unawares, I only became aware of it last week as part of a comparison with the new Gal Gadot film, The Runner, with which this shares half the same title. 

The plot to this one sees 'runner' divorced ex-Seal, ex-alcoholic Hank Malone (Alan Ritchson) living on a house boat in Melbourne Harbour. He's a Deliveroo driver, although when we first meet him he's busy doing the following, engraving a girl's name into a tiny padlock, eating French sandwiches and learning French. He's stoic, tacit, somber, sober and solemn. You see he's atoning for his past. He makes a living driving 'hi-end' stuff around town, like endangered golden parrots, Subway orders, or forcefully picking up belligerent politicians for a government vote (don't ask). Meanwhile, Ben Bishop (Owen Wilson) makes his living as a different sort of runner, flying round the world in first class and delivering organs for transplant, in this case a liver (in a codeword protected hi-tech freezer box) for a little girl who's lying in a hospital and slowly dying. Hank arrives at the airport to pick up the organ and parks beside a huge black SUV, with blacked out windows. I wonder it that'll play a part later? Hank agrees to take Ben to the hospital and we learn that if the freezer box's temperature goes above 8 degrees or if it takes longer than five hours to deliver will expire. So off they go, along with the mysterious black suv with the blacked out windows. 

WITHIN seconds the baddies, who were in the all-black SUV with the blacked out windows, ambushes them leading to the first of many full-out gun battles, in the streets of Melbourne, which will leave scores of nameless tattooed henchmen dead, but oddly enough not from gun shots. No, because of Alan Ritchson's massive size, the man is simply humongous, all of the henchmen are literally broken into pieces, arms, legs snapped, backs broken, necks bent into pretzels,  faces are crushed with single punches, and many people are killed, including random bystanders, who are shot, but not by Hank. Luckily the Australian police aren't on hand to investigate any of this and the chase between Hankben (Ritchson and Owen, to save time) and the baddies led by psychotic Rodrigo Santoro (Damian Zaldivar), he's one of those baddies who executes his heavily tatooed henchmen as a lesson to the others. It's clearly a lesson that the others don't learn as they continue to get stuff wrong. Actually, the reason he, Rodrigo, doesn't kill those who fail him is because the Hank half of Hankben does, in horribly brutal ways. Add to that the following: an old woman dying of the exact same thing as the little girl, a kidnapped surgeon, a mole in the hospital where the little girl is staying, an ex-wife with a spare car, when Hankben's car is destroyed. A vengeful second tier henchman. Oh and to make things more time sensitive, the cooler box and one half of Hankben gets ventilated with a hole meaning time is running out. And that's the plot from then on, Hankben get chased, steal a car, crash the car, bicker, banter and get into one incredibly violent fist/gun fight after another. Then just repeat till the insane final showdown in the hospital where everything just goes batshit crazy and one half of Hankben gets shot, stabbed multiple times with a stiletto and an actual bone saw, and here's a clue, it's not Owen Wilson. Then, finally the police show up and the film ends with a coda of one half of Hankben in Paris honouring their dead daughter from the character backstory. 

Fast, violent, and moderately fun. Apparently it's a lot more fun than The Runner. The Australian setting makes it look fresh and the weather and sun look lovely. The effects and car stunts augmented by CGI are in the Fast and Furious school of car physics, but it does suffer from ridiculous plot contrivances and holes and it's painfully clear that logic is clearly asked to step away from the plot at points during the film to make the whole thing somehow work. 

It would have been made for a tenth of the budget back in the 80s by Canon and probably starred Charles Brosnson, or Chuck Norris, but while this is on it's fine. Nothing big, it's amusing, very violent and utterly over the top and Alan Ritchson is clearly being groomed as the next big action hero. I'm still hoping for the day he becomes Doc Savage. 

Anyway this, well it's okay. But you'll do just as well with it at home than at the cinema. 

6/10

#90: INDEPENDENCE DAY

STARRING: Will Smith, Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, Ary McDonnell, Judd Hirsch, Margaret Colin, Randy Quaid, Robert Loggia, James Rebhorn, Vivica A. Fox, Adam Baldwin, Brent Spiner, Harry Connick Jr. and Harvey Fierstein. Written by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich. Produced by Dean Devlin. Directed by Roland Emmerich. Music by David Arnold. Budget $75 million. Box office: $817 million. Running time 145 minutes. Originally released in 1996

Featuring over 3000 special effect shots, the majority of which were practical, to 'save money', including the glorious iconic shot of the White House getting utterly destroyed, as well as some truly spectacular scenes of utter devastation of skyscrappers exploding, streets on fire and a world obliterated. The legend goes that it was written over a month-long holiday in Mexico, green lit by 20th Century Fox chairman Peter Chernin just one day after it was pitched, and put into pre-production just three days later! This film exploded onto our screens and psyches 30 years ago to humungous applause and insane cheering and just devoured the box office. It took over $50.2 million on its opening three-day weekend and spent the next 10 weeks at number #1, ultimately finishing its cinematic run with over $817 million. It slammed Will Smith on the map cementing his legend as a leading man for years to come, and also blasted Jeff Goldblum onto the A List, and it's without doubt one of the most exhilarating, exciting, and entertaining science fiction blockbusters ever made and it just never gets old or boring. 

The plot sees 15 mile wide flying saucers take up position above key points across the globe and then launch a planetary-wide wave of utter destruction. From then on we follow a rag-tag team of heroes as they at first fight to survive, then unite together, before fighting back in pure Hollywood style, but only after the President of the United States of mother-fucking America (Bill Pullman) has given the greatest mother-fucking speech in the history of the world (and cinema) to rally the troops for one glorious mother-fucking counter-attack, while eco scientist David (Jeff Goldblum) and ace pilot Stephen Hiller (Will Smith) fly a stolen alien fighter craft right in the heart of the mother-fucking alien mother ship to deliver Earth's mother-fucking payback in the most ludicrous way possible and all you can do is cheer! 

What a thrill ride, what a treat! What a mother-fucking fantastic film! Back on the big screen to celebrate it's 40th anniversary. I loved this the first time I saw this at a multi-media preview in London in 1996, where the entire crowd of hardened, cynical critics cheered as one and applauded at the president's speech. By no means could this be called high-brow, or clever, or intellectual, but what you can call it is an utter delight, and sod the need to call it a 'guilty pleasure'. The fact that 40 years after its release it's coming back and people want to see it proves what a total classic it is. This is utterly unapologetically the purest popcorn movie ever made, it revels in its own trashiness, it honours the history of the science fiction B-Movie and it stands tall and proud and shouts, I'm loud, I'm proud, I'm goddam bloody epic, me!

I for one refuse to find fault with it, or scoff at it, or sneer, I don't care if the dialogue is lame or cliched, I don't mind a jote if it's just a B-Movie, I bloody love B-movies and I bloody love this. It's a throwback to a simpler time, it's almost a Hollywood WWII movie in style, the gungho attitude the rugged heroes fighting back against a much bigger enemy, and its not ashamed to be downright and outrageously fun!

I was lucky enough to see this several years ago at the Royal Albert hall with a full live orchestra and it was sublime! This time round it's just as nature intended but on the biggest screen High Wycombe has to offer! if you get yourself a chance, do yourself a favour and go and see this on the big screen, sit as close as you can to the screen and just get ready to be utterly entertained. It's defo not clever, but boy, is it big, epically BIG!

10 out of mother-fucking 10, bitch!