Directed by Danny Boyle. Starring James McAvoy, Vincent Cassell and Rosario Dawson.
It's a heist film, mixed with a twisty, turnie psychological mind shag, to say anymore might be to reveal too much about the plot and spoil it. So I won't. Even if I could. Which I'm not sure I could.
The film follows McAvoy as he undergoes hypnotherapy at the hands of Rosario Dawson after a violent head trauma following a auction house robbery. Under the watchful eyes of Vincent Cassell's gang McAvoy goes into a number of trances to find out the location of the missing painting and his true nature is, or isn't revealed.
Along the way the line between fact and fiction and what is or isn't reality becomes blurred. The film delights in this confusion and edged with a nice dose of black humour makes of an intriguing and always watchable experience that'll leave you guessing right up to the end.
I find Danny Boyle to be an always exciting and interesting director, he's certainly no artist for hire and seems to pick his projects with real care, one minute a crime thriller, the next science fiction, then horror and last time round a film about an idiot trapped under a rock.
In this he handles the labyrinthine plot with real skill and never loses control of it, the direction is stylish and artful without being pretentious. And in fact, Boyle seems to delight in the complexities of the plot that never manages to become confusing, even when it's at its most complicated and baffling.
A great cast, lead by Vincent Cassell and a well cast James McAvoy who's character here is far more believable than the one he played in Welcome to the Punch.
Overall, a nice, complex film with a nice line in gore, violence and some really nice black comedy.
Oh and the sound track is superb too.
7/10
Sunday 31 March 2013
Saturday 30 March 2013
MY LIFE IN MOVIES: AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MY LIFE TOLD IN 15 FILMS
This is my life up to
date in 15 movies. Star Wars isn't there, but if it was it would be no. 5. and my memory of that isn't the film itself, which was awesome - before Lucas fiddled with it too much- but it was a pictorial feature in the first ever 2000AD Summer Special and a radio report I heard while on holiday with my family. I saw it three times in the first week, and twice on the first day I saw it. The queue stretched around the cinema twice!
My Life in 15 movies.
1. 1969. The Italian Job. The first non Disney film my mother ever took me to see. For a long time that scene were Michael Caine laughs and says, 'all of them' stayed with me for years and years!
2. 1972. ABC Minors, Buck Rogers and the CFF. My Saturday morning routine, a badge, an old serial, a Children's Film Foundation movie and a 2 penny toffee chew. The perfect Saturday morning.
3. 1975. BOND: My first Bond film was Live and Let Die and it was part of a double bill along with Man with the Golden Gun. My mum thought the films weren't appropriate and so I went to see these with a friend of mine and his older brother. Wow, I felt so grown up. I'd long been obsessed with James Bond, ever since I'd seen the poster of Diamonds are Forever, which completely ignited my imagination, and an episode of the Golden Shot which focused on From Russia With Love. In fact, I collected the books long before I could read them and understand them, just for the amazing covers.
4. 1975. Jaws. Oh my god! That man died! I thought as I watched Robert Shaw being eaten by a shark. God I love that film!
5. 1977. The Incredible melting Man. My first date movie, (LD) It was at the Northfields Odeon, a cinema built in the Spanish school of architecture. I bought her a Mars bar, but we didn't kiss or anything, there was a film on!
6. 1979. Life of Brian - The first time I ever got to first base with a girl, (JL). She wore a string top which accounts for my fetish, I suppose. ABC 3 Ealing, downstairs, on the left back row. It would be several years later till I finally watched the whole film.
7. 1979. My First 'X' Film, I wish I could say Alien, which I saw a week later, but it was actually Quadrophenia. ABC 1 Ealing.
8. 1980. Game of Death at the Empire, Bridgetown, Barbados. Sadly long shut down, but what a thrill. My first Bruce Lee film, my god that man was a god! Barbados was also fantastic, I was 16 and had my first cigarette to impress my cousins, Stephen and Natalie. I spent two months on that island and fell in love with it.
9. 1981. The Exorcist scared the crap out of me, I had to walk down the middle of the road on the way home. West Ealing Lido.
10. 1982. Bladerunner - I saw this at the Shaftsbury Ave Odeon as it was in 1982, it was a special Starburst preview. I sat on the right hand side of the theatre and the excitement I felt was glorious, when the lights went down and first the Alan Ladd logo came on and then the fireball in the eyeball, a shiver rose up my back. I knew I was going to love it and I did.
11. 1986. The Wraith, the last film I saw as a single man.
12. 1987. Crocodile Dundee the first film I saw with my now wife.
13. 2002. 101 Dalmations, the first film I took my daughter to see. Barbican
14. 2010. Kick Ass the first 15 cert film I bunked my daughter in to see when she was just 10. High Wycombe Cineworld.
15. 2012. Avengers Assembled. Two months before this film, I found myself suffering from a what I thought was a massive heart attack. As horrible pain radiated out from the center of my chest and into my arms, I was sweating, over-ventilating and panicing. At the time I was sat in the Trocodero cinema in Piccadilly watching Rampart. An ambulance was called and I found myself rigged up to an EEG machine having my heart monitored. As I lay there, three thoughts went through my mind.
My Life in 15 movies.
1. 1969. The Italian Job. The first non Disney film my mother ever took me to see. For a long time that scene were Michael Caine laughs and says, 'all of them' stayed with me for years and years!
2. 1972. ABC Minors, Buck Rogers and the CFF. My Saturday morning routine, a badge, an old serial, a Children's Film Foundation movie and a 2 penny toffee chew. The perfect Saturday morning.
3. 1975. BOND: My first Bond film was Live and Let Die and it was part of a double bill along with Man with the Golden Gun. My mum thought the films weren't appropriate and so I went to see these with a friend of mine and his older brother. Wow, I felt so grown up. I'd long been obsessed with James Bond, ever since I'd seen the poster of Diamonds are Forever, which completely ignited my imagination, and an episode of the Golden Shot which focused on From Russia With Love. In fact, I collected the books long before I could read them and understand them, just for the amazing covers.
4. 1975. Jaws. Oh my god! That man died! I thought as I watched Robert Shaw being eaten by a shark. God I love that film!
5. 1977. The Incredible melting Man. My first date movie, (LD) It was at the Northfields Odeon, a cinema built in the Spanish school of architecture. I bought her a Mars bar, but we didn't kiss or anything, there was a film on!
6. 1979. Life of Brian - The first time I ever got to first base with a girl, (JL). She wore a string top which accounts for my fetish, I suppose. ABC 3 Ealing, downstairs, on the left back row. It would be several years later till I finally watched the whole film.
7. 1979. My First 'X' Film, I wish I could say Alien, which I saw a week later, but it was actually Quadrophenia. ABC 1 Ealing.
8. 1980. Game of Death at the Empire, Bridgetown, Barbados. Sadly long shut down, but what a thrill. My first Bruce Lee film, my god that man was a god! Barbados was also fantastic, I was 16 and had my first cigarette to impress my cousins, Stephen and Natalie. I spent two months on that island and fell in love with it.
9. 1981. The Exorcist scared the crap out of me, I had to walk down the middle of the road on the way home. West Ealing Lido.
10. 1982. Bladerunner - I saw this at the Shaftsbury Ave Odeon as it was in 1982, it was a special Starburst preview. I sat on the right hand side of the theatre and the excitement I felt was glorious, when the lights went down and first the Alan Ladd logo came on and then the fireball in the eyeball, a shiver rose up my back. I knew I was going to love it and I did.
11. 1986. The Wraith, the last film I saw as a single man.
12. 1987. Crocodile Dundee the first film I saw with my now wife.
13. 2002. 101 Dalmations, the first film I took my daughter to see. Barbican
14. 2010. Kick Ass the first 15 cert film I bunked my daughter in to see when she was just 10. High Wycombe Cineworld.
15. 2012. Avengers Assembled. Two months before this film, I found myself suffering from a what I thought was a massive heart attack. As horrible pain radiated out from the center of my chest and into my arms, I was sweating, over-ventilating and panicing. At the time I was sat in the Trocodero cinema in Piccadilly watching Rampart. An ambulance was called and I found myself rigged up to an EEG machine having my heart monitored. As I lay there, three thoughts went through my mind.
- Oh my god, I'm never going to see my children again, I'm not going to see them grown up!
- Oh my god, I'm never going to see Pet again and tell her I love her!
- I'm going to miss the Avengers!
Friday 29 March 2013
#32 THE HOST (29.3.13)
Saorise Ronan, Max Irons, Boyd Holbrook, Diane Kruger, William Hurt, written and directed by Andrew Niccol.
Earth has been taken over by parasitic aliens who have transformed the world, ridding it of povety, war and disease all in exchange of free will. But when teenager Melanie (Saorise Ronan) is captured by the Seekers and taken over by a thousand year-old alien traveler called, Wanderer, she fights back. Somehow she manages to convince her alien host to help her reunite with her boyfriend and brother and the remnants of the human resistance living in a hippy commune somewhere secret in the Nevada desert under the protection of said girl's uncle played by William Hurt, there to add a spot of class to the proceedings.
Stephanie Myers has much to be guilty of, she wrote the Twat-light books which were made into the terrible Twat-light movies starring human cardboard cut-out Kristen Stewart and Robert Paterson who, if he was a super-hero would be known as 'Chin Man, or just 'The Chin', or perhaps the 'Dark Chin' so rugged and chiseled is his awesome chin. That series of films dealt with a love triangle between a dead behind-the-eyes, pouting, angst-riden, teenage, personality-free girl, a one-hundred year-old, vampiric pedophile and a Native-American were-poodle.
In this film, Stephanie Myers ups the love angles to create a new type of situation, the Love Quadrangle. Cue much earnest mugging and chaste kissing while mankind, or at least woman-kind learns to love the alien.
From the trailer I was expecting something more cerebral and though-provoking and not so much chaste kissing (no tongues) and staggeringly earnest young men, who - when they weren't slapping the shit out of Saorise Ronan, were intent on kissing her, when she wasn't slapping them. In a world controlled by alien parasites everyone is very serious and prone to slapping each other really hard in the face. The aliens are staggering peaceful and the humans heroically stoic. Apart from the slapping of course.
If only they could all just get along. But, what do you know, in the end, love conquers all. Well if it was good enough for Captain Kirk it's good enough for me.
I hate teenagers at the best of times and in this I just loathed them, vile and ghastly species I long for a film where an enlightened alien arrives on Earth and starts slaughtering teenagers because on his world they are the enemy. I'm hoping I get cast as the Alien. It's going to be called: I Was a Teenage Killer From Out of Space.
Sadly this didn't live up to the classy trailer and I found myself a tad bored by the whole thing. I'm grateful there wasn't a huge battle at the end or a neat and tidy conclusion but it all felt just too toothless.
Special mention goes to Saorise Ronan, who is an excellent actress and very beautiful too. She last rocked my world in the hit-girl movie Hanna directed by Joe Wright and I look forward to what she does next.
5/10
Earth has been taken over by parasitic aliens who have transformed the world, ridding it of povety, war and disease all in exchange of free will. But when teenager Melanie (Saorise Ronan) is captured by the Seekers and taken over by a thousand year-old alien traveler called, Wanderer, she fights back. Somehow she manages to convince her alien host to help her reunite with her boyfriend and brother and the remnants of the human resistance living in a hippy commune somewhere secret in the Nevada desert under the protection of said girl's uncle played by William Hurt, there to add a spot of class to the proceedings.
Stephanie Myers has much to be guilty of, she wrote the Twat-light books which were made into the terrible Twat-light movies starring human cardboard cut-out Kristen Stewart and Robert Paterson who, if he was a super-hero would be known as 'Chin Man, or just 'The Chin', or perhaps the 'Dark Chin' so rugged and chiseled is his awesome chin. That series of films dealt with a love triangle between a dead behind-the-eyes, pouting, angst-riden, teenage, personality-free girl, a one-hundred year-old, vampiric pedophile and a Native-American were-poodle.
In this film, Stephanie Myers ups the love angles to create a new type of situation, the Love Quadrangle. Cue much earnest mugging and chaste kissing while mankind, or at least woman-kind learns to love the alien.
From the trailer I was expecting something more cerebral and though-provoking and not so much chaste kissing (no tongues) and staggeringly earnest young men, who - when they weren't slapping the shit out of Saorise Ronan, were intent on kissing her, when she wasn't slapping them. In a world controlled by alien parasites everyone is very serious and prone to slapping each other really hard in the face. The aliens are staggering peaceful and the humans heroically stoic. Apart from the slapping of course.
If only they could all just get along. But, what do you know, in the end, love conquers all. Well if it was good enough for Captain Kirk it's good enough for me.
I hate teenagers at the best of times and in this I just loathed them, vile and ghastly species I long for a film where an enlightened alien arrives on Earth and starts slaughtering teenagers because on his world they are the enemy. I'm hoping I get cast as the Alien. It's going to be called: I Was a Teenage Killer From Out of Space.
Sadly this didn't live up to the classy trailer and I found myself a tad bored by the whole thing. I'm grateful there wasn't a huge battle at the end or a neat and tidy conclusion but it all felt just too toothless.
Special mention goes to Saorise Ronan, who is an excellent actress and very beautiful too. She last rocked my world in the hit-girl movie Hanna directed by Joe Wright and I look forward to what she does next.
5/10
#31 G.I. JOE: RETALIATION (29.3.13)
DWAYNE JOHNSON, JONATHAN PRYCE, BRUCE WILLIS, CHANNING TATUM.
THE G.I. JOES ARE IMPLICATED IN A POLITICAL ASSASSINATION IN THE EYES OF THE WORLD'S MEDIA AND BROUGHT TO JUSTICE BY A 'NOT-WHAT-HE -SEEMS' PRESIDENT. ACTUALLY WHO CARES, WHAT THE PLOT IS, THE FILM MAKERS DIDN'T AND I CERTAINLY DON'T.
THIS IS THE FIRST FILM TO PROUDLY DO AWAY WITH THE WHOLE OLD-FASHIONED IDEA OF A PLOT AND JUST SHOOT LOTS OF PEOPLE SHOOTING GUNS, FIGHTING, CHOPPING, SLICING OR DICING EACH OTHER UP (WITHOUT EVER DROPPING A SINGLE DROP OF BLOOD), BLOWING STUFF UP AND DRIVING, FLYING OR STEERING EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF MILITARY EQUIPMENT THAT THE US OWNS ON LAND, SEA AND AIR!
THE FIRST FILM WAS CLEARLY WRITTEN BY A GROUP OF 10-YEAR-OLDS WHO WERE ALL VERY HIGH ON SUGAR AND FIZZY POP!
LUCKILY FOR ALL CONCERNED, HOLLYWOOD VERY CLEVERLY DECIDED NOT TO FALL INTO THE SAME TRAP WITH THIS SEQUEL BY COMPLETELY IGNORING THE NEED OF A SCRIPT!
INSTEAD, WHAT THEY DID WAS TO FILM A GROUP OF BOYS ALL PLAYING A HUGE WAR GAME AND THEN JUST DUPLICATE IT FOR A MOVIE WITH LOTS OF STUNT MEN AND THE COMBINED MIGHT OF EVERY CGI COMPANY IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE!
THIS IS WITHOUT DOUBT THE MOST RELENTLESS SILLY, RIDICULOUS AND OVER-THE-TOP ACTION FILM I HAVE SEEN IN AGES! THERE ARE ATOMIC MISSILES, WHOLE CITIES OBLITERATED, MILLIONS OF ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION FIRED AND MORE NINJA AND SWORD FIGHTS THAN I COULD COUNT!
AND EVERY WORD OF DIALOGUE COULD EASILY BE REPLACED BY THE WORD RHUBARB AND IT WOULDN'T MAKE THE BLIND BIT OF DIFFERENCE!
IF YOU WANT A TOUCHING, MOVIE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND EMOTIONS THEN LOOK AWAY BUT IF YOU'RE A BOY OVER THE AGE OF 7 YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE EVERY GODDAM SECOND OF THIS UTTERLY, CRITIC-PROOF, INSANE PIECE OF CINEMATIC INSANITY! I KNOW I DID!
CLEARLY WHEN SOMETHING IS LOUDER, BIGGER AND FASTER THAN ITS PREDECESSOR IT'S OBVIOUSLY BETTER!
7/10!!!!!
THE G.I. JOES ARE IMPLICATED IN A POLITICAL ASSASSINATION IN THE EYES OF THE WORLD'S MEDIA AND BROUGHT TO JUSTICE BY A 'NOT-WHAT-HE -SEEMS' PRESIDENT. ACTUALLY WHO CARES, WHAT THE PLOT IS, THE FILM MAKERS DIDN'T AND I CERTAINLY DON'T.
THIS IS THE FIRST FILM TO PROUDLY DO AWAY WITH THE WHOLE OLD-FASHIONED IDEA OF A PLOT AND JUST SHOOT LOTS OF PEOPLE SHOOTING GUNS, FIGHTING, CHOPPING, SLICING OR DICING EACH OTHER UP (WITHOUT EVER DROPPING A SINGLE DROP OF BLOOD), BLOWING STUFF UP AND DRIVING, FLYING OR STEERING EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF MILITARY EQUIPMENT THAT THE US OWNS ON LAND, SEA AND AIR!
THE FIRST FILM WAS CLEARLY WRITTEN BY A GROUP OF 10-YEAR-OLDS WHO WERE ALL VERY HIGH ON SUGAR AND FIZZY POP!
LUCKILY FOR ALL CONCERNED, HOLLYWOOD VERY CLEVERLY DECIDED NOT TO FALL INTO THE SAME TRAP WITH THIS SEQUEL BY COMPLETELY IGNORING THE NEED OF A SCRIPT!
INSTEAD, WHAT THEY DID WAS TO FILM A GROUP OF BOYS ALL PLAYING A HUGE WAR GAME AND THEN JUST DUPLICATE IT FOR A MOVIE WITH LOTS OF STUNT MEN AND THE COMBINED MIGHT OF EVERY CGI COMPANY IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE!
THIS IS WITHOUT DOUBT THE MOST RELENTLESS SILLY, RIDICULOUS AND OVER-THE-TOP ACTION FILM I HAVE SEEN IN AGES! THERE ARE ATOMIC MISSILES, WHOLE CITIES OBLITERATED, MILLIONS OF ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION FIRED AND MORE NINJA AND SWORD FIGHTS THAN I COULD COUNT!
AND EVERY WORD OF DIALOGUE COULD EASILY BE REPLACED BY THE WORD RHUBARB AND IT WOULDN'T MAKE THE BLIND BIT OF DIFFERENCE!
IF YOU WANT A TOUCHING, MOVIE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND EMOTIONS THEN LOOK AWAY BUT IF YOU'RE A BOY OVER THE AGE OF 7 YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE EVERY GODDAM SECOND OF THIS UTTERLY, CRITIC-PROOF, INSANE PIECE OF CINEMATIC INSANITY! I KNOW I DID!
CLEARLY WHEN SOMETHING IS LOUDER, BIGGER AND FASTER THAN ITS PREDECESSOR IT'S OBVIOUSLY BETTER!
7/10!!!!!
#30 POINT BLANK (25.3.13)
Lee Marvin, Angie Dickinson, John Vernon, Keenan Wynn. Directed by John Boorman
Having been betrayed and left for dead by his partner and wife, following a successful heist, career criminal Walker is back for revenge and his $96,000 share of the loot. Machine-like Walker lives up to his name by endlessly walking from one lead to the next, following his stolen loot back up the foodchain to the head of the West Coast mob.
Hollywood has long been keen on the Parker books written by Donald Westlake under the pseudonym of Richard Stark. And Point Blank is an adaptation of the first book in that series, The Hunter, which was later remade by Mel Gibson in 1999 and called Payback. And early this month, saw the release of Jason Statham's film - Parker, yet another Parker book adaptation this time of Butcher's Moon. it was also the first time that the character was actually called Parker. Westlake never gave his permission when he was alive.
ANYWAY. What of the film itself? Well, it's a masterpiece. Made in 1967, it's a beautifully shot, crisply edited 91 minute masterpiece, from the note-perfect casting of Lee Marvin as Parker, to the sublime sexiness of Angie Dickinson. It has a nasty, savage quality and a brutal relentlessness, coupled with a strange, dream-like that makes the film feel other-wordly. At times, it feels as if the whole film is nothing more than the wish-fulfillment of a man as he lies, bullet-ridden on the floor of a disused prison waiting to die. Marvin is never less than utterly mesmerising in his single-minded pursuit of revenge and payback and the film is filled with incredibly powerful scenes of real power and emotional force.
Filled with superb scenes, sudden violence and a haunting soundtrack, it's worth noting that this was only Boorman's second movie, and the first he shot in colour. Lee Marvin hand picked him and them did something astonishing by gifting him final-cut and script approval, thereby making him studio proof and ensuring that the finished film was his through and through.
Nowadays it's only ever seen on TV so to catch it again on the big screen was a real treat. And in terms of relevance it more than holds its own against modern crime thrillers, and then some!
10/10
Having been betrayed and left for dead by his partner and wife, following a successful heist, career criminal Walker is back for revenge and his $96,000 share of the loot. Machine-like Walker lives up to his name by endlessly walking from one lead to the next, following his stolen loot back up the foodchain to the head of the West Coast mob.
Hollywood has long been keen on the Parker books written by Donald Westlake under the pseudonym of Richard Stark. And Point Blank is an adaptation of the first book in that series, The Hunter, which was later remade by Mel Gibson in 1999 and called Payback. And early this month, saw the release of Jason Statham's film - Parker, yet another Parker book adaptation this time of Butcher's Moon. it was also the first time that the character was actually called Parker. Westlake never gave his permission when he was alive.
ANYWAY. What of the film itself? Well, it's a masterpiece. Made in 1967, it's a beautifully shot, crisply edited 91 minute masterpiece, from the note-perfect casting of Lee Marvin as Parker, to the sublime sexiness of Angie Dickinson. It has a nasty, savage quality and a brutal relentlessness, coupled with a strange, dream-like that makes the film feel other-wordly. At times, it feels as if the whole film is nothing more than the wish-fulfillment of a man as he lies, bullet-ridden on the floor of a disused prison waiting to die. Marvin is never less than utterly mesmerising in his single-minded pursuit of revenge and payback and the film is filled with incredibly powerful scenes of real power and emotional force.
Filled with superb scenes, sudden violence and a haunting soundtrack, it's worth noting that this was only Boorman's second movie, and the first he shot in colour. Lee Marvin hand picked him and them did something astonishing by gifting him final-cut and script approval, thereby making him studio proof and ensuring that the finished film was his through and through.
Nowadays it's only ever seen on TV so to catch it again on the big screen was a real treat. And in terms of relevance it more than holds its own against modern crime thrillers, and then some!
10/10
Sunday 24 March 2013
#29 JACK THE GIANT SLAYER (23.3.13)
This is Jack and the Bean Stalk re imagined for the 21st Century, which means a back-story for the Giants and a big battle at the end. Apparently this is now a set-in-stone stipulation for all films based on classic works, that there has to be a big, fuck-off battle at the end of the film.
Actually, I have to say that, this wasn't that bad! I know, right? And that despite initial worries and gripes I found myself actually enjoying this, a-lot!
I was convinced, following the vileness of Snore White and the Kuntsman and Vandal and Cretin: Bitch Hunters, that Jack was going to be another big-budget, Hollywood balls-up of a classic fairy tale, but I was wrong!
Bryan Singer has done a pretty bang-up job on this and mixes just the right amount of humour and action, he's helped by a terrific cast lead by Nicholas Hoult who just gets better and better, but all of the actors give it their all, Tucci is great fun! The action is good, the Giants are MASSIVE and very well animated, each has his own character and look. It's also pretty gory which means it's a 12a certificate, so it's not going to be the best thing to take an under eight to. And best of all, it's not too long and there's no horrendous fake American accents!
Baxter, my 9-year old son, loved it and gave it an 8/10. But I'm only inclined to give it a 7/10!
#28 RED DAWN (21.3.13)
Re-make of John Milius and Kevin Reynolds cult 80's classic Brat Pack movie starring Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, C.Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson, Harry Dean Stanton and Powers Boothe. In that awesome film, the Soviet Union invade Middle America and a group of high school kids become guerrilla soldiers and fight back. It's a fantastic film and very nearly fault free.
This remake stars a bunch of bland, generic, cover models taking the roles of the plucky kids, while Thor and The Comedian fill-in for Patrick Swayze and Powers Boothe. And because the Soviet Union is gone we have to make do with North Korean as the baddies. Frankly after watching this spineless, toothless, smug, satisfying piece of shit, I was really disappointed they didn't win.
In the far-superior original, we see the kids accidentally becoming freedom fighters and learning their trade, we see the self doubt of their actions and the brashness of youth. We see them, over the course of months, and through trial-and-error become jaded, guerrilla fighters and battle weary adults.
But that takes too long, so in this we get a quick montage scene, where Hemsworth, who's luckily a Marine on leave, gives the kids lessons in basic training and before you can say, what a load of bollocks, they're wiping out entire divisions of soldiers with IDWs and taking out tanks with bottles of Pepsi Max and a packet of Mentos.
Along the way, some of the kids die, so why not play the Red Dawn 'Who Dies First' game and try and guess who and when it's going to happen?
Also, because we now live in the 21st Century we need a love story and a whole new story where our plucky band of twats have to snatch a Macguffin from the Koreans, while emoting and pouting.
Gone are the well-staged ambushes of the original, the tragic helicopter attack that finally breaks the will of the Wolverines, the trial and execution of one of their own and the last ditch, suicide attack by Swayze and Sheen on the enemy head quarters that creates a legend. Instead, we get a series of action scenes as a group of kids fight North Korean army, killing only the guilty and two brothers bond.
I was really looking forward to an extended scene where these stupid, red-neck cover models get captured and tortured in long graphic detail but sadly that didn't happen either.
2/10
This remake stars a bunch of bland, generic, cover models taking the roles of the plucky kids, while Thor and The Comedian fill-in for Patrick Swayze and Powers Boothe. And because the Soviet Union is gone we have to make do with North Korean as the baddies. Frankly after watching this spineless, toothless, smug, satisfying piece of shit, I was really disappointed they didn't win.
In the far-superior original, we see the kids accidentally becoming freedom fighters and learning their trade, we see the self doubt of their actions and the brashness of youth. We see them, over the course of months, and through trial-and-error become jaded, guerrilla fighters and battle weary adults.
But that takes too long, so in this we get a quick montage scene, where Hemsworth, who's luckily a Marine on leave, gives the kids lessons in basic training and before you can say, what a load of bollocks, they're wiping out entire divisions of soldiers with IDWs and taking out tanks with bottles of Pepsi Max and a packet of Mentos.
Along the way, some of the kids die, so why not play the Red Dawn 'Who Dies First' game and try and guess who and when it's going to happen?
Also, because we now live in the 21st Century we need a love story and a whole new story where our plucky band of twats have to snatch a Macguffin from the Koreans, while emoting and pouting.
Gone are the well-staged ambushes of the original, the tragic helicopter attack that finally breaks the will of the Wolverines, the trial and execution of one of their own and the last ditch, suicide attack by Swayze and Sheen on the enemy head quarters that creates a legend. Instead, we get a series of action scenes as a group of kids fight North Korean army, killing only the guilty and two brothers bond.
I was really looking forward to an extended scene where these stupid, red-neck cover models get captured and tortured in long graphic detail but sadly that didn't happen either.
2/10
Saturday 23 March 2013
#27 [YOU'RE] WELCOME TO THE PUNCH 19.3.13
Mark Strong, James McAvoy, David Morrissey, Peter Mulan and Andrea Riseborough.
British crime drama.
Mark Strong is, Jacob Sternwood a super-intelligent, super-crimbo, super-supreme, deep-pan pizza of a villain with extra anchovies and cheese, who carries out a hugely successful heist in Canary Wharf and retires to the good life in Iceland, in the process he shoots obsessive, straight-arrow, detective, DCI Max Straight-Arrow in the leg. I should point out that his surname isn't actually 'Straight-Arrow', it just seemed appropriate, his real surname is Lewinsky but the film doesn't mention if he's got an American cousin or not, I like to think he does.
ANYWAY.
Some years later, Sternwood is forced to come out of retirement and back to big smoke for his son, who's just starting out on a criminal career of his own, and stumbles onto a political scandal that goes all the way to the top and, not only brings him face-to-face with his old nemesis, but also a super-secret, mercenary outfit, an unhinged ex-army killer with a mummy fixation AND the combined ranks of Scotland Yard! Crikey, it's no wonder they say crime doesn't pay. Although who this 'they' are and why they keep coming up with the best quotes is beyond me.
So, in the meantime we have Mark Strong, who just eats not just the scenery but every other actor (apart from Peter Mulan) off the screen with his craft, my god that man is good, he's always watchable and has a real magnetic screen presence. In this movie he plays the sort of criminal super-genius, with an honour-code, you only find in the movies. You know the sort, he can take out highly trained SWAT teams (admittedly they're Icelandic SWAT teams but still) like they were a bunch of off-duty, community support officers on a paint-balling holiday, sneak in and out of London whenever he likes, evade the entire, combined might of the Metropolitan Police Force, shoot the eyes out of a fly at 50 yards, which he does at one point in the film, fire a couple of machine guns while diving in slow motion through a night club while an entire battalion of baddies with machine guns spray every inch of space in hot, super-sonic lead and a whole host of other awesome and amazing things and that's before he's even had his breakfast!
This isn't a bad film, the action sequences are great and it looks superb, at long last a British crime film, filmed in London, with British money that doesn't look like Britain, finally our film makers have found out how to make any city in the world look like the US, mainly film it at night and turn on every light they can find.
So, this is action-packed, cliche-packed and drama-packed, it doesn't offend, it's not too long, it has a brilliant s-l-o-w – m-o-t-i-o-n shoot-out in an old-lady's front room, which is fantastic and hilarious in equal measure and it's got Mark Strong, who I don't think I've mentioned yet. In fact, all-in-all, it wasn't all that bad.
Oh and it also starred James McAvoy who was everything else that Mark Strong wasn't, right down to his weedy accent and stupid limp. He's not terrible, he's just miscast and he's just not Mark Strong or Peter Mulan.
7/10
British crime drama.
Mark Strong is, Jacob Sternwood a super-intelligent, super-crimbo, super-supreme, deep-pan pizza of a villain with extra anchovies and cheese, who carries out a hugely successful heist in Canary Wharf and retires to the good life in Iceland, in the process he shoots obsessive, straight-arrow, detective, DCI Max Straight-Arrow in the leg. I should point out that his surname isn't actually 'Straight-Arrow', it just seemed appropriate, his real surname is Lewinsky but the film doesn't mention if he's got an American cousin or not, I like to think he does.
ANYWAY.
Some years later, Sternwood is forced to come out of retirement and back to big smoke for his son, who's just starting out on a criminal career of his own, and stumbles onto a political scandal that goes all the way to the top and, not only brings him face-to-face with his old nemesis, but also a super-secret, mercenary outfit, an unhinged ex-army killer with a mummy fixation AND the combined ranks of Scotland Yard! Crikey, it's no wonder they say crime doesn't pay. Although who this 'they' are and why they keep coming up with the best quotes is beyond me.
So, in the meantime we have Mark Strong, who just eats not just the scenery but every other actor (apart from Peter Mulan) off the screen with his craft, my god that man is good, he's always watchable and has a real magnetic screen presence. In this movie he plays the sort of criminal super-genius, with an honour-code, you only find in the movies. You know the sort, he can take out highly trained SWAT teams (admittedly they're Icelandic SWAT teams but still) like they were a bunch of off-duty, community support officers on a paint-balling holiday, sneak in and out of London whenever he likes, evade the entire, combined might of the Metropolitan Police Force, shoot the eyes out of a fly at 50 yards, which he does at one point in the film, fire a couple of machine guns while diving in slow motion through a night club while an entire battalion of baddies with machine guns spray every inch of space in hot, super-sonic lead and a whole host of other awesome and amazing things and that's before he's even had his breakfast!
This isn't a bad film, the action sequences are great and it looks superb, at long last a British crime film, filmed in London, with British money that doesn't look like Britain, finally our film makers have found out how to make any city in the world look like the US, mainly film it at night and turn on every light they can find.
So, this is action-packed, cliche-packed and drama-packed, it doesn't offend, it's not too long, it has a brilliant s-l-o-w – m-o-t-i-o-n shoot-out in an old-lady's front room, which is fantastic and hilarious in equal measure and it's got Mark Strong, who I don't think I've mentioned yet. In fact, all-in-all, it wasn't all that bad.
Oh and it also starred James McAvoy who was everything else that Mark Strong wasn't, right down to his weedy accent and stupid limp. He's not terrible, he's just miscast and he's just not Mark Strong or Peter Mulan.
7/10
Sunday 17 March 2013
Wild Hogs
Alas I didn't get to the cinema this weekend, instead I spent most of it stuck on trains traveling to and from Wales, a journey always more enjoyable on the way back.
Anyway, there I was stuck in the 'quiet carriage' which was as it should be since I was producing SBD*s all the way there, bored when what should I spy being watched two seats forward on the other side of the aisle with the subtitles on?
Only the comedy film, Wild Hogs staring John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence and William Macy! With supporting cast that included Ray Liotta, Marisa Tomei and Peter Fonda!
So much talent, so much shit, so ghastly, so unfunny, so generic, so embarrassing, so perfect as a metaphor for a journey to Wales.
Seriously how do films like this get made? And how does talent of the likes of Liotta and Marisa Tomei make peace with themselves after that sort of thing? I mean I know the old story of these actors needing to pay their mortgages and I believe it, but come on, please tell me they at least sacked their agents?
I laughed twice, and both of those times involved William Macy falling off his motorbike and getting smacked in the face.
What I hated most was that there had to be a valuable life lesson learned by our four biker dude buddies, about friendship and trust and being honest and 'living-the-dream' and blah blah blah.
And talking about friendship, there's a total lack of chemistry between these four juggernauts of the silverscreen. There's no way they'd hang out together in the real-world and it shows up there on the screen. You just know that the second the director drunkenly slurred the word 'cut' into his megaphone on the final shot, that those four actors didn't even wait for the word to end before they were out of there, dropping their costumes on the ground before climbing into their limos, cursing the name of their co-stars and wishing they had half the talent of William 'smack-me-in-the-face-again' Macy.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe these four friends do gather in the 'real world' to share a brew and dog. Maybe, they have film nights (I imagine it's on a Wednesday, to break up the week) where they gather to watch each others films. The odd thing is, that whenever is Martin Lawrence's turn, the other three are always busy. But don't worry Martin still sits back and watches them.
The sad thing is, despite all of that, this was still the highlight of my weekend.
3/10
*Silent But Deadly
Anyway, there I was stuck in the 'quiet carriage' which was as it should be since I was producing SBD*s all the way there, bored when what should I spy being watched two seats forward on the other side of the aisle with the subtitles on?
Only the comedy film, Wild Hogs staring John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence and William Macy! With supporting cast that included Ray Liotta, Marisa Tomei and Peter Fonda!
So much talent, so much shit, so ghastly, so unfunny, so generic, so embarrassing, so perfect as a metaphor for a journey to Wales.
Seriously how do films like this get made? And how does talent of the likes of Liotta and Marisa Tomei make peace with themselves after that sort of thing? I mean I know the old story of these actors needing to pay their mortgages and I believe it, but come on, please tell me they at least sacked their agents?
I laughed twice, and both of those times involved William Macy falling off his motorbike and getting smacked in the face.
What I hated most was that there had to be a valuable life lesson learned by our four biker dude buddies, about friendship and trust and being honest and 'living-the-dream' and blah blah blah.
And talking about friendship, there's a total lack of chemistry between these four juggernauts of the silverscreen. There's no way they'd hang out together in the real-world and it shows up there on the screen. You just know that the second the director drunkenly slurred the word 'cut' into his megaphone on the final shot, that those four actors didn't even wait for the word to end before they were out of there, dropping their costumes on the ground before climbing into their limos, cursing the name of their co-stars and wishing they had half the talent of William 'smack-me-in-the-face-again' Macy.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe these four friends do gather in the 'real world' to share a brew and dog. Maybe, they have film nights (I imagine it's on a Wednesday, to break up the week) where they gather to watch each others films. The odd thing is, that whenever is Martin Lawrence's turn, the other three are always busy. But don't worry Martin still sits back and watches them.
The sad thing is, despite all of that, this was still the highlight of my weekend.
3/10
*Silent But Deadly
FILM #26 STOKER (14.3.13)
Bloody hell that was a good un'! Talk about twisted and black, a really sinister little beast of a film, this one. It looked stunning, the performances are superb, as is the direction and the editing is masterful, particularly some of the scene transitions! There's a cut in the film which goes for a girl having her hair brushed to a scene of tall grass blowing in the wind in one move, which made me gasp. Beautiful.
This film is filled with such lovely, and elegant moments, there's a fantastically sexually charged scene played out by two of the characters while dueting on the piano which left me in awe of the skill of its Korean director, Chan Wook-Park - the legendary film maker behind Old Boy, Lady Vengeance, Sympathy of Mr. Vengeance and Thirst. This is his first western film and fears he would end up neutered like John Woo remain unrealised.
The story, in a nutter shell. Following the death of her father, Alice in Wonderland's Mia Wasikowska, has to cope the arrival of neither-to-unkwown uncle, the Watchman's Mathew Goode who takes a not-too-healthy interest in his 18 year-old niece, while her emotionally damaged mother, BMX Bandit's, Nicole Kidman in turn becomes infatuated with him. But as he plays each off against the other, the true purpose behind his masterful manipulations begins to become horrifically clear.
The film builds and builds and is never less than utterly engaging. The ending is inevitable but that isn't really bad since the journey getting there was so deranged.
This is a film you'll find yourself thinking about, over and over, especially the next time you take a shower.
Catch it if you can.
9/10
This film is filled with such lovely, and elegant moments, there's a fantastically sexually charged scene played out by two of the characters while dueting on the piano which left me in awe of the skill of its Korean director, Chan Wook-Park - the legendary film maker behind Old Boy, Lady Vengeance, Sympathy of Mr. Vengeance and Thirst. This is his first western film and fears he would end up neutered like John Woo remain unrealised.
The story, in a nutter shell. Following the death of her father, Alice in Wonderland's Mia Wasikowska, has to cope the arrival of neither-to-unkwown uncle, the Watchman's Mathew Goode who takes a not-too-healthy interest in his 18 year-old niece, while her emotionally damaged mother, BMX Bandit's, Nicole Kidman in turn becomes infatuated with him. But as he plays each off against the other, the true purpose behind his masterful manipulations begins to become horrifically clear.
The film builds and builds and is never less than utterly engaging. The ending is inevitable but that isn't really bad since the journey getting there was so deranged.
This is a film you'll find yourself thinking about, over and over, especially the next time you take a shower.
Catch it if you can.
9/10
Saturday 16 March 2013
FILM #25 SIDE EFFECTS - (11.3.13)
It's Stephen Sodabread's last film! You know, the bloke what directed Ocean's 11-13 (I can't remember who directed the first 12), but I do know he killed that particular franchise! After 13 there was never another!
He also directed that one with the porn star in it and that other one with the female mixed marital artist. His last film was the one where Tony Stark's girlfriend gets a killer cold, Jason Bourne stayed at home with his daughter and Jude Law experimented with a terrible Australian Accent, I think it was called Contagion.
So, here we are at the supposed end of his cinematic career and what do we have? In a nutshell, a young depressed, suicidal woman (Ronney Mara) gets put on a wonder drug by her doctor, Jude Law, with disastrous results and her husband (Chatum Channing) suffers.
It's a turning, twisting thriller that completely pulls the rug on you 3/4 of the way thru, which was nice. Overall, it's entertaining and well acted. But not enough to end such an extraordinaryly entertaining career. I hope this isn't the last we've seen of Stefan Sonarburg.
8/10
He also directed that one with the porn star in it and that other one with the female mixed marital artist. His last film was the one where Tony Stark's girlfriend gets a killer cold, Jason Bourne stayed at home with his daughter and Jude Law experimented with a terrible Australian Accent, I think it was called Contagion.
So, here we are at the supposed end of his cinematic career and what do we have? In a nutshell, a young depressed, suicidal woman (Ronney Mara) gets put on a wonder drug by her doctor, Jude Law, with disastrous results and her husband (Chatum Channing) suffers.
It's a turning, twisting thriller that completely pulls the rug on you 3/4 of the way thru, which was nice. Overall, it's entertaining and well acted. But not enough to end such an extraordinaryly entertaining career. I hope this isn't the last we've seen of Stefan Sonarburg.
8/10
Saturday 9 March 2013
FILM #24_OZ: THE GREAT AND POWERFUL - (10.3.13)
Sam Raimi directed, starring James Franco, Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz, Michelle Williams and Zach Braff. It's the prequel to Wizard of Oz! If you've ever wondered what the origin story of the Wizard of Oz is, wonder no more, it's all here, all 130 minutes of it in glorious, eye-aching 3D, CGI, pixel-enhanced, technicolour glory!
This is a beautiful, simply beautiful film, with every scene from the early black and white Kansas shots to the genuinely staggering, full-colour vistas of Oz a delight to behold and so rich and filled with detail! Look you can count each and every brick in the yellow brick road! Look at how spectacular that Emerald City looks, gasp at the beauty of the porcelain girl, now marvel at that the moon-walking horse in the background, it appears to be gliding.
So it's sad to report that this film is surprisngly, emotionally flat and almost entirely un-engaging.
James Franco might be the titular hero of the film but it's Mila Kunis who steals the movie competely! She is simply superb, so beautiful and the camera loves her, as do I. In fact, it's not just Kunis who is good, all the female leads are brilliant, Weisz brings a surprise malevolence to her role and Williams radiates goodness and kindess in her twin roles, although it's the Wicked Witch of the East who steals the show, she is actually terrifying!
But it's Kunis's pain and longing we feel, not Franco's who only really becomes remotely likeable in the closing moments of the film. But then his character's character is nearly always in doubt and he constantly seems to be at odds with himself, one minute the villain, the next the hero in fact whatever fits, or suits the moment.
The film tries hard and yet fails to capture the same emotional impact of the original, except for the final scene, which mirrors the 1939 Oz film by having the Wizard bestow gifts upon his band of brothers. But at no point do you ever feel that connected to the great Oz. In fact, you can't help feeling as adrift as Oz does as he travels Oz in search of the real Oz. You never really engage with him, he starts off an odd mix of unlikeable and callous but quickly reveals a desire to be considered great, thus making him better than he thinks himself to be right off the bat.
It's also strange that the film manages to completely avoid any semblance of a plot for well over half its running time.
Still, it's a visual treat, no one gets killed, it's got some lovely Raimi touches and it's only a PG so you can take your kids and for once the Trailer didn't ruin the experience.
6/10
This is a beautiful, simply beautiful film, with every scene from the early black and white Kansas shots to the genuinely staggering, full-colour vistas of Oz a delight to behold and so rich and filled with detail! Look you can count each and every brick in the yellow brick road! Look at how spectacular that Emerald City looks, gasp at the beauty of the porcelain girl, now marvel at that the moon-walking horse in the background, it appears to be gliding.
So it's sad to report that this film is surprisngly, emotionally flat and almost entirely un-engaging.
James Franco might be the titular hero of the film but it's Mila Kunis who steals the movie competely! She is simply superb, so beautiful and the camera loves her, as do I. In fact, it's not just Kunis who is good, all the female leads are brilliant, Weisz brings a surprise malevolence to her role and Williams radiates goodness and kindess in her twin roles, although it's the Wicked Witch of the East who steals the show, she is actually terrifying!
But it's Kunis's pain and longing we feel, not Franco's who only really becomes remotely likeable in the closing moments of the film. But then his character's character is nearly always in doubt and he constantly seems to be at odds with himself, one minute the villain, the next the hero in fact whatever fits, or suits the moment.
The film tries hard and yet fails to capture the same emotional impact of the original, except for the final scene, which mirrors the 1939 Oz film by having the Wizard bestow gifts upon his band of brothers. But at no point do you ever feel that connected to the great Oz. In fact, you can't help feeling as adrift as Oz does as he travels Oz in search of the real Oz. You never really engage with him, he starts off an odd mix of unlikeable and callous but quickly reveals a desire to be considered great, thus making him better than he thinks himself to be right off the bat.
It's also strange that the film manages to completely avoid any semblance of a plot for well over half its running time.
Still, it's a visual treat, no one gets killed, it's got some lovely Raimi touches and it's only a PG so you can take your kids and for once the Trailer didn't ruin the experience.
6/10
FILM #23_PARKER (8.3.13)
The Stath, Genital Lopez, That bloke from the Shield who also played the Thing in those two Fantastic Four movies that weren't that good, but atleast he wasn't CGIed and Nick Nolte who is HUGE!
Talk about false advertising! It starts out well, there's Parker dressed as a priest, I can buy that, I think he did it in one of the TV episodes too. Look, there's the English accent, just like he had on TV and look there's even The Hood (played by that bloke from the Shield and who played the Thing in those two Fantastic Four films that weren't that good, but at least he wasn't CGIed). But where the hell was the pink Rolls Royce and who the hell thought Genital Lopez makes a good Lady Penelope? WORST CASTING EVER! She didn't even have a tea pot that connected her to Tracy Island.
Seriously, talk about being conned. They should have called him, Porter or Walker, or Macklin, or Stone. I'd even settle for calling him McCain. And he didn't even wear a chauffeur's hat!
So, what of the film itself? Well, it wasn't all bad. It's violent, The Stath makes a good Parker (the books are brilliant, written by Donald Westlake under the name Richard Stark) it has a nice 70's quality to it, much like The Stath's far superior Safe from last year. This has all the ingredients you'd expect from a Parker adventure, gritty action, brutal violence, double-crosses, fantastically bloody fights and no-nonsense thuggery. Sadly, once Genital Lopez turns up the momentum the film had dries up and never gets going again. It's also too long and at times, a little on the slow side. On the plus side, The Stath's turn as a billionaire Texan is hilarious, right down to the comedy 50 gallon stetson!
This year has seen action films from three old-school action heroes, The Stath represents the next generation and this is, by a nose, the best action film so far this year, mainly because you seriously believe he would, if he had to, rip off your head and shit down your neck.
And finally, special mention for Nick Nolte who was always big, well now he's an actual giant! His head is easily twice as big as The Stath, in fact there's one scene where you realise he could eat The Stath in one gulp! And if his voice gets any more gravelly he's going to need to be subtitled.
7/10
Talk about false advertising! It starts out well, there's Parker dressed as a priest, I can buy that, I think he did it in one of the TV episodes too. Look, there's the English accent, just like he had on TV and look there's even The Hood (played by that bloke from the Shield and who played the Thing in those two Fantastic Four films that weren't that good, but at least he wasn't CGIed). But where the hell was the pink Rolls Royce and who the hell thought Genital Lopez makes a good Lady Penelope? WORST CASTING EVER! She didn't even have a tea pot that connected her to Tracy Island.
Seriously, talk about being conned. They should have called him, Porter or Walker, or Macklin, or Stone. I'd even settle for calling him McCain. And he didn't even wear a chauffeur's hat!
So, what of the film itself? Well, it wasn't all bad. It's violent, The Stath makes a good Parker (the books are brilliant, written by Donald Westlake under the name Richard Stark) it has a nice 70's quality to it, much like The Stath's far superior Safe from last year. This has all the ingredients you'd expect from a Parker adventure, gritty action, brutal violence, double-crosses, fantastically bloody fights and no-nonsense thuggery. Sadly, once Genital Lopez turns up the momentum the film had dries up and never gets going again. It's also too long and at times, a little on the slow side. On the plus side, The Stath's turn as a billionaire Texan is hilarious, right down to the comedy 50 gallon stetson!
This year has seen action films from three old-school action heroes, The Stath represents the next generation and this is, by a nose, the best action film so far this year, mainly because you seriously believe he would, if he had to, rip off your head and shit down your neck.
And finally, special mention for Nick Nolte who was always big, well now he's an actual giant! His head is easily twice as big as The Stath, in fact there's one scene where you realise he could eat The Stath in one gulp! And if his voice gets any more gravelly he's going to need to be subtitled.
7/10
FILM #22 THIS IS FARTY (7.3.13)
'This is Faulty' would be more apt.
Leslie Mann, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, John Lithgow, Albert Brooks and Melissa McCarthy who is easily the best thing in this, as she is in everything she's in, I do hope her new film, Identity Theft doesn't sully that opinion.
'This is Faulty' is another dramaedy from Judd Apatow, the supposed comedy genius behind such laughter-free classics like Knocked Up, Funny People and Super Bad, which means the humour comes from 'funny' dialogue and not jokes. It's a commonly held belief that his 'Emperor's Clothing' brand of comedy, is the bee's knees. Who needs jokes and gags, goes the argument, when we can watch Apatow's real-life children bickering about being banned from using the internet. hilarious!
Anyway, this is an Apatow film which means we're in for a very long, film about 'real life' starring his s-l-o-w t-a-l-k-i-n-g, real-life wife, Leslie Mann and the usually reliable Paul Rudd who play a husband and wife whose idyllic 40-something life-style is under threat from some middling financial pressures and her obsession with aging and his with cup cakes. They resolve to deal with their issues by talking at length at each other, at their friends, at their children, at their fathers and at anyone else whom will listen, every now and then Apatow throws a 'joke' at us and sometimes these can be very funny, laugh-out-loud funny and sometimes they can be as funny as anal polyps.
Seriously, Who cares about some rich yuppy couple and their horribly over induldged and precocious daughters? Oh dear, his indie record company is having money issues - his latest act has only sold 600 discs, and her exclusive fashion shop is missing $12,000 dollars, because her part-time, high-class, escort, shop-assistant, Megan Fox might or might not have stolen $12,000 dollars! Oh dear, she's a secret smoker and he, god forbid (whisper it) eats cup cakes, this is a major issue for her. And if that's not bad enough for her, then she has to deal with the fact her estranged, but trying to reconnect, dad's second wife is younger than her! And Paul Rudd's dad (he too has a second family) is a moocher who's already 'borrowed' $80,000 dollars from him, Rudd can't afford to give him any more money, so he just gives him a signed John Lennon original drawing. And biggest shock of all and I hope you're sitting down for this... She can't cope with being 40, so tells everyone she's 38! And he pisses off to the loo to play with his Wii (actually it's his iPad, but Wii is funnier in this instance)
The funniest bit in the whole film comes after the film has ended and the credits have started when Apatow shows an out-take featuring Melissa McCarthy ab-libbing a parent-teacher conference.
Stick to the trailer, it's funnier and more importantly, shorter.
5/10
Leslie Mann, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, John Lithgow, Albert Brooks and Melissa McCarthy who is easily the best thing in this, as she is in everything she's in, I do hope her new film, Identity Theft doesn't sully that opinion.
'This is Faulty' is another dramaedy from Judd Apatow, the supposed comedy genius behind such laughter-free classics like Knocked Up, Funny People and Super Bad, which means the humour comes from 'funny' dialogue and not jokes. It's a commonly held belief that his 'Emperor's Clothing' brand of comedy, is the bee's knees. Who needs jokes and gags, goes the argument, when we can watch Apatow's real-life children bickering about being banned from using the internet. hilarious!
Anyway, this is an Apatow film which means we're in for a very long, film about 'real life' starring his s-l-o-w t-a-l-k-i-n-g, real-life wife, Leslie Mann and the usually reliable Paul Rudd who play a husband and wife whose idyllic 40-something life-style is under threat from some middling financial pressures and her obsession with aging and his with cup cakes. They resolve to deal with their issues by talking at length at each other, at their friends, at their children, at their fathers and at anyone else whom will listen, every now and then Apatow throws a 'joke' at us and sometimes these can be very funny, laugh-out-loud funny and sometimes they can be as funny as anal polyps.
Seriously, Who cares about some rich yuppy couple and their horribly over induldged and precocious daughters? Oh dear, his indie record company is having money issues - his latest act has only sold 600 discs, and her exclusive fashion shop is missing $12,000 dollars, because her part-time, high-class, escort, shop-assistant, Megan Fox might or might not have stolen $12,000 dollars! Oh dear, she's a secret smoker and he, god forbid (whisper it) eats cup cakes, this is a major issue for her. And if that's not bad enough for her, then she has to deal with the fact her estranged, but trying to reconnect, dad's second wife is younger than her! And Paul Rudd's dad (he too has a second family) is a moocher who's already 'borrowed' $80,000 dollars from him, Rudd can't afford to give him any more money, so he just gives him a signed John Lennon original drawing. And biggest shock of all and I hope you're sitting down for this... She can't cope with being 40, so tells everyone she's 38! And he pisses off to the loo to play with his Wii (actually it's his iPad, but Wii is funnier in this instance)
The funniest bit in the whole film comes after the film has ended and the credits have started when Apatow shows an out-take featuring Melissa McCarthy ab-libbing a parent-teacher conference.
Stick to the trailer, it's funnier and more importantly, shorter.
5/10
Friday 8 March 2013
FILM#21 BROKEN CITY (5.3.13)
Mark Wahlberg, Russel Crowe, Catherine Zeta Jones
A political crime thriller with no politics, no thrills and the only crime being that perpetrated against the innocent viewer.
Mark Wahlberg has one acting technique, that of acting dumb. Sometimes this works perfectly, like in Boogie Nights, The Fighter and Shooter and every other time it just drags everything down and makes for a boring movie, like this.
Broken City tries hard to emulate the feel of 70's gritty urban thrillers like Three Days of the Condor, The Parallax View and The French Connection but ends up just a dull, over-plotted, and bland thriller. Russel Crowe who proves with each film that his early success was sheer luck, over acts it as the corrupt Mayor desperate to win re-election and convinced his wife Catherine Zeta-Jones is having an affair. Marky Mark is a cop with the past hired by Crowe to investigate his wife and after that it's a series of slow car chases, rambling conversations and the odd murder as Wahlberg struggles to uncover a plot the audience worked out an hour earlier.
In a nut shell, quite boring.
5/10
A political crime thriller with no politics, no thrills and the only crime being that perpetrated against the innocent viewer.
Mark Wahlberg has one acting technique, that of acting dumb. Sometimes this works perfectly, like in Boogie Nights, The Fighter and Shooter and every other time it just drags everything down and makes for a boring movie, like this.
Broken City tries hard to emulate the feel of 70's gritty urban thrillers like Three Days of the Condor, The Parallax View and The French Connection but ends up just a dull, over-plotted, and bland thriller. Russel Crowe who proves with each film that his early success was sheer luck, over acts it as the corrupt Mayor desperate to win re-election and convinced his wife Catherine Zeta-Jones is having an affair. Marky Mark is a cop with the past hired by Crowe to investigate his wife and after that it's a series of slow car chases, rambling conversations and the odd murder as Wahlberg struggles to uncover a plot the audience worked out an hour earlier.
In a nut shell, quite boring.
5/10
FILM #20 HANSEL AND GRETAL: WITCH HUNTERS
Sweet mother of god, what the fuck were they thinking when they pitched this in Hollywood?
"Say guys, let's take an old kid's fairytale, like say Hansel and Gretal and create a film that kiddies can't see, adults won't want to and teenagers couldn't care less about!"
"Great idea, Doug! And just to make sure, let's make it a 15 so we can stop the little ankle biters from seeing it!"
""I like it, Brad! But we also don't want to alienate our 25 year-old demographic who secretly love children's fairytales, so let's make it ultra gory and let's get some good old fashioned nudity in there too!"
"Guys, our research shows that teenagers only relate to characters with American accents so let's make sure that Hansel and Gretal are both American!"
"I think swearing is neat and it makes for a very grown up film, so let's put load of F-bombs into this film, even though it's jarring and out of place!"
"Next, we got to make it as gory as possible, but not too gory, we don't want a R rated film on our hands! Also, because the NRA are sponsoring us we need to put as many guns in this film as possible and can we get a chaingun in it, I love those!"
"I'm worried that the finished film won't be dark and murky enough and that the kids will see that this is a really shitty film."
"Don't worry, we'll convert it to 3D that should make it REALLY murky and unwatchable."
"I think we've covered everybase so let's start filming!"
"Wait a minute guys, we don't have a script!"
"A script? Where we're going we don't need a script!"
"er, where are we going?"
"Bargin bucket in Lidl."
3/10 Avoid, it's a piece of shit.
"Say guys, let's take an old kid's fairytale, like say Hansel and Gretal and create a film that kiddies can't see, adults won't want to and teenagers couldn't care less about!"
"Great idea, Doug! And just to make sure, let's make it a 15 so we can stop the little ankle biters from seeing it!"
""I like it, Brad! But we also don't want to alienate our 25 year-old demographic who secretly love children's fairytales, so let's make it ultra gory and let's get some good old fashioned nudity in there too!"
"Guys, our research shows that teenagers only relate to characters with American accents so let's make sure that Hansel and Gretal are both American!"
"I think swearing is neat and it makes for a very grown up film, so let's put load of F-bombs into this film, even though it's jarring and out of place!"
"Next, we got to make it as gory as possible, but not too gory, we don't want a R rated film on our hands! Also, because the NRA are sponsoring us we need to put as many guns in this film as possible and can we get a chaingun in it, I love those!"
"I'm worried that the finished film won't be dark and murky enough and that the kids will see that this is a really shitty film."
"Don't worry, we'll convert it to 3D that should make it REALLY murky and unwatchable."
"I think we've covered everybase so let's start filming!"
"Wait a minute guys, we don't have a script!"
"A script? Where we're going we don't need a script!"
"er, where are we going?"
"Bargin bucket in Lidl."
3/10 Avoid, it's a piece of shit.
FILM #19 I GIVE IT A YEAR (1.3.13)
I GIVE IT A YEAR
A British Rom/com written and directed by Dan Mazer and staring Rose Byrne, Rafe Spall, Anna Faris, Simon Baker and co-starring Stephen Merchant.
A couple meet, fall in love and get married all too soon and then discover it isn't easy being married and that perhaps they might have married in haste?
Unusually for modern comedies, this broke the mold by being rather funny, something that This is Forty patently avoided. That said, it's not funny in the way comedies of old used to be, it's very hit and miss, so it's lucky that when it does hit, it's extremely funny! Stephen Merchant and Olivia Coleman steal every scene they're in, he as Rafe Spall's best friend and her as a marriage guidance counselor in need of some counseling herself.
The plot is very cliched and being that it is a romcom the ending comes as no surprise at all. Still, when this was funny it was very, very funny. And when it wasn't it was rather bad.
7/10
A British Rom/com written and directed by Dan Mazer and staring Rose Byrne, Rafe Spall, Anna Faris, Simon Baker and co-starring Stephen Merchant.
A couple meet, fall in love and get married all too soon and then discover it isn't easy being married and that perhaps they might have married in haste?
Unusually for modern comedies, this broke the mold by being rather funny, something that This is Forty patently avoided. That said, it's not funny in the way comedies of old used to be, it's very hit and miss, so it's lucky that when it does hit, it's extremely funny! Stephen Merchant and Olivia Coleman steal every scene they're in, he as Rafe Spall's best friend and her as a marriage guidance counselor in need of some counseling herself.
The plot is very cliched and being that it is a romcom the ending comes as no surprise at all. Still, when this was funny it was very, very funny. And when it wasn't it was rather bad.
7/10
FILM #18 CLOUD ATLAS (24.2.13)
CLOUD ATLAS
A science fiction epic based on a much loved (although I've never heard of it) book, this was a highly ambitious, beautifully crafted and meaty movie whose story spanned several centuries and as many genrers and told six, seemingly unrelated stories. The cast all had multi-roles involving lots of make-up and although Tom Hanks and Hal Berry stand out as the two biggest names, it's the stories featuring Jim Broadbent's editor character and Ben Winshaw gay composer which are the most entertaining.
The six stories include costume drama, comedy, science fiction, post apocalyptic, political thriller and a Merchant Ivory style love story.
This was a huge flop in the states and it's hard to see it recouping its losses over here, the story is too deep and demanding to be the sort of blockbuster these sort of budget films demand and it's a shame because it's 3 hour running time flew by and I was captivated by the different styles and genres. I found the whole experience extremely satisfying and entertaining.
Not everyone's cup of tea but it'll certainly make for a nice Sunday afternoon movie when it comes out on disc.
8/10
A science fiction epic based on a much loved (although I've never heard of it) book, this was a highly ambitious, beautifully crafted and meaty movie whose story spanned several centuries and as many genrers and told six, seemingly unrelated stories. The cast all had multi-roles involving lots of make-up and although Tom Hanks and Hal Berry stand out as the two biggest names, it's the stories featuring Jim Broadbent's editor character and Ben Winshaw gay composer which are the most entertaining.
The six stories include costume drama, comedy, science fiction, post apocalyptic, political thriller and a Merchant Ivory style love story.
This was a huge flop in the states and it's hard to see it recouping its losses over here, the story is too deep and demanding to be the sort of blockbuster these sort of budget films demand and it's a shame because it's 3 hour running time flew by and I was captivated by the different styles and genres. I found the whole experience extremely satisfying and entertaining.
Not everyone's cup of tea but it'll certainly make for a nice Sunday afternoon movie when it comes out on disc.
8/10
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