FILMS OF 2016

Hello people and welcome to this year's

TOP AND
BOTTOM
TEN MOVIES
OF 2016!

2016 hasn't been a great year for movies, indeed only one film this year managed to garnish a 10/10 particularly summer blockbusters which on the whole were pretty unimpressive, sure things like Captain America were great and Deadpool was funny and different but the less said about Batman Vs Superman the better! Oh and then there was X-men Age of Apocalypse. We had dozens of sequels that all failed to inspire, none more so that the shockingly piss poor Independence Day II which was so bad it almost made me cry. Then there was a new Jason Bored movie, the new opening chapter of the next Harry Potter franchise and huge budget blockbuster of a successful video game, which despite tanking in the US has been guaranteed a franchise on the strength of its Chinese box office takings alone.

So, here we go, in descending order the Top Ten films of the year.

TOP TEN.

10.  CREED
9.  SPOTLIGHT
8.  NICE GUYS
7.  ZOOTROPOLIS
6.  KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS
5.  THE GIRL WITH ALL THE GIFTS
4.  CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR
3.  THE ARRIVAL
2.  HELL OR HIGH WATER



1. ROOM
http://seeingfilmssoyoudonthavetoo.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/10-room.html
A stunning and deeply powerful film that I utterly fell in love with. Just left me staggered to my core. If you've not seen it then give it a go, it'll leave you sobbing and moved.

BOTTOM TEN
10.  TRIPLE NINE
9.    BEN HUR
8.    POINTBREAK
7.    JASON BOURNE 
6.    ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
5.    THE HUNTSMAN: WINTER'S WAR
4.    DAD'S ARMY
3.    GODS OF EGYPT 
2.    GRIMSBY 

1. NOW YOU SEE ME 2 http://seeingfilmssoyoudonthavetoo.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/47-how-you-see-me-2.html

This was a difficult result, the bottom five films were staggeringly shit, truly god awful, but Now You See Me 2 truly took the biscuit. A sorry, sad and dispicable sac of putrid shit, which had not one iota of enjoyment in it, I can't remember why I gave it a score of 1/10 maybe because I've actually seen worse than this.

ALL FILMS IN DESCENDING ORDER

1.  ROOM 10/10
2.  HELL OR HIGH WATER 9/10 
3.  THE ARRIVAL 9/10
4.  CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR 9/10 
5.  THE GIRL WITH ALL THE GIFTS 9/10
6.  KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS 9/10
7.  ZOOTROPOLIS 9/10
8.  NICE GUYS 9/10
9.  SPOTLIGHT 9/10
10.  CREED 8/10 
11. STAR TREK BEYOND 8/10
12. 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE 8/10 
13.  EDDIE THE EAGLE 8/10 
14.  WAR ON EVERYONE 8/10 
15.  THE ACCOUNTANT 8/10 
16.  ROGUE ONE 8/10
17.  PASSENGERS 8/10
18.  BLEED FOR IT 8/10
19.  MISS PEREGRINE'S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN 8/10
20.  BRIDGET JONES'S BABY 8/10
21.  THE EDGE OF SEVENTEEN 8/10
22.  HARDCORE HENRY 8/10
23.  FINDING DORY 8/10  
24.  DEEPWATER HORIZON 8/10
25.  SAUSAGE PARTY 8/10
26.  PETE'S DRAGON 8/10
27.  THE REVANANT 8/10
28.  KUNG FU PANDA 3 8/10
29.  THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN 7/10
30.  HATEFUL EIGHT 7/10
31.  CRIMINAL 7/10  
32.  THE LEGEND OF TARZAN 7/10
33.  BASTILLE DAY 7/10  
34.  BLOOD FATHER 7/10
35.  FLORENCE FOSTER JENKINS 7/10
36.  MONEY MONSTER 7/10
37.  LONDON HAS FALLEN 7/10
38.  X-MEN: APOCALYPSE 7/10
39.  MIDNIGHT SPECIAL 7/10
40.  DEADPOOL 7/10
41.  HIGH RISE 7/10
42.  HAIL, CAESAR 7/10 
43.  ALLIED 7/10
44.  FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM 7/10 
45.  DON'T BREATHE 7/10 
46.  JACK REACHER: DON'T GO BACK 6/10
47.  BAD MOMS 6/10
48.  GOOSEBUMPS 6/10
49.  GHOSTBUSTERS 6/10
50.  WARCRAFT: THE BEGINNING 6/10 
51.  MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES 6/10
52.  INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE 5/10
53.  JOY 5/10 
54.  MORGAN 5/10 
55.  THE MECHANIC: RESURRECTION 5/10
56.  WHY HIM? 5/10
57.  INFERNO 5/10 
58.  OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY 4/10
59.  SUICIDE SQUAD 4/10
60.  BATMAN VS SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE 4/10
61. CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE 4/10
62.  ZOOLANDER 2 4/10
63.  THE DIVERGENT SERIES: ALLEGIANCE 4/10
64.  NOCTURNAL ANIMALS 4/10
65.  A BIGGER SPLASH 4/10 
66.  TRIPLE NINE 4/10 
67.  BEN HUR 3/10
68.  POINTBREAK 3/10
69.  JASON BOURNE 3/10
70.  ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS 3/10
71.  THE HUNTSMAN: WINTER'S WAR 3/10
72.  DAD'S ARMY 2/10
73.  GODS OF EGYPT 2/10
74.  GRIMSBY 2/10 
75.  NOW YOU SEE ME 2 1/10 

 Re-ISSUES

1. IRON GIANT (re-release) 10/10
2. BARRY LYNDON (RE-ISSUE) 10/10 
3. PASSPORT TO PIMLICO (re-release) 10/10 
4. LAVENDER HILL MOB (re-release) 10/10
5. INDEPENDENCE DAY LIVE 10/10
6.  BRIDGE OF SPIES (2015) 9/10

#87 WHY HIM?

Starring Bryan Cranston, James Franco, Zoey Deutch, Megan Mullally, Griffin Gluck and Keegan-Michael Key. Written by Ian Helfer and John Hamburg. Directed by John Hamburg. Budget $38 million. Running time 111 minutes. Certificate 15.

Bryan Cranston is Mr. Blah Blah, he's the 55 year-old CEO of a print works that's over $300,000 in the red and sinking fast! He's got a 21 year-old daughter called Thingie, a 15 year-old son called, probably Jnr but I don't remember he's only there to provide awkward jokes and asides, then there's his wife, Mrs. Blah Blah the wonderful Megan Mullally who is criminally wasted in this 'film'. Finally there is Laird, played by Franco Nero, he's Thingie's boyfriend who just so happens to be a billionaire tech genius with no social boundaries who says and does whatever he thinks or feels, whenever he wants regardless of consequences, he's the living embodiment of the millennial generation. He's got an omniscient computer voiced by Kaley Cuoco and a sidekick/bodyguard/estate-manger called Gustave played brilliantly by Keegan-Michael Key.

The plot sees Bry, Meg and Sco head to California to meet Ste's boyfriend Laird for the first time at Christmas, gosh I bet that's not going to go well. I bet there's going to be a clash between father and future son-in-law which will see them smack heads in a series of increasingly disastrous and embarrassing incidents before it all comes good in the final act!

Well, amazingly and get ready for this! It all goes off fine. Within minutes of meeting Ned Flemming (Bryan Cranston) and Laird hit it off and from then on it's 100 minutes of the two nervously bonding and accepting each other, despite their differences, learning a few very gentle life lessons before the happy ending when Laird and Steph decide not to get married but to wait until she's finished college. Oh and Bry's buisness is saved by his future son-in-law.

Meandering along at a gentle putt-putt speed of let's say a Love-Boat ride or a half charged golf cart, this film has precisely two funny sequences, one involves a toilet and a lack of toilet paper and the other involves a recurring gag where in Laird's estate manager, Gustave launches surprise attacks upon his boss to enhance his parkour and fighting skills and before you can say, hey Pink Panther! Don't worry, the film knows this and explains very carefully that this sequence has been ripped off by those earlier better films starring Peter Sellers and Burt Kwouk by having the three characters discussing the Pink Panther films which they decide are racist.

Apart from all that hilarity, there's a telegraphed joke about a piece of modern artwork which involved a dead moose suspended in a giant fish tank of its own piss, a guest appearance of the joke rock band Kiss and a really creepy party that sees Megan Mullally wants some Little Cheese.

Less than mildly funny but utterly unoffensive and lacking so many teeth that it doesn't even make your blood boil or your bile rise. Indeed this ends a year of Meh with a satisfying and resounding meh.

5/10

#85 PASSENGERS

Starring Chris Pratt, Jennifer Lawrence, Micheal Sheen and Lawrence Fishburne and Andy Garcia. Written by Jon Sapihts and directed by Morten Tyldum. Budget $110 million. Running time 116 minutes. Cert 12A.  

(WARNING... WARNING... WARNING. THE FOLLOW DESCRIPTION CONTAINS SPOILERS. THE WRITER HAS TRIED HARD NOT TOO REVEAL TOO MUCH AND YOU COULD PROBABLY READ THE FIRST PARAGRAPH WITHOUT FEAR OF DAMAGING THE PLOT OR REVEALING TOO MUCH. HOWEVER THE SECOND PARAGRAPH, ALAS, SORT OF GIVES IT AWAY, BUT NOT GRATUITOUSLY.)

When the starship Avalon is seriously damaged in an asteroid strike 30 years into its 120 mission to the planet Homestead II it triggers a series of system failures that starts with the malfunction of mechanical engineer Jim Preston (Chris Pratt)'s sleep pod and ends with a race against time to stop the sleeping spaceship exploding thus killing the other 5000 odd passengers. For a good hour of the film, we are in the single company of Pratt as he comes to terms with being marooned on an intergalactic flying desert island traveling at half the speed of light with only a robotic barman for company. He becomes fluent at speaking Japanese with the sushi restaurant's robot staff, claiming the top 100 best dance off high scores on the 3d video game, plundering the vast stocks of resources and growing a beard while going slowly mad.

In an act of desperation, Preston makes a terrible decision that will have a profound effect of everyone onboard the ship, none more so than for Jennifer Lawrence's Aurora Lane, a writer on a return trip to write a book about the sort of people who make the trip. Over the next year the two grow close and fall in love and then on the anniversary of her awakening, she discovers Preston's terrible secret and their worlds collide.

However the ship is severely damaged and the two years worth of 'cascading' failures that have blighted the trip finally fatally spiral out of control leading to the forementioned race against time to stop the ship from exploding and our two star-crossed lovers are forced to work together to save the day.

SPOILER WARNING OVER

This type of film succeeds or fails on the chemistry and charisma of its leads and in this case the film makers have shrewdly cast two of the most beautiful and charismatic actors of their generation to carry the film and carry it they do. They have a nature ease with each other and they're pretty easy on the eye too. There's not much to say about the plot of the film, apart from the terrible emotional dilemma at the heart of it, the rest is just watching two people slowly falling in love while their spaceship slowly falls to pieces around them. After that, there's the requisite 3rd act race against time action sequence and a subtle, sombre ending as we watch the ship glide off into deep space.

Along the way though we have a slow, subtle film about a relationship and isolation set onboard a beautifully designed futuristic IKEA spaceship and featuring a wonderful soundtrack.

I have to say I found this immensely engaging and engrossing, I'd have been happy without the necessity of the action element of this film, it plays like a live action remake of Wall-E, without the cute trash compactor, crossed with Silent Running and I don't mean that in a negative way. With stunning special effects and superb set designs which throw out nods (indeed more than one such nod to the cult horror/sci-fi movie, Event Horizon) to dozens of other movies from The Shining to Titanic and 2001 a Space Odyssey. The interesting thing about this film is that you can actually see where the plot itself changed during the films making and there are several distinct places where it could have gone in utterly different directions. For example, with a subtle rewriting, this so easily could have been a chilling thriller or horror film and the ending could have been one of many, including one that could have ended in a far more dramatic way.

My family rated this from 7/10 all the way up to 10/10. Me personally, I was hooked, and not just because I love Jennifer Lawrence and want to marry her, nor that I have a bit of a man crush on Chris Pratt.

This won't be everyone's cup of tea as the varied reviews have thus far proven, but for me I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to seeing it again. This is at times moving, funny, entertaining and exciting and helped in no small part by the fact it's two stars are just so goddam hot!

But be warned, this is the very definition of a slow burn movie, despite the ship itself traveling at half the speed of light the pace is staggeringly slow and languid but after a diet of relentless action films this felt like just a breath of fresh air in the cold vacuum of space.

8/10

#84 & 86 ROGUE ONE

Starring Felicity Jones, Diego Luna, Ben Mendelsohn, Donnie Yen, Mads Mikkelsen, Alan Tudyk, Riz Ahmed, Jiang Wen and Forest Whitaker. Written by Chris Weitz and Tony Gilroy based on a story by John Knoll and gary Whitta. Directed by Gareth Edwards. Budget $200 million. Running time 133 minutes. 12a Cert.

Featuring the single worst poster ever produced for the Star Wars franchise comes Rogue One, the first stand-alone movie in this all-new, George Lucas-free era of Star Wars movies. This acts as a prequel to A New Hope (or Star Wars I: A New Hope if you'd prefer, or if you're a Star Wars hardcore fan Star Wars IV: A New Hope). So, as a result it takes place after Revenge of the Sith (Star Wars III Which sort of makes this one either Star Wars IV, or Star Wars XIII or Star Wars IIIa. Or if, like me, you dislike the prequels and don't watch them, then Star Wars -I. Look, either way it's a Star Wars movie, so you should know what to expect, action, space ships, laser blasters, storm troopers, wonky-faced aliens, bizarre hints of incest and the Force.  

It sees a band of rebels lead by permanently frowning, and on the verge of tears, Jyn Erso (Felicity Jones) the daughter of the man who designed the Death Star, team up with pocket-sized Spaniard, Cassian Andor (Diego Luna) and his hilarious battle droid K-2SO (Alan Tudyk) together they battle against incredible odds to steal the plans of the Empire's terrifying new weapon the Death Star. What follows is a dizzying, whistle-stop tour of 10,000 stupidly named planets as our wise-cracking, rag-tag team of loveable rogues including Kung Fu master Donnie Yen bounce around the galaxy in a mad-cap race to the finish line on a tropical planet while Ben Mendelsohn as the universe's worst project manager, Orson Krennic, does his best Dick Dastardly and waggles his gauntlet enclosed fist and tries but fails to thwart them.

It would be churlish of me to reveal much more but if you've ever watched Star Wars No.1: A New Hope you'll already know that "many Bothans died to bring us this information."

This starts slowly and the first third isn't all that, but then once everyone's been brought together it kicks it up a gear and starts to become something we've never seen in a Star Wars movie before, a war film because once we've seen the Death Star do what it does it's a barrage of relentless, non-stop action. This film doesn't pause for anything, like wit or well-written dialogue and just lets rip. And in the letting rip league this film is certainly up there near the top. It's a blistering action-packed movie that looks simply stunning. It's extremely well directed by Gareth Edwards, the visual genius behind Godzilla, and the cinematography is superb. The effects are seamless and overall this was an exhilarating rambunctious romp that didn't move me more deeply than that. It's surprisingly grim and ultimately is a science fiction remake of Saving Private Ryan, but with more wonky-faced aliens and space ships.

It's not all positives, mind. The soundtrack was very jarring, slight hints of John Williams followed by something different.

It's Star Wars Jim, but not as we've known it before.

8/10

P.S. The following contains spoilers

This film is filled with wonderful nods and Easter Eggs to Star Wars, like the two 'My friend Doesn't like you' aliens and the exact same firing sequence of the Death Star main weapon as well as dozens of other visual nods including the CGI recreation of two rather iconic characters one of whom is a representation of Peter Cushing which sadly falls into the uncanny valley for me. There's also cameos from many,  much-loved, characters and then there's the return of a certain rather iconic asthmatic and boy he doesn't disappoint, indeed he's simply terrifying.

P.P.S REVIEW OF SECOND VIEWING

Perhaps I should have waited longer before rewatching this but second time round, this gets a 7/10. It starts off very clumsily with far too many planets with stupid names visited but with no involvement, none of the planets seem that important and dont' add anything to the plot. The film really kicks off when we get to the planet with the besieged religious city and the final act attack on that beach planet are awesome. Great special effects and action, plus the cgi Peter Cushing is freakin' amazing.

#83 OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY

Starring Jason Bateman, Olivia Munn, Jennifer Aniston, T.J. Miller,  kate McKinnon, Courtney B. Vance, Jillian Bell, Vanessa Baye, Rob Corddry, Sam Richardson, Randall Park Jamie Chung, Abbey Lee Kershaw, Karan Soni, Matt Walsh, Oliver Cooper, Adrian Martinez, Andrew Leeds, Da'Vine Joy Randolph and Fortune Feimster. Written by  Justin Malen, Laura Solon and Dan Mazer, based on a story by Jon Lucas, Scott Moore and Christopher Dowling. Directed by Will Speck and Josh Gordon. Running time 105 minutes long. Cert 15.

The words 'all-star cast' used to mean something, it was a sign of greatness, think Towering Inferno, Earthquake or even When Time Ran Out, although those were all disaster movies, which is ironic cos this too is a disaster, but for utterly different reasons.

T.J Miller is the hopless CEO of a failing tech company, Jason Bateman is his loyal right hand man, Olivia Munn is the woman he's secretly in love with and Jennifer Aniston is Miller's sister who's just closed down the office. In an act of defiance and in the hope of securing a 14 million dollar buisness deal, Miller throws the most outrageous Christmas party of his life in open defiance of his ruthless sister. After that it's a less than hilarious gentle saunter through a series of mildly linked skits and situations strung together in the vain hope no one will notice there's no plot or story.

Far less funnier than the trailer and considerably less funny than it should be, this is a film that from the very title should be as outrageous and outlandish as is humanly possible. Sadly this isn't, it's a gentle, sweet natured little movie with a heart-warming centre and a happy journey of redemption that sees two of the characters overcome their decades old animosity and become best pals by the end of it. Not only that but the company is saved by a technological Macguffin that stretches credulity.

Sure I laughed, as will you, but it was only occasionally and that's not enough. If it wanted to be considered to be a Christmas movie then it needs to be warmer and have more Christmas spirit. However, if it wanted to be remembered as this generation's Animal House, as a raunchy, bawdy comedy then it's not rude enough, outrageous enough or simply funny enough. In a nutshell, it just needs to be better.

4/10

#82 MOANA

Starring Auli'i Cravalho, Dwayne Johnson, Rachel House, Temuera Morrison, Jemaine Clement, Nicole Scherizinger and Alan Tudyk. Written by Jared Bush. Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker. Budget $150 million. Running time 103 minutes. Cert PG.

A prologue explains how, in the beginning, the heart of the island goddess, Te Fiti is stolen by the demigod, Maui (Dwayne Johnson) and lost in the ocean.

A thousand years later Moana Waialiki (Auli'i Cravalho), the daughter of a Polynesian island chief sets out on a quest to force Maui to help her return the stone heart to Te Fiti and thus restore her island paradise to its former glory. And that's it, plot wise.

This is a breath-taking beautiful movie to look at, truly exquisite. The attention to detail is perfection as is the portrayal of the Polynesian people, who are never shown in anything other than a glowing light. This seems to my ignorant eyes to strenuously avoid stereotyping either its heroine or her people and the relationship between the chieftains daughter and the demi god is built on grudging friendship rather than love and that's a welcome addition. Similarly when Maui tells her to stay behind while he deals with a situation isn't because she's a girl, but that she's only human. Likewise, we never have to suffer watching Maui become a better person or learn any valuable life lessons.

Fantastically entertaining, beautiful to look at and only marred by a selection of songs that feel jarring, particularly Jermaine Clements and his turn as a giant crab. This was a charming and wonderful movie that left me with a warm glow and a spring in my step.

8/10

#81 THE EDGE OF SEVENTEEN

Starring  Hailee Steinfeld, Woody Harrelson, Kyra Sedgwick, Haley Lu Richardson, Blake Jenner  and Hayden Szeto. Written and directed by Kelly Fremon Craig. Budget $9 million. Running time 99 minutes. Cert 15.

Hailee Steinfeld is 17-year old Nadine Franklin heroine of this 'coming of age' movie who is still struggling with the death of her father three years previously and trying to come to terms with impending adult hood. Her friendship group extends to one single solitary confident, Krista (Haley Lu Richardson) who has been her loyal friend since 2nd grade. However, when Krista starts a relationship with Nadine's older brother, Darian (Blake Jenner) - school jock and all round good guy  she feels like she's hit rock bottom and decides to try and take control of her life with hilarious and truly cringeworthy results. Seeking constant guidance from her long-suffering english teacher, Mr Bruner (Woody Harrelson), Hailee decides to let the boy of her dreams know her feelings with a truly inappropriate text message while ignoring the nice guy in her class who genuinely seems to like her.

Offering nothing new to this particular genre, this was nevertheless an extremely funny and rather moving movie. Hailee Steinfeld is a very likeable star and her nature ease in front of the camera easily rises this generic movie to something rather enjoyable and entertaining and despite the fact it has the classic third act redemption for our heroine you'll still find yourself smiling and feeling warm inside.

Maybe not ground breaking, but nevertheless a satisfying and, at times, very funny little film with a great little soundtrack to boot, plus some lovely performances and chemistry, particularly between Harrelson and Steinfeld. Perhaps it helped seeing this with my own 17 year-old daughter but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

8/10

#80 BLEED FOR IT

Starring Miles Teller, Aaron Eckhart,  Katey Sagal, Ciarán Hinds and Ted Levine. Written, produced and directed by Ben Younger. Running time 117minutes. Budget $8 million. Cert 15.

This is astonishing true life story of Vinny Pazienza, the world champion boxer who broke his neck in a car accident and went on to win, not one, but three world title belts!

Starring Miles Teller who's proving to be his generation's Robert Deniro with his commitment to the method. This is a straight forward, chronological bio-pic with excellent performances, particularly from Teller and Eckhart, as Kevin Rooney, Vinny's former disgraced trainer. Solidly written and directed by Ben Younger this is the perfect example of the Ronsil movie, it does exactly what it says on the tin. Offering nothing new or different to the usual boxing flick, which isn't an issue really since the subject is so fascinating, this is nevertheless a very engrossing and satisfying movie. Lacking any shmaltz, or morkishness and bordering, almost, on being a fly on the wall documentary, albeit one with actors playing real-life people, this was a deeply satisfying and enjoyable experience. Seriously,  watching the commitment of Vinny to come back from such an injury to reclaim his past glory  is simply breathtaking to behold and deeply inspiring too.

All that, plus a wealth of naked boobs.

8/10