#34: BULLET TRAIN

 

Starring Brad Pitt, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Brian Tyree Henry, Joey King, Andrew Koji Hiroyuki Sanada, Michael Shannon, Benito A Martinez Ocasio and cameos from Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds and Channing Tatum. Written by Zak Olkewicz and directed by David Leitch. Running time 126 minutes, budget $90 million. 

By now chances are you've see the trailer and the bus adverts so you'll know what to expect. Brad Pitt is the almost terminally unlucky, underworld retriever, Ladybug returning to active duty after a period of self reflection and ordered by his handler (Sandra Bullock) to board the bullet train to Kyoto and retrieve a suitcase and get off at the next stop. 
Trouble is no matter what he does he just can't seem to get off the train! And what does the case have to do with any one of the following: A British duo of assassins called Lemon and Tangerine, the kidnapped son of a Yakuza boss called White Death, the son of a disgraced former Yakuza enforcer, and the enforcer, an insanely vengeful Mexican assassin by the name of The Wolf, a poison loving assassin called Hornet, an escaped deadly snake, and a British school girl? Don't worry all will be revealed in the next 126 confusing and time jumping minutes. 

Taking a page out of the playbooks of both Tarantino and Guy Richie, this film ricochets from flashback to flashback and the next lengthy batch of gag-filled exposition to the next taking no prisoners, in a building riot of ultra violence where no innocent bystanders die and only the super bad die, horribly.

Relentless, manic, at times incomprehensible and stupidly dumb. This is an exhilarating fun-packed ride, but it's also a ride that goes on far too long and is so over-baked in every aspect of its execution that it's in danger of disappearing up its own gun barrel.

Not a terrible film, but sadly not the delightful runaway I was promised in the excellently edited trailer. The action sequences are too numerous to mention and arrive like, hmm, trains. David Leitch who cut his teeth with the utterly superb John Wick knows how to stage action and does it well here, but the trouble is there's just too much back story and too much of everything to make it feel anything other than a gigantic gag that everyone save the audience is in on.

Like the woeful Fast and Livid films, this one has a loose understanding of physics and reality and that in itself gives the film the feel of a Warner Bros cartoon, which at times makes the ultra violence seem oddly out of place.

The cast, particularly Brad Pitt and Aaron Taylor-Johnson are excellent, Michael Shannon turns up for the third act showdown that leaves nothing standing and Brian Tyree Henry as the Thomas the Tank Engine loving 'Lemon' is a delight.

It's a shame therefore that I didn't enjoyed it more, it's been ages since I've been able to see anything new at the cinema and I have to say that after the first hour it all became a little flat and repetitive and by the end of it I just wanted to end. It could do with being shorter, by at least a good thirty minutes or so. 

Not the worst thing I've seen this year, maybe it'll be better on a second viewing.

6/10