Welcome to the 35th movie in the official Marvel Movie Franchise, which started back in 2008 with Iron Man. This is the fourth Captain America movie and the first since 2016's Captain America: Civil War, when Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie) took up the mantel of Captain America. And now, nine years later we have this effort.
Against all expectations Anthony Mackie, who was great as the Falcon, makes an adequate 'new' Captain America, he gives good screen, but rest assured he's no Steve Rogers, and boy do you miss him.
Naturally, the MCU have copied the Lucas playbook, by making sure that enough shit Marvel related films have been released of late that this new effort will be judged and declared 'not as bad as' as if that was some sort of accolade. Lucas did the same thing with Star Wars by making The Phantom Dennis so shit that the subsequent Attack of the Clowns and Revenge of the Pissed seemed like works of cinematic genius in comparison.
The stupidly clumsy and over-egged pudding of a plot see Wilson brought back into the fold of government by newly elected red-in-the face president, Thaddeus Ross (Harrison Ford). He pardons all previous grievances between the US Government and Mackie and welcomes back Wilson asking him to reform the Avengers in one breathe then throwing him out of the White House the next. Ross is determined to force through something called the Celestial accord between Japan, America and India over the massive Celestial Island that was last seen in the dreadful Eternals movie shit-show back in 2021.
Wilson is invited to the White House and so drags along Falcon-in-training Jaoquin Torres (Danny Ramirez) and Carl Lumbly (Isaiah Bradley) who was once a super soldier during the Korean war and we're now told a mentor to Sam Wilson. Turns out Lumbly was imprisoned for 30 years and experimented on and now hates the government. Anyway the three turn up at the White House shindig and for reasons that become clear Lumbly and some other guests pull guns and try to kill the President, forcing Wilson and Torres to go on the run and find out what's really going on.
In the meantime, Japan and India pull out of the accord and try to claim the Celeste Island, the only place on Earth with Adamantium (don't tell Wolverine) leading Ross to instigate a race to the island to claim it first. In the meantime the mysterious international terrorist for hire, Seth Voelker aka Sidewinder (Giancarlo Espoisto) has been hired to mess shit up by The Leader (Time Blake Nelson), last seen in that Ed Norton Hulk movie.
Turns out that The Leader has beef with Ross for numerous reasons that too will be revealed over this slow running-plodding, rather dull, spy romp.
Added to a needlessly and rather obvious complicated plot about Wilson trying to find out who's pulling the strings behind the scenes and why Ross keeps getting red in the face, we have diminutive ex-Red Room trained ex-Black Widow agent Ruth Bat-Seraph (Shira Haas) slowly realising Wilson isn't the baddie. And all the time we have Ross who we won't like if he gets too red in the face. I wonder if that's related to the pills he keeps popping?
Anyway, if you've seen the trailer, you know it all comes to a showdown between the Red Hulk and Sam Wilson's Captain Falcon/America. Leaving many questions mulling around in your rather vaguely engaged brain including:
1. How is an ordinary human being like Wilson able to survive in fights with Hulk level beings, as well as hi-explosions and impacts that would kill an ordinary man?
2. How the hell is an ordinary man able to kick and punch an vibranium shield with his shin, fist and foot without causing himself extraordinary pain?
3. Why is it in films that you only feel pain if you're punched, not when you're doing the punching?
4. Why don't the authorities ever investigate stuff that happens in these sorts of films?
5. How is The Leader able to just turn up wherever and whenever he wants with no difficulty?
6. Where is Thor, Iron Man, Ant-Man or Spider-Man in all this? Sure Bucky turns up but that's just to chew the shit for one scene.
7. Why have all these comic book films morphed into second rate spy capers?
8. Why do super-hero films have to be so epic in scale?
Add to that the whole load of implausible coincidences that string this whole rather bland splodge of movie together and you have a middling, rather dull movie that's slightly better than anything the MCU has spewed out since 2021's Black Widow.
It's all just so goddam un-engaging. I find in my dottage that I fall asleep during films these days, usually during loud fight scenes, however during this I didn't fall asleep, although I came out thinking I had and trying to remember when I dozed off. I was amused to realise I hadn't.
The numerous action sequences seem shoe-horned into the plod, sorry plot, just to spice things up, but there's no jeopardy or urgency, and there's no threat or risk of death. It turns out nearly every single person this new Captain Falcon/America fights is being remotely controlled, so no real damage is done, and considering what a powerful opponent Sidewinder is shown to be in the trailer he turns out to be little more than a mild irritant, like a pebble in a Doc Martin boot, rather than an actual force equal to Crapton Falcon/America.
This film apparently suffered many reshoots, and the film has a definite uneven quality, during some scenes characters motivations seem to change, at times going in the opposite direction, and sequences shown in the trailer have clearly been reshot. The big reveal that someone big behind the scenes is manipulating the drama elicits a sort of 'oh' response, nothing really seems to matter. Added to that is a distinct lack of actual villains for Captain FalconAmerica to fight and you have a film that feels like Captain America Lite, a film lacking flavour or bite. One that will wash over you like another person's rancid fart, which once sniffed will soon be nothing more than a rather unpleasant, rapidly forgotten memory.
Roll on The Fantastic Four and Superman movies!
6/10
And if you're going to wait around for the post credit sting, I wouldn't bother, it's just a 3rd rate sequel bait, and certainly no Nick Fury level event. Save yourself 10 minutes of difficult to pronounce surnames with far too many Consonants.
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