#77: ETERNITY

STARRING by Miles Teller, Elizabeth Olsen, Callum Turner, John Early, Olga Merediz and Da'Vine Joy Randolph. Written by Pat Cunnane and David Freyne. Directed by David Freyne. Budget $8 million.  Running time 114 mintues.

80-something couple Joan Cutler (Betty Buckley) and her husband of 63years are attending a gender reveal party when Larry Cutler (Barry Primus) chokes to death on a pretzel and wakes up as Miles Teller in the afterlife. There he's asked to choose which eternity he'd like to have and the choice is limitless, Broland, Winecountry, or even Beachworld to name a few, but instead and much to the chargin of his Afterlife Coordinator, Anna (Da'Vine Joy Randolph) Larry refuses to choose announcing he's going to wait for his wife, Joan (Elizabeth Olsen) to arrive. Luckily a week later she passes away too and they're reunited. And then Joan's first husband, Luke (Callum Turner) a Naval pilot who died in the Korean war walks up, it turns out that he too has been waiting for 67 years for her to arrive and Joan finds herself in an impossible dilemma, which man will she choose to spend eternity with, or does she wish to go it alone? However there is a fly in the ointment. Once an Eternity has been choosen, you can never leave it, if you do you'll be hunted down like Logan's Run and exiled into the void. SO, choose wisely...

And that's the plot. What follows is an utterly glorious and wonderful romantic comedy that will have you laughing and crying in equal measure, it feels like a classic Hollywood Screwball Comedy, or those comedies that used to star Doris Day and Rock Hudson. The script is witty, and funny, fast paced and romantic, it explores not just the relationship between Joan and her two husbands, but also the growing relationship between the two husbands and also the relationship between the two Afterlife Coordinators assigned to cases, Anna and Ryan (John Early). Added to the mix is Karen (Olga Merediz) the life-long friend of Joan who knew both men. 

The production design is superb, the portrayal of the afterlife, seen as a infinity-sized railway arrival hall sat side-by-side with to a huge trade convention offering afterlife opportunities, is great and packed full of wonderful sight gags. The tone is upbeat and light but that never drowns the emotional core. This is a film that explores love and relationships and it's a real treat. But this isn't all fluff, there's a visit to the memory archive, where people can relive their lives, that offers a sombre note to the proceedings. 

This felt like a throw-back to a bygone time, the script never preaches, there's no hidden agenda or messaging trying to piggyback the ride, just the story of a woman trying to choose which husband to spend an eternity with. It's witty, funny, clever and utterly enjoyable and the running time of 114 minutes flew by. Catch it before it's lost for all eternity. 

9/10

I have this theory that Hollywood like to replace old movie stars with new, Brad Pitt was the new Robert Redford, Arnie was Victor Mature, Mel Gibson the new Rod Taylor and after this I can announce that Miles Teller is the new Rock Hudson.

#76: KILL BILL THE WHOLE BLOODY AFFAIR

 

STARRING: Uma Thurman, Lucy Liu, Vivica A. Fox, Daryl Hannah, Michael Madsen, Sonny Chiba, Julie Dreyfus, Chiaki Kuriyama, Gordon Liu, Michael Parks and David Carradine. Written and directed by Quentin Tarantino. Budget $60 million. Running time 275 minutes, or four and a half hours.

Heavily pregnant assassin and the 'most dangerous woman in the world' Beatrix 'The Bride' Kiddo aka Black Mamba (Uma Thurman) is beaten half-to-death, shot in the head and left for dead during her wedding dress rehearsal by members of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad (of which she was a member) and her mentor and lover the eponymous Bill (David Carradine). Four years later she awakens from a coma to find herself robbed of the child she was carrying and embarks on a bloody trail of revenge against the two men and four women who tried to kill her. The film told in chapters and chronologically out of order charts her battles against O-Ren Ishii- Cottonmouth (Lucy Liu), Vernita Green - Copperhead (Vicica A. Fox), Ellie Driver - California Mountain Snake (Daryl Hannah) and Budd - Sidwinder (Michael Madsen) until the final showdown with Bill himself. 

What follows is 275 minutes of pure cinematic genius, a glorious movie, one that now presented as a whole and not as two films released a year apart is a note perfect triumph, made by one of the last great auteurs of the cinema, Quentin Tarantino.

Originally released back in 2003 for Kill Bill films and 2004 for the second part, it's only now as a whole that Tarantino's vision can be experienced as he truly intended and what an astonishing visual feast it is! Seeing both together elevates both films to something close to perfection. The original Kill Bill was hailed by all, while the second film felt flat in comparison. Seen now as a whole,  slightly tweaked, with added sequences, an extended anime interlude and the original 'cliffhanger' removed, the journey of The Bride becomes an utterly absorbing experience, and the 275 minutes seemed to fly by, I found myself grinning for the entire running time, sucked in completely and fully engaged, to see this write large, in 35mm up on the big screen helped to complete the illusion. The music, handpicked by Tarantino fits perfectly, the acting peerless, David Carradine was never better, likewise Michael Parks playing two roles was sublime, as was Michael Madsen, not to mention either Thurman, Hannah or Liu, all of whom were superb! The look and cinematography gave this film its own unique and almost tactile feel. the cinematography by Robert Richardson has to take a special mention too, the colours, so rich and sumptuous. And whereas the original Kill Bill 2 seemed a tad wordy and talky, here as a whole the two halves compliment each other and help to create one of the greatest films of this century, so far. The script by Tarantino is filled with quote-worthy lines and some truly beautifully written scenes. He really was never better than with this and whereas i still really enjoy his films, this is the one I love beyond measure. The action so expertly shot and now presented in all its uncut gory glory is astounding. No need for shaky cam or frantic editing, here everything is in shot and choreographed by a stunt team of utter legends. GODDAM IT! I have to stop, I have nothing bad about this film! 

There are some people who do not like Tarantino the man, or his works who will call Kill Bill ploddy and boring, or all style over content, but to those people I will say that not only are you wrong, but your opinion is also utterly without merit and completely wrong. We should count ourselves lucky to live in a world where Tarantino can create unique, original works that confound our expectations.

Drop everything and go and see this on the big screen as soon as you can. I cannot think of a single thing I did not like about the film, it truly was one of those extremely rare cinematic occurrences, a note-perfect, cinematic triumph that will go down in history as one of the best films of all-times. 

A total stone-cold 10/10.

#75: PILLION

STARRING Harry Melling, Alexander Skarsgård, Douglas Hodge, Lesley Sharp, Jake Shears and Anthony Welsh. Written and directed by Harry Lighton, based on the book Box Hill by Adam Mars-Jones. Running time 107.

Harry Melling is Colin, a young, lonely, gay traffic warden still living at home with his terminally-ill mum, Peggy (Lesley Sharp) and his dad, Pete (Douglas Hodge). He spends his days being verbally abused by irate motorists and his evenings enduring cringe-worthy first-dates with any gay man, Colin's mum can find in her social group. That is when he's not singing, with his brother, in their father's barber's shop quartet. Then one night Ray (Alexander Skarsgård), dressed in skin-tight bike leathers, strides into his life and Colin's life is turned upside down. Before you can say, 'Can I get you a drink?' Colin's on his knees in a grotty alleyway fellating Ray and licking his boots. The next day he's a fully signed up member of the BDSM community, living alongside Ray's dog, Rosie, in Ray's spartan home, cooking, cleaning, getting his head shaved, sleeping on the floor of Ray's bedroom and being Ray's sex toy, whenever the urge grips him, and Colin couldn't be happier in his submissive role. It's a role Colin seems to have been born to play, and he soon finds himself deeply immersed in a gay biker gang BDSM club that Ray rides with. As time passes, Colin begins to feel the need for something more emotional, a non-sexual connection, maybe the chance to sleep in Ray's bed at night, or just be hugged occasionally rather than flung around like a rag doll in a bout of BDSM wrestling.  

Ray is stoic, silent and utterly mesmerising and beyond being fantastically sexual, we learn absolutely nothing about him, his past, his job, his aspirations, in fact he barely speaks. He spends his nights reading, and ordering Colin to perform anything he desires, all we learn of him is that tattooed in the middle of his chest are three names, all female and that the only living thing Ray seems to have any true affection for is his Rottweiler.

The wonderful thing about this film is that Colin's homosexuality is utterly accepted by everyone in his sphere, his co-workers, his brother and his parents, they don't care if their son is gay, it's never an issue and it's just accepted and it was quite refreshing. It's also incredibly rare to see gay sex in a mainstream movie, it's even rarer to watch two men dressed in skin-tight lycra, wrestling  on a mat before engaging in full-on sex, which to the un-initiated would seem to more akin to rape that than consenting, so welcome to the world of BDSM.

This was a fascinating cinematic experience, at times this is incredibly uncomfortable to watch, the sex seems so aggressive, so outside anything I'm used to that it's awkward to watch, but yet Colin is such an eager and willing participant to the sex that you no option but accept it as the norm. Colin wants it and boy does he get it, but what he also wants is an emotional connection, especially once his mother dies, and that's when problems begin to rise in their relationship. He asks Ray for a day where they just do normal couple things, and to share his Ray's bed, and maybe cuddle or just kiss and it's the highlight of the film. 

The performances from the two leads is mesmerising, although Harry Melling's face is a tough watch, Luckily Alexander Skarsgård isn't. Good performances, well shot and with a strong soundtrack. I might have had issues with this particular type of sex, but not with the film itself or the story at its core.

8/10

#74: NUREMBERG

 

STARRING: Russell Crowe, Rami Malek, Michael Shannon, Richard E. Grant, Leo Woodall, John Slattery, Mark O'Brien, Colin Hanks, Wrenn Schmidt and Lydia Peckham. Written and directed by James Vanderbilt. Running time 148 minutes.

Welcome to Oscar bait season. 

Based on the book, The Nazi and the Psychiatrist. The film chronicles the efforts of U.S. Army psychiatrist, Douglas Kelley (Rami Malek) to psychoanalysis and keep safe Hermann Göring (Russell Crowe) and 10 other high-ranking members of the Nazi party long enough so they can stand trial for war crimes in Nuremberg. 

The film is earnestly and seriously made and the actors, all save one, do a damn fine job, Crowe eats the cast for dinner, hence his enormous girth and give the film its true menace and power. the film starts by following Michael Shannon's Robert H. Jackson as he fights to have the War Crimes Trials set up in the first place, and then later in the third act as the leader of the prosecution, and his work with Sir David Maxwell Fyfe (Richard E. Grant) to land a conviction against Göring. The second and main thread follows Rami Malek's Douglas Kelley as he interviews Göring and the other Nazis, and his relationship with his German-born Jewish American translator and US Army solider Sgt Howie Triest (Leo Woodall). And finally in the final act the court case itself.  

This is an earnest and deeply sincere work whose only fly in the ointment is the dashing Hollywood star who's as wooden as he is stiff, Rami Malek who stands out like a massive sore thumb. While the rest of the cast easily breeze through their roles, Malik screams "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MY CRAFT! GOD, I'M A GREAT ACTOR!" He spends most of the time posing in doorways, or smoking, or turning around to deliver lines facing us, or dressed in a T-shirt, which feels so anachronistic for the time. He's all twitches, pouts and teeth and never feels comfortable in the role, while in complete contrast Russell Crowe just fucking smashes it like a gladiator. 

The film's course sees the preparations of the trial and Kelley's numerous interviews with Göring, then cuts to Kelley racing off for lunch with Göring's wife and daughter before racing back for more interviews, before the classic third act drama of him being dismissed from the military and sent home, but staying long enough to deliver the evidence that will convict Göring, and everyone stands and nod their approval of him. 

The trial is the most profound element of the film and the use of the actual footage from the Nazi death camps that were shown at the trial still have the unbelievable power to shock, even today.

The film has an unhurried, thoughtful and powerful feel which makes you realise how if left unchecked certain current world leaders aren't a million miles away for the horrors of Hitler and his despicable ilk.

7/10

#73: WICKED FOR GOOD

 

                                                 

STARRING: Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande-Butera, Jonathan Bailey, Ethan Slater, Michelle Yeoh, Jeff Goldblum. Screenplay by Winnie Holzman and Dana Fox, based on Wicked by Stephen Schwartz and the 'book' Wicked by Winnie Holzman. Directed by Jon M. Chu. Budget $150 million. Running time 137 minutes.

11 months have passed since Wicked first sung and danced its way into the collective subconscious of the world through the medium of cinema. 11 months since I gave up 160 minutes of my life to listen to one continuous song and I've not seen it since. I remember hating it with a passion until the characters got on the emerald train and travelled to the Emerald City, which is when I finally engaged with the film and where it  finally came alive. But that bit set in that hateful school filled with a bingo card of memes and stereotypes just baked my biscuits and left me seething with a deep, unending loathing for all those hideous emotionally stunted and oppressively needy twats.

Anyway, 11 months has passed, all memory erased and so I went back with my daughter, whom I saw the first with, to experience this - the second and concluding chapter.  The story set after the events of the first film sees Elphaba Thropp aka THe Wicked Witch of the West (Cynthia Erivo) waging her absolutely useless and pointless war on behalf of animal rights, meanwhile her best buddy Glinda Upland, aka Glinda the Good (Ariana Grande-latte) flies around in her big pink bubble spreading good cheer. While back in the Emerald City the Wizard of Oz (Jeff Goldblum) and Madam Morrible (Michelle Yeoh) sort of do things, like imprison the magical animals, build the yellow brick road and ban the Munchins from travelling. leaving the remaining talking animals to escape Oz for an unknown realm. Then there's Winkie prince, Fiyero Tigelaar (Jonathan Bailey) who secretly pines for Thropp but pretends to love Glinda, while Thropp's paraplegic sister Nessarose Thropp (Marissa Bode) governs Munchkinland and believes her assistant, Bog Woodsman (Ethan Slater) loves her, while he only has eyes for Glinda. Anyway, Madame Borrible gets Fiyero to ask Galinda to marry him and everyone gets ready for the big day. Meanwhile Elphaba tries to get the rest of Oz to realise the Wizard is up to no good, but he's convinced everyone that she's the one up to no good. Then Galinda convinces her that the Wizard is good and for about thirty seconds, the three agree to team up and make Oz a better place, but then the Wizard reveals he's up to no good and Elphaba gate-crashes the wedding and all hell breaks loose. Then a tornado turns up, from the original film and does what it does sending Dorothy off on an adventure and Galinda, Elphaba, Woodsman and Fiyero are forced to do something to save the day. 

Look, there's a lot going on and it's hard to sumarise the whole film in a concise manor. But the end result is there's a lot of talking, a lot of songs and a lot of emotions flying round. 

Overall I'm surprised to say I quite enjoyed this, it's mercifully shorter than the first film by 30 minutes, the production values are outstanding - the attention to detail in the costumes and the art direction are excellent. The performances, particularly from the two leads is great, including their singing. Indeed everything except for the story is utterly top notch, it's only because this film lacks any bite and the story is very floopy robs this from being a rip-roaring success. There are many questions left unanswered and to much of this is just toothless and far too gentle for the likes of me. The Wicked Witch of the West spends a considerable amount of screen time moping about the forest and committing half-arsed acts of sedition before running away following harsh words. Madam Torrible is revealled to be almost utterly powerless and despite showing some serious magical chops in the first film here is only able to sum up one tornado, and the Wizard (Goldblum) who shines isn't given enough to do and sort of drifts away from the story. 

Not remotely hateful and rather enjoyable. I didn't leave the cinema wishing everyone involved a horrible and painful death, so you know, winner, winner chicken dinner.

8/10 for the production values but only 6/10 for the lacklustre script for a final score of 7/10. 

#72: SISU: ROAD TO REVENGE

 

STARRING: Jorma Tommila, Stephen Lang and Richard Brake. Written and directed by Jalmari Helander. Budget $12.2 million. Running time 89 minutes.

Two years ago the original Sisu movie, Sisu exploded onto cinema screens in a 93 minute orgy of unrelenting uber-violence against a battalion of fleeing Nazis in the dying days of World War II. 

This one, Sisu: Road to Revenge sees our death-proof one-man-killing machine, Aatami Korpi (Jorma Tommila) the Sisu of the title, do the same thing, but this time, to the might of the Soviet Union's Red Army. 

WWII is over and our hero, Aatami, a gold-miner and Finnish ex-commando sets out in his huge truck into Soviet occupied Finland to return to his home - a log cabin. There he dismantles it log-by-log and attempts to transport it back to free Finland so he can rebuild it in honour of his family who were butchered by Red Army commander, Igor Draganov (Stephen Lang). For reasons never really explained, the Soviets unleash Draganov, who's been imprisoned in a Siberian gulag to kill Aatami by any means possible. 

To save time, I've used parts of my review of the first film, since the only thing that's changed is brand of enemy that Aatami faces, so just replace the other 'N' word with 'Soviet Conscript'. 

"What follows is a relentless and brutal battle that doesn't let up as Aatmai takes on them all on in a no-holds barred fight to the death and seemingly beyond as, with the power of Sisu, he manages to survive death at every turn, with almost supernatural power. This is savage, brutal and unrepentant. The Nazis die in violent gouts of bloody gore, and as the death toll rises so does the inventiveness of the kills." 

And that's the main problem with this film. While watching Nazi scumbags being slaughtered in ultra-violent acts of pure barbarity is always a delight, watching the same treatment ditched out to a silent army of Soviet Conscripts doesn't carry the same levity and most certainly doesn't feel justified. Watching a train's worth of young Soviet Conscripts hacked-to-death, shot-to-death, stabbed-to-death, beaten-to-death or stamped-to-death becomes an uncomfortable watch.

Stephen Lang's Igor Draganov is a very one-note character whose most used word of vocabulary is 'Fuck', or variations of. He's there to give us a showdown and the obligatory fight to the death, although his demise is one of the hi-lights of the film.

What makes this watchable is the fact it's not a Hollywood movie, because it is Finnish it has a quality, look and style that makes it engaging, the staging of the action is freed from shaky-cam and frenzied editing of its US counterparts and the added gore and blood gouts elevates this, last week's The Running Man has the same body count, more or less, but hides its shame behind a feeble 12A certificate. This comes with a full-blooded 15 certificate and rightly so. Violence shouldn't be glamourised or homogenised and this is fully unpasturised violence.

This, like the first, as moments of outrageous intentional humour and some spectacular deaths but I find that I can also reuse my summing-up of the first film with just a couple of tweaks for this one. 

"[Not as] Funny, [but just as] brutal and savage. Not everyone's cup of tea but this is every WWII film crossed with Rambo and Friday 13th with Jason Voorhees as the hero.

8/10

#71: EBIRAH: HORROR OF THE DEEP

 

STARRING: Akira Takarada, Kumi Mizuno, Chotaro Togin, Hideo Sunazuka, Haruo Nakajima and Hiroshi Sekita. Screenplay by Shinichi Sekizawa. Special effects by Sadamasa Arikawa. Directed by Jun Fukuda. Originally released in 1966. Running time 86 minutes.

This is was the first Godzilla film I ever saw, when it was shown way back in 1982 on Channel Four back when it showed eclectic movies. I'd been a fan of Godzilla for far longer, ever since I'd seen pictures in my various Octopus published books about science fiction and horror films, but this was the first time I got to see him in action and boy what a treat!

The story sees five random people drawn to a remote and mysterious island somewhere in the South Pacific, each with their own reasons, for one it's the chance to look for his lost at sea big brother, for another, an attempt to hide out following a successful bank heist, for another to escape a press-ganged slave gang, while the last two are just lug-headed friends who somehow got drawn into the whole crazy adventure. When the first four arrive on the island they find themselves hunted by a super-secret society hellbent on destroying the world and preparing to unleash atomic armageddon on an unsuspecting world. It turns out the island is the secret base of an environmental terrorist gang called: The Red Bamboo. As luck would have it again, the island just so happens to be the bedroom of Godzilla who's currently kipping under a mountain. Meanwhile off the coast lives a giant red lobster called Ebirah, who just so happens to be the Horror of the Deep and he's controlled by the Red Bamboo who use a special yellow liquid to keep it under control. Anyway, things lead to other things and before you can say, 'Oops, that wasn't very smart' Godzilla has been awoken and all hells broken loose, all culminating in the greatest film trope of all times, the activation of a self destruct mechanism that's going to sink the island, while Godzilla goes toe to claw with Ebirah. And that's before Mothra turns up late in the third act.  

What follows is 86 minutes of pure delight, an utterly guileless romp that's not ashamed for one second to be pure pantomine one second, brutal monster smackdowns the next, with elements of James Bond thrown in for good measure, and a jungle-based adventure romp! And when Godzilla and Ebirah finally get together for the first of their two massive battles the screen positively bounces from the sight of these humungous leviathans dishing out the smackdowns. The scale of the island and the ocean works well with the beasties and helps to sell the conceit perfectly. And the final utter annihilation of the island through atomic explosion in the climax is a sight to behold.

This utterly cemented my love of all things Godzilla when I first saw it all those years ago and watching it again 44 years later up on a big screen was a treat I never thought I'd get to enjoy. What an utter joyess experience, from the outrageously bonkers script and over exaggerated acting, to the peerless man-in-a-rubber-suit special effects and beautiful model work, and the bat-shit bonkers tonal shifts in story, pacing and action. Featuring four Kaiju monsters, an army of gun-crazy goons, an evil secret organisation hell-bent on destroying the world with home-made atomic weapons and the added pleasure of the Cosmo Twins, this was an utter and wonderful delight from beginning to end and I loved every single sodding second of it. 

The phrase 'They don't make films like that anymore' could not be any more truer and this film proves without a shadow of a doubt that when a man has become bored of watching another man in a rubber suit destroying scale models of cities of secret bases he is bored with life.

I love, love, loved this wonderful little film and simply cannot fault it. A note-perfect gem of a movie that should be seen on the big screen whenever possible. 

Godzilla thy name is perfection. 10/10