#50: THE NAKED GUN

STARRING: Liam Neeson, Pamela Anderson, Paul Walter Hauser, Kevin Durand & Danny Huston. Written by Dan Gregor, Doug Mand and Akiva Schaffer. Directed by Akiva Schaffer. Produced by Seth MacFarlane and Erica Huggins. Budget $42 million. Running time 85 minutes. 

The film opens with a bank robbery in progress where an item called 'P.L.O.T. DEVICE' is stolen from a vault box by Kevin Durand's Sig Gustafson, henchman to Richard Cane (Danny Huston). Soon after a wrecked car turns up with a dead body and Lt Frank Drebin Jnr (Liam Neeson) is assigned both cases. When Beth Davenport (Pamela Anderson), the sister of the dead body in the car turns up widowed Drebin is drawn into a passionate romance that intertwines with a sinister conspiracy involving Richard Cane which might just end up causing the end of the world.

The stakes, both literally and literally, have never been higher for a Naked Gun movie, and this new one, a 'legacy sequel' to 1994's Naked Gun 33 1/3 starring the last, great Leslie Neilson as Lt. Frank Drebin is a daring effort. Will this film resonate with the youth of today who, it seems, find comedies where farting is funny problematic and where jokes about sex with dogs are considered tasteless?

Packed to the gill with jokes both verbal and visual, the film never lets up and the sense of utter stupidity and silliness is so thick you could cut it with a knife. No stupid pun or smutty joke is left unturned or said and the success rate, oddly enough is rather high. I laughed out loud many times and Liam shows off some powerful comedy chops. Similarly, proving she's also a game gal is Pamela Anderson who has some great comedic timing, and in one scene alone, the superb jazz club she dazzles singing a staggering ridiculous song. And Danny Huston is an utter delight, his villainous Cane is brilliant, his climactic fight with Drebin is worth the admission price alone. There's also an excellent back and forth about the Black Eyed Peas which had me almost weeping with laughter. 

This film is the very definition of 'it isn't big and it isn't clever', and it's a delight because of it. There's an over abundance of innuendo gags, which delighted me immensely, and it's been so long since any so called comedy produced by Hollywood has been this cravenly and openly childish and I laughed myself horse. There are two standout jokes which I'm still laughing about the first when Drebin says to Beth as she gazes out of the window over hollywood, "UCLA?" to which she replies, "Yes, Frank everyday, I live there." and the second was how he described her bottom in a voice over. For once this film wasn't ruined by the trailer. Everybody seemed wildly game. 

All that said, it's not perfect, even with a running time of just 85 minutes the second half dragged and there's a sequence with an owl that goes on way too long. And oddly enough some of it seems too police procedural at times. This is also one of those films that defies critical appreciation. So I reviewed it from the point of vierw that it made me laugh. A lot. But mostly because it's just so goddam silly and deeply childish. 

In fact I haven't laughed this much since Jackass IV. 

7/10

#48&49: FANTASTIC FOUR: FIRST STEPS.

 

STARRING: Pedro Pascal, Vanessa Kirby, Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Joseph Quinn, Julia Garner, Sarah Niles, Mark Gatiss, Natasha Lyonne, Paul Walter Hauser and Ralph Ineson. Screenplay and story by: Josh Friedman, Eric Pearson, Jef Kaplan and Ian Springer and Kat Wood. Produced by Kevin Feige. Directed by Matt Shakman. Budget $200 million dollars. Running time 114 minutes. 

Featuring one of the single worst movie posters of all times, this is the fourth Fantastic Four film in 31 years, the first being Roger Corman's 1994 film and it's also 37th film in the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe). And easily the best Marvel film since Avengers Infinity War and Endgame. It comes at a time when we, the movie going public, seem to have lost our passion for all things superhero related. 

With Marvel desperate to re-start our love of superheroes, the whole fate of the MCU rests in hands of the FF. The story set on an alternative Earth, in the early 1960s introduces the FF four years after their initial appearance and the world has been greatly enhanced and improved place since then, with flying cars, giant TV screens, robots, monorails and a dirty great big rocket launching pad in the middle of the Hudson River. We meet Reed Richards (Pascal), Sue Storm (Vanessa Kirby), The Thing (Ebon Moss-Bachrach) and Johnny Storm (Joseph Quinn) sitting down to enjoy their weekly Sunday dinner ritual when an intergalactic herald by the name of The Silver Surver (Julia Garner) turns up tells the world that its to be consumed by a being called Galactus (Ralph Ineson) and leaves. The FF fly off to confront Galactus and get their collective bottoms powned by a massive intergalactic being in a onesie who's suffering the worst case of the munchies in history. When he detects Sue Storm is pregnant he demands the child in return for sparing the Earth from his hunger. Refusing to acquiesce Reed and Co flee back to Earth to prepare for the coming apocalypse.

This was just glorious! the tone, style, casting and look of the film is near perfect. The chemistry between the First Family binds the film and their natural ease is the glue that does the binding. With a script that mixes light touches of humour with drama and action and peril is very well balanced. Doing away with an origin story for the FF, we're given enough info to accept their existence and by focusing only on them and not filling the screen with other superheroes, something that somewhat muddied the waters with Superman, the film amply holds our attention. Oddly enough the one thing that usually narks me about superhero films is the threat which always seems to be of a global mass extinction event, however here that threat feels all too personal and localised, even if it is the entire city of NY. The film is packed with incident, but never to the detriment of the narrative, and as a result has a wonderful energised quality about it. 

The special effects are also mostly spot on, bar a few jarring transitions from live action to CGI. The Thing in particular is spot on, and Reed Richards stretch abilities never look embarrassing or amateurish. Likewise, the look of the 60s throughout the film feels organic and natural and fits in perfectly with the feel of the FF. And this film does manage to capture the glorious energy of those original comics created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, who get name checked up at the beginning and even feature a blink and you'll miss it cameo. Indeed, the film is packed with nods to the comic past of the FF and will reward long term comic fans with eagle eyes. 

I've been waiting for this for a long time and keeping my fingers crossed that it delivered and boy does it do that! In spades! This is Marvel back on top and firing on all cylinders, ditching he need of a message or ramping up the humour, Fantastic Four: First Family successfully launches Marvel's first every superhero group triumphantly into the 21st Century and beyond! I've already seen this twice and might even try for a third time. I bloody loved it!

An absolute delight from beginning to end, with no soggy bottom, drawn out climax, or sassy teenage girl saving the day. 

With this and the also excellent Superman, I'd say that far from Superhero fatigue, the future looking rosy for the supes! 

It features two post credit stings, the first is killer, the second just filler.

9/10 

#44, #45, #46: THE LORD OF THE RINGS: FELLOWSHIP, THE TWO TOWERS, RETURN OF THE KING - EXTENDED VERSIONS

                   

STARRING: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Sean Astin, Liv Tyler, Bernard Hill, Cate Blanchett, John Rhys-Davies, Andy Serkis, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, Orlando Bloom, Christopher Lee, Hugo Weaving and Sean Bean. Written by Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson and Stephen Sinclair. Directed by Peter Jackson. Music by Howard Shore. Combined budget for all three films: $281 million. Box office taking so far: $2.964 BILLION dollars. Running time for all three extended films 683 minutes or 11 hours and 38 minutes. Originally released 2001-2003.

The story sees eight friends going off into the wilderness on a men-only, boozy Stag-do, only for the groom-to-be and his best man go missing with the wedding ring, leading to much hilarity when his pals set off to find them before the big day.

Watched over three nights at Cineworld and taking up a staggering 11 hours and 38 minutes, this was a true cinematic experience that exceeded expectations. This was the first time I've ever seen the extended editions on the big screen and boy was it worth it. There's something about watching movies on the big screen and at the cinema which truly ignites the imagination, you get immersed in a way you can't at home, you spot small details, and you marvel at the sheer scale and size of the glorious edifice, and best of all you end up getting swept up in the adventure. 

The script by Walsh, Boyens, Jackson and Sinclair is superb, the dialogue and language is so layered and nuanced, indeed everything about this epic undertaking is peerless, the direction, the art direction, the costumes, the production design, the music, the editing, the performances, the everything, I simply can't fault it. Sure the running time is bum numbing, but the spectacle is worth it. 

All three films, an easy 10/10

 

  

 

#43 & 47: SUPERMAN

 

STARRING: David Corenswet, Rachel Brosnahan, Nicholas Hoult, Edi Gathegi, Anthony Carrigan, Nathan Fillion and Isabela Merced. Written and directed by James Gunn. Budget $225 million. Running time 125 minutes. Two post credit stings.

And so came Superman, with a huge weight of expectation on its shoulders and on the shoulders of its writer and director, James Gunn who took control from Zack Synder, cleaning house in the process and recasting the whole thing with newbie David Corenswet taking over from man of ham Henry Carvill in the titular role.

The film skips the need for yet another origin story and gets straight to it, with Superman (David Corenswet) literally crashing landing in the Artic having suffered his first defeat at the hands of a mech-suit powered individual called Ultraman. It won't be Supes only defeat as he seems to spend most of this film having the living shit kicked, or punched out of him. Over and over again, we witness Superman failing, forced to run away and recharge himself by the sun before racing back to try and save the day. Meanwhile Lex Luthor (Nicholas Hoult) orchestrates his nefarious masterplan to rid the world of his arch-enemy and secure himself some prime real-estate in the process. Aiding Supes are The Justice Gang, a ragtag bunch of meta-humans including Green Lantern, Mr. Terrific, Hawkgirl and Metamorpho, and his adopted dog, Krypto. And of course Lois Lane (Rachel Brosnahan) who likewise gives more than adequate performance. 

What follows is a good natured, very kind-hearted film, filled with lots of action, some great special effects and funny dialogue. Sadly, while it never threatens to scale the giddy heights of the 1978 classic it does entertain. David Corenswet is a worthy successor to the mantle and he brings a virtuous spirit to role. The film is fun and entertaining but never really soars, Superman seems lost among so many other meta-humans and his constant ass-whoppings become frustrating. Nicholas Hoult's Luthor is this film's MVP and he seems to thrive in the malice he brings to the role. There are a few rather big plot holes along the way and lots of Easter Eggs to get the fans excited, including some famous DC characters. And that's about it. 

For those of your interested there are two post credit stings. 

I liked this, but didn't love it. It flew but didn't soar and Superman wasn't super enough but it was still worth the wait.

8/10 

 

#42: M3GAN 2.0

 

STARRING: Allison Williams, Violet McGraw, Ivanna Sakhno and Jemaine Clement. Written by Gerard Johnstone and Akela Cooper. Directed by Gerard Johnstone. Budget $25 million. Running time 120 minutes.

The sequel to the 2022 grossed £181 million worldwide and scored a very satisfying 93% on Rotten Tomato. It was a tight, little horror thriller with a great premise and a genuinely creepy protagonist that didn't outstay its welcome. So it was a no brainer that we'd be getting a sequel, with a great little template to follow what could possibly go wrong?

Cut to three years later and M3GAN 2.0 has arrived and we found out exactly what could go wrong. 

This feels far more like M3GAN 3 than 2. Traditionally with a direct sequel we get more of the same just amped up to the Nth degree. It's usually only in the 3rd installment that the increasingly desperate film makers try to mix things up and oomph the anti to entice the audience back. And that's what this does in absolute spades but sadly it doesn't pay off. That said, this isn't a trainwreck by any measure, it still rather entertaining, it's just overloaded with far too much stuff, and M3GAN has gone from creepy girl-sized killer robot to a young woman with protocols to prevent her harming humans. And she's up against another killer AI female robot killer. This is much more science fiction than the original and the introduction of a super AI intelligence trying to escape into the real world feels awfully similar to a certain Mission Impossible film from a month or so back. 

Actually that said, you kinda of wish that there'd been a similar sort of showdown in MISS IMP: DR between Ethan and the Entity as we see here between M3gan and the AI, a physical kinda of showdown rather than the dimming of the lights we were given. 

This time round there's more humour, more gurning and more camp, but far less in the way of horror or tension. 

Entertaining while it's on, but utterly forgettable once it's over.

6/10

#40: JURASSIC WORLD: REBIRTH

STARRING: Scarlett Johansson, Mahershala Ali, Jonathan Bailey, Rupert Friend, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Ed Skrein, Written by David Koepp. Directed by Gareth Edwards. Budget $180 million dollars. Running time 133 minutes. 

First off the good news! Back in 2022 the last film in this series, the truly awful Jurassic World: Dildo-Minion landed the top spot on my list of the worst films of the year. I mean it was appalling. This one won't end up on this year's list. There endth the good news.

This is the seventh film in the never-ending pantheon of films based on or inspired by the originator Jurassic Part back in 1933. It's been three years since the last World effort and this one is a bit different because it's written by David Koepp who wrote the original first two films and who isn't half bad as a writer, and directed by Gareth Edwards who did the stonkingly good Godzilla (2014), Star Wars: Rogue One (2016) and the visually strinking Creator (2023). It also ditches the idiotic story line about the clone child, the dubious acting talents of Chris Twatt, and those sodding annoying raptors.

To understand the dynamics of this film, I've decided to replace the names of the characters with their job descriptions. So, for example Scarlett Johansson becomes Covert Operations Expert, Jonathan Bailey becomes Paleontologist, Rupert Friend is Corporate Big Shot, Mahershala Ali is Team Leader. Then there's  Ship-wrecked Dad, Ship-wrecked Dad's Youngest Daughter, Ship-wrecked Dad's Eldest Daughter, Ship-wrecked Dad's Eldest Daughter's Boyfriend, as well as, Cannon Fodder One, Cannon Fodder Two and Cannon Fodder Three. To make things simple I've initialised each job description to help with reading the synopsis. CCE, P, CBS, TL, SWF, SWFYD, SWFED, SWFEDB, CF#1, CF#2. and of course, CG#3 See, much easier. 

And now to the film itself.

The plot, since there is no story, sees the following happen. Back in the recent past (five years) a stupid scientist in a full-body hazmat suit but with an open visor helmet is eating a Snickers bar in a top secret research laboratory on yet another one of those sodding islands. Chocolate plays an important part in this film and without the Snickers bar in this one, there simply wouldn't be a film. Seriously.

Anyway, before you know it there's another dinosaur outbreak. I kid not. The events of this entire film happen because an idiot eats a Snickers bar. Seriously.

However in the present, Palaeontologist (P) is sad because no one loves dinosaurs anymore and the Natural History Museum is being closed down (assumably because everyone watched the last three movies). Luckily, Corporate Big Shot (CBS) convinces Covert Operations Expert (COE) to take him and P to the dinosaur island for lots and lots of money. So, SOE, CBS and P meet up with Team Leader (TM) on his super-fast, state of the art, ship and set off to hunt down three dinosaurs and take samples of their blood to make a vaccine to save people. Meanwhile in another part of the ocean on a wholly inadequate yacht a non-nuclear family comprising soon-to-be Shipwreck Dad, his young daughter, his elder daughter, and his eldest daughter's dead-beat boyfriend are shipwrecked by one of the dinosaurs that other guys are hunting and end up being rescued and then going along for the ride. However it isn't long before everybody is shipwrecked again, and we lose CF#1 and CF#2 in quick fashion. Obviously, because CBS is working for a big pharmaceutical company, he's just another Carter J. Burke, so naturally he's up to no good. The family of ship wrecked job descriptions are separated from the other bunch, but luckily all on the same island and so both sets of job descriptions set off to rendezvous at an abandoned village on the other side of the island, where COE has conveniently arranged for a helicopter to pick them up, but only if they can get there in time, the helicopter will only wait two-minutes before pissing off. Christ, even Uber drivers wait longer than that. 

Anyway, lots of stuff happens, there's action, drama, excitement and stupidity beyond the dreams of adverse. There are moments between the action when some of the job descriptions give you back story to make you feel for them, but you don't. Other jobs do things that hasten their own demise because that's their role, and yet another job surprises everybody by not being the way you were expecting from his job description.

AND YET. It was rather fun. If you can ignore the following. The awful plotting, the terrible product placements, seriously Doritos, Sneakers, M&Ms, and a whole litany of sweets and snacks. There's an entire functioning petrol station at the abandoned village on the dinosaur island that is still fully functioning and it's packed full of sugary delight even after 5 years of inactivity.. There's even a smaller dinosaur that SWDYD gets addicted to candy. 

The dinosaurs look great. Well, three of them do, the T-Rex, in the best scene in the film, seriously good, very edge-of-your-seat good, then there's the TerryandJunesarus and its cliff lair, which is pretty good too and then of course there's the bit where we get to see Jaws but with dinosaurs, and that's really good! In fact, come to think of it, all the bits with the dinosaurs were good. It's just all the bits with the thick as shit humans doing stupid things that begins to grate. You're on the side of the dinosaurs, wishing them on, "Please", you silently plead, cos you're in a cinema and it's not polite to talk, "kill them all, kill that little fucker who keeps feeding that poor dinosaur all that candy. Then kill that wanker with the stupid beard cos he's a shit boyfriend. And please, please kill the bloke with the briefcase cos he's seriously stoopid." And then the whole film suffers an Alien Romulus incident and all that good will is literally pissed up the sodding wall when a goddam gigantic made-up dinosaur hybrid Alien monster/creature roars into view for the final climatic showdown.

And it's thankfully over.

Like I said, there were great bits, and lots of fun to be had, but by the same token there was a lot of stupidity and shit too. Still I didn't loathe with the same bile and hate as the last two of these shit shows, so you know. Winner, winner, almost chicken dinner.

7/10 

#41: F1: The Movie

STARRING: BRAD PITT, Damson Idris, Kerry Condon, Tobias Menzies and Javier Bardem. Written by Ehren Kruger. Directed by Joseph Kosinski. Budget $300 million. Running time 156 minutes.

Grand Prix, Le Mans, Days of Thunder and The Love Bug, just some of the legendary films that have been made about motor racing. To that pantheon comes this, the latest, and most expensive, FI: The Movie. Starring not one, but two of the most charismatic hunks of beef on the silver screen, Brad Pitt and Javier Bardem who bring so much male sex appeal to this that it renders the need for a critical analysis of this picture practically pointless. 

The utterly improbable plot sees 61 year old 'nomadic racer-for-hire and former Formula One Driver'* Sonny Hayes (Brad Pitt) recruited by his old best mate, Ruben Cervantes (Javier Bardem) the team owner of APXGP to help him win just one race in the last nine races of the F1 season, to save APEX from being sold off. 

And that's it. Obviously there's a young hot-headed rookie racer, Joshua Pearce (Damson Idris) who's also racing for Apex so the two drivers can crash heads (and cars) and the old timer can teach the youngling in a sort of Karate Kid kinda way how to race real good. Then there's the moustache-twiddling baddie, fellow APX corporate board member Peter Banning (Tobias Menzies) who wants the team to fail so he can sell them off and make money. The love interest comes in the guise of technical director and car designer Kate McKenna (Kerry Condon) whose revolutionary new (SPOILER ALERT) spoiler winds the day (Geddit?).

Naturally, all the secondary characters all initially dislike Sonny, cos he's a rebel but come to respect him in the end. And talking of ends, this one literally comes down to the final race of the season and the literal final PITT stop!

Thank holy fuck for the charisma of both Bardem and Pitt is all I can say. Both men ooze such rugged male gorgeousness and charm that they double-handedly save this from being a total car crash of a movie. Brad gives a masterclass in acting and I found myself watching his face in extreme close up even in a two shot, just watching the man at work. By god he's good, he delivers lines with relaxed calm and even makes funny lines plausible. He dominates the screen and owns it to the utter detriment of everyone else, except Bardem. BTW, in case you weren't aware, Pitt is one of my passes. 

ANYWAY, what of the film I hear you groan. Well, the action is good, the races are teeth-clenching, it's directed by the bloke what did 2022's Top Gun: Maverick, although this one is far less intense than that. The trouble with F1 races is that the merest touch between cars and the race is over, and so too in the film, just when you're engaged and engrossed in a race two cars touch and it's over and it's back to the pit lane and off-track shenanigans, bickering, romance and bro-mance. This is a film with no skin in the game, the ending is never in doubt. It is, come to think of it, the equivalent of the great 1954 bio pic The Glenn Miller Story, but without the trumpets and clarinets, it presents only the good stuff and no whiff of bad behaviour or drama, apart from some youthful cockiness, and mild villiany. It's a film that is intense but never truly exciting, action-packed but also very much by the gears. 

And once it's over, you'll park it away and forget where you left it in the multi-story carpark of your memory.

7/10

*Thank you Wikipedia.