#31: THEY WILL KILL YOU

 

STARRING: Zazie Beetz, Myha'la, Paterson Joseph, Tom Felton, Heather Graham and Patricia Arquette. Written by Kirill Sokolov and Alex Litvak. Directed by Kirill Sokolov. Budget $20 million. Running time 94 minutes.

The start of a new franchise or a one-and-done, time and box office will tell. 

I'm finding this one hard to synopses, not because the plot is labyrinthian, but because I want to talk about it and the plot is almost secondary to the visual in this kinetic, frenzied, blood-soaked rampage pic of mayhem.

It's part of this horror genre, known as a 'Survival Thriller', which traditionally features a lone character, in modern times, usually a girl trapped in a house  hunted by an army of enemies which seemed have become a fan-favourite genre again thanks to 2009's Ready or Not, but which stretches right back to one of my favourite films, 1932's The Most Dangerous Game. Nowadays, the villains are usually satanic cults, which I suppose make these films supernatural, although in the memorable The Hunt (2020)  the enemy turned out to be super-rich liberals. ANYWAY, stop waffling, Leach what of this?

Well the story sees ex-convict Asia Reaves (Zarie Beetz) land a job as maid in The Virgil, a mysterious, exclusive high-rise apartment block in downtown New york. There she's greeted by Lilith Woodhouse (Patricia Arquette) the Irish superintendent and introduced to some of the inhabitants, a seemingly friendly woman called Sharon (Heather Graham) and a very friendly elderly couple. She meets the other maids, who all greet her cheerfully and then she's taken to her room, a lovely well appointed bedroom and off to bed she goes. Then in the middle of the night she's attacked by a group of hooded people who sneak into her room through a secret door with a view to killing her, and things go fucking apeshit when she fights back with an arsenal of weapons that she's smuggled in. You see, Asia isn't a simple maid, she's a ex-convict who's come looking for the little sister she's not seen in 10 years whom she knows is being held in The Virgil. However, it seems in The Virgil, you can't keep a bad man down, even when he's dead.  

This film takes the 10 minute plot rule literally and sure as shit, come that mark our Asia is ankle deep in blood and guts and she's off and running! Turns out The Virgil is controlled by Satan himself and the inhabitants are all immortal, but only if they pay the yearly blood debt to keep on living. From then on this is a mad paced, frenetic blood-soaked orgy of gore, violence and humour. We get cutaways to  the main characters each with their own title card and the back stories help set the scene. 

Image a film made by Quentin Tarantino and Sam Raimi, with its foot glued to the pedal, the camera work is fantastic, insane Raimi zooms and Tarantino sensibilities in the dialogue and attitudes, it starts out fantastically fast and funny. The humour feels very Raimi and a prolonged chase through and under the floors of the Virgil are hilarious, and gory beyond belief. 

If only this film could have kept the sheer energy of that opening attack it would be a stone cold classic 10/10, but alas it can't, and while it's insanely game, it all becomes a tad samey by the end. But boy, what an end, shame Ready or Not 2 covered similar material, but you know the old Hollywood rule. You wait decades for a devil worshipping cult of immortals who need a human sacrifice to continue living and two come along in the same week!

This wins thanks to a superbly game cast that includes Tom Felton, Paterson Joseph, Heather Graham, Patricia Arquette and the absolutely furious Zazie Beetz who totally rules as the 'final girl' heroine, boy can she kick, hack, slash and massacre like a bitch! There's also, some downright superb practical effects, seriously the final showdown with a pig headed demon is downright jaw dropping.  

This is a funny, gory and mercifully short, sad it's just a tad samey. 

7/10.

#30: READY OR NOT 2: HERE I COME

 

STARRING: Samara Weaving, Kathryn Newton, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Shawn Hatosy, David Cronenberg and Elijah Wood. Written by Guy Busick and R. Christopher Murphy. Directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett. Budget $10 million. Running time 108 minutes.

Maybe I'm getting old, but I get a thrill from reading that a film is only 108 minutes long. Not only that, but I booked my ticket for the 18:00 performance, so I should be done and dusted by 20:00, so already this film's off to a good start, infact it might even get an extra point. Time will tell. 

It might have taken 7 years to get this sequel to the 2019 movie, Ready or Not out, but the events, in this second part of a planned trilogy, take place scant seconds after that first film had finished. And I went in expecting a whole different plot this time round, I mean how could the same shit happen to the same girl twice?

Ooh, that's now. 

The plot sees Grace MacCaullay (Samara Weaving) kidnapped from a hospital by the Danforth family, having survived a deadly hide-and-seek game between her and the combined might of her husband and her in-laws in their sprawling family mansion as part of a black magic ritual. However, this being a sequel her nightmare isn't over, no it's just beginning, again, as she's dragged to another mansion and forced to play hide-and-seek again, with a whole new group of rival elite families, but this time with her estranged sister, Faith (Kathryn Newton) in tow, who's been kidnapped as an incentive. It turns out if Grace wins this game she'll claim the Seat of Ultimate Power. And this is why wedding gift lists are so important. And so begins a brutal and very bloody fight for survival. 

The first John Wick film was a true lighting in a bottle movie, it was a brilliant action film made with no follow on or sequel in mind. However when John Wick 2 rolled into view it came bogged down by back story, lore and rules. The same can be said of Ready or Not 2: Here I Come, which is forced to expand on the whole devil worshipping schtick of the first film and run with it. There's now a very complicated set of rules that dictate what the family can do and woe-betide anyone who breaks the rules.

Despite being billed as a horror/action/comedy, this plays it very straight at least for the first two acts, although by the third it really just lets rip with the violence and gore. Cos, this is a very gory and bloody film, the deaths are gruesome and the physical damage meted out to the two female leads is at times painful to watch. Samara Weaving is a game girl who luckily shares the same ability to shrug off near fatal injuries with a smile and a winch as John Wick did. The heart of this film arrives in the interplay between the two sisters and as their back story is revealed.

The elite family hunting them are just tropes and types, although there's an amusing bylaw that dictates that a member of each family must hunt the girls, leading to multiple members of each family having to take up the axe, shotgun, knife or sniper rifle when one of their number fall. 

It's moderately funny and only really comes to life in the final act. Overall it's a savage little flick with a passion for violent, gory deaths and the final confrontation elevated it from a 6/10. It may not be rocket science, or brain surgery, but it was bloody entertaining and rather funny. If you liked the first one, you'll probably love this one.  

7/10

#29: ARCO

 

VOCALLY STARRING: Roma Fay, Juliano Krue Valdi, Mark Ruffalo, Natalie Portman, WIll Ferrell, Andy Samberg, Flea, Roeg Sutherland, America Ferrera and Wyatt Danieluk. Written by Ug Bienvenu and Felix de Givry. Directed by Ugo Bienvenu. Produced by, among others, Natalie Portman. Music Araud Toulon. Budget 9.5 million Euros. Running time 89 minutes. 

This French science fiction animated film plays like a classic Hayao Miyazaki anime, and how wonderful to see a new animated film, drawn and not computer animated for a change, although not all of the hand drawn works, some of it is a tad clunky, and occasionally you can see when different studio takes over some of the shots. The colour palette of flat colour also feels fresh, it's been a while since I've seen that in a major release, and together this all helps to give the film a fresh and vital visual feel. Shame they had to resort to some AI assisted sound tricks though.

The story, set in the year 2932 sees the remnants of humanity living on platforms in a huge tree-like structures that rise up out of the flooded world into the clouds. It's a world of peace and beyond the flooded aspect rather idyllic. Living a life of tranquility, young 10 year-old Arco Dorell (Juliano Krue Valdi) yearns for adventure and coverts one of the rainbow flight suits his parents and sister wear. These suits, that leave a rainbow in their wake, allows the wearer to travel through time. You see, Arco's family are time travellers and use their rainbow flight suits to travel into the distant past to examine the dinosaurs and bring back samples of flora. Naturally their society dictates that no one under the age of 12 can use the suits, so obviously Arco being 10 is a massive dick, and so steals his sisters' suit and leaps off the platform to go and visit the dinosaurs. Naturally it goes wrong and little Arco crash lands in the year 2075, and into the life of fellow 10 year-old Iris (Romy Fay), an exceedingly bright but loney girl, and her baby brother, Peter who are both being looked after 24/7 by a robot nanny called Mikki (Mark Ruffalo and Natalie Portman), while their parents work away from home and only communicate via hologram. This is a world where robots seem to do all jobs, apart from the ones Iris's parents do. It's also a world being pummelled by nature through storms and wild fires. Each night huge glass dome cover the buildings and every day the robots repair the damage. One day while bunking off from school, Iris finds Arco unconscious in the woods and takes him home, unaware that she's being followed by three mysterious brothers, who all wear rainbow sunglasses and drive around in a van looking for rainbow travellers. Once home Iris and Arco start to bond and he explains what brought him to her. One day, Arco tries to fly away but can't, he's not strong enough and a vital crystal that powers the rainbow suit is missing. As a raging firestorm threatens Iris's town, she and Arco race off to the school, after her parents order Mikki to hand Arco over to the authorities. Chased by the three brothers, Mikki and the local police force Arco and Iris are chased through a truly apocalyptic forest fire inferno with tragic results and while the ending is never in doubt, the toll it exacts on Arco is truly heart wrenching. 

The story builds carefully, establishing the two worlds our lead characters inhabit, time is spent getting to know both Iris and Acro, which works exceedingly well to bond us to them. Iris's lonely home life with Mikki resonates strongly and grounds her, making her quick connection with Arco easily understandable. This is a film that kids over 8 will truly love, and although the third act becomes a tad too action-packed it's not to the detriment of the story. This film has a true heart at its core and beyond the comedic antics of the rainbow sunglass wearing three brothers, is played straight, something the likes of Pixar could takes notice of. Animated films don't have to have sassy, wacky kids as lead characters and comic book villains to be thwarted. The attention to detail in establishing Iris's world is brilliant and her world truly looks fresh and original. Using Miyaski as his benchmark is a shrewd move on behalf of Ugo Bienvenu and pays dividends for this, his directorial debut.

A satisfying and moving film, that would have been a solid 8 had it not been for the ending that is truly and deeply poignant. It's rare you see a child's film that eschews the usual pat lessons for one about the consequences of actions taken, and the cost of those actions. I admire this film for being brave enough to do what it does. This is well worth 89 minutes of your life, even more so if you have 8-year old or older children to watch this with, it's guaranteed to stimulate discussion and it's truly worth seeing. 

9/10

#28: PROJECT: HAIL MARY

STARRING: Ryan Gosling, James Ortiz, Sandra Hüller, Lionel Boyce, Ken Leung, Milana Vayntrub and Priya Kansara. Based on the book by Andy Weir. Screenplay by Drew Goddard. Directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. Budget $248 million. Running time 156 minutes.

Astronaut Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling) awakens from a medically induced coma on an interstellar flight to Tau Ceti, with no memory of why he's there and with the bodies of two dead crew mates as his only companions. Gradually, through flashbacks we find out just what the ruddy hell is going on and it's genuinely rocket science. It turns out that our sun and hundreds of others in our particularly arm of the galaxy are being eaten alive by something called Astrophage, a single cell organism. Well, all the suns except one, Tau Ceti. And so Ryland has been sent to find out why and maybe a cure before the Earth dies freezing. Trouble is, it's a suicide mission as Grace only has enough fuel for a one way trip. As his memory slowly returns and we discover more about his past, he arrives in orbit around Tau Ceti and discovers he's not alone in the universe. Waiting there is an alien spaceship from another part of the galaxy, whose sun is also being eaten alive and whose sole surviving inhabitant is also looking for a cure. The inhabitant is a strange, eyeless, six-legged, spider-like, rock creature who Rylan names 'Rocky' (James Ortiz) and together these two intrepid scientists search for salvation before the lights go out for both of their civilizations. Along the way bonding and becoming friends.

Based on the book by Andy Weir, who wrote the absolutely brilliant The Martian and adapted by Drew Goddard, who also adapted The Martian. It was a film I absolutely loved, one of Ridley Scott's best. And this shares a lot of the same DNA with that previous film, right down to the movie poster. 

It's also clear that Weir has tropes he likes to explore, as both his lead characters are marooned scientists using their wiles to survive and thrive, although this time round the stakes are global not personal. Both are 'hard' science fiction films eschewing space battles and killer transforming robots, but not aliens, which in this case is a good thing. Not since the exceptional 2016 movie, The Arrival has Hollywood presented us with an alien quite so, alien. 

Sadly for me, at least, the film starts off by slightly fumbling the ball by playing like a comedy with Gosling mugging, gurning and prat falling his way around the zero-G spaceship as he struggles with his amnesia and it somewhat undercuts the serious content. In the book Grace's amnesia was a fantastic way to get to know our lead character as glimpses of his forgotten life gradually restored his memory and built the plot. While here his memory loss is played mostly for laughs, not broad ones but still enough to put me slightly on edge. I suppose the trouble is I loved Grace in the book and the film seemed to be belittling him. I usually have no problems with adaptations of books into films, I know they are two separate mediums and as such I can't expect the film to be the book and wouldn't want it to be, but here the adaptations felt a less nuanced.

It's the introduction of Rocky, with his own tragic backstory, that elevates this film and gives it its heart as both beings develop a shared language and work together to defeat the Astrophaguel, or to find a cure. It's exciting, emotional and very entertaining. Gosling is easy on the eyes and can do this sort of role in his sleep. the puppetry of Ortiz and his crew pays dividends and I'm glad he wasn't just a CGI creation, having Gosling interacting with Rocky really nails the emotional connection. I'm so glad to see that this has gone down so well with the critics, scoring a 97% on Rotten Tomatoes and I hope it does equally well at the cinema, I think word of mouth should work and propel this, it deserves it. I love these sort of one-and-done science fiction films that won't have sequels or overstretched franchises and I hope Hollywood keep on making them. What with this, Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die and Steven Speigberg's lastest Disclosure Day (out in July) this year looks to be a good one for original science fiction films and I hope it lasts. Before I sum off, special mention needs to be made of not just the script or the skills of directors Lord and Miller, but also the music and sound track. The film expertly uses classic rock and pop songs to great effect that help to elevate the tension and drama, while the soundtrack by Daniel Pemberton is very satisfying too. 

Over all this was an entertaining, satisfying, exciting and enjoyable adventure that moved me and made me laugh, indeed there's one gag that made me laugh so much the audience laughed at my reaction. The gag was: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "I don't do comedy." "I don't do comedy who?".

I went with daughter and wife. Daughter loved it and gave it a 9, wife not so and gave it a 7. Me...

I'd give it a solid 8/10. 

#27: BUGONIA

 

STARRING: Emma Stone, Jess Plemonds, Aidan Dlbis, Stavros Halkias and Alicia Silverstone. Screenplay by Will Tracy. Directed by Yorgos Lanthimos. Budget $55 million. Running time 118 minutes.

Convinced his boss, Michelle Fuller (Emma Stone) the CEO of a major pharmaceutical company is actually an alien from Andromeda star system, conspiracy nut Teddy Gatz (Jess Plemons) and his autistic cousin Don (Aidan Delbis) kidnap her and keep her a prisoner in the basement of Teddy's rural and isolated house. To prevent her contacting anyone, Teddy shaves Michelle's head and covers her in body cream. Teddy wants Michelle to take him aboard her spaceship where he might be allowed to negotiate with the Emperor. All he has to do is keep her alive and his gradually fracturing sanity intact for three days when a lunar eclipse will allow communication with Andromedian spaceship which he believes is parked in orbit. And all she has to do is convince him she's not an alien with designs on ending all human life on Earth. Let the battle of wits begin.

A film hailed by critics and ignored by the public. This is a very slow moving movie, filled with lengthy monologues and unsettling music as the balance of power between Stone and Plemonds ebbs and flows, as secrets are exposed and hidden agendas revealed, but who is telling the truth? Is it Teddy, a flat-earther looney obsessed by conspiracy theories who has brow-beaten this cousin into his fanatical plan, or is it Michelle, the pent up, work-obsessed ball of nerves who governs her company like an emperor and lives alone in her hi-tech glass and steel palace isolated from everybody.

It's brilliantly acted and directed, it gets under your skin and niggles at the edge of your psyche. This builds to a conclusion which will either alienate or resonate and for me it was well worth it. Not so my long-suffering wife who disliked this greatly, although we did spend a good hour afterwards talking about it and any film that engenders discourse is alright in my book. 

It's at times extremely savage, surprisingly gory and brutal, it's also a very slow burn and will try your patience if you don't buy into its vibe. Yorgos Lanthimos and Emma Stone keep making films that confound. surprise, frustrate and delight and this is no exception. 

8/10

#26: THE BRIDE!

STARRING: Jessie Buckley, Christian Bale, Peter Sarsgaard, Annette Bening, Jake Gyllenhaal and Penelope Cruz. Written and directed by Maggie Gyllenhaal. $90 million. Running time 126 minutes.

I think the tagline of the poster perfectly sums up the film, 'Here Comes The Motherfucking Bride!'

This is raw, rage-infused, manic, furious, relentless and perfectly encapsulates the notion of the original 'Punk' movement to a T, or 'P' if you'd prefer.

The plot set in America in the 1930s sees Ida (Jessie Buckley), a good time girl possessed by the spirit of Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley during a drunken night out in a fancy restaurant. There she loudly spills the beans on the activities of a vicious crime boss, Lupino (Zlatko Buric) who promptly orders her execution, which her boyfriend Lupino's sidekick James (Matthew Maher) carries out by punching her down a staircase where she breaks her neck and dies. Meanwhile, 'The Monster' (Christian Bale) arrives in New York desperate for Dr. Cornelia Euphronious (Annette Bening) to help him create a bride to break his soul destroying loneliness. She reluctantly agrees and together they dig up the corpse of Ida, pump a mysterious gunk into her and then zap her with the electric output of the entire city. Ida awakens revived, still possessed by Mary but with no memory of her past life and together the two monsters runaway on a cross-country inadvertent murder spree pursued by Detective Jake Wiles (Peter Sarsgaard) and his assistant Myrna Malloy (Penelope Cruz). The two monsters fall in love and bond over Frank's love of the movies of Ronnie Reed (Jake Gyllenhaal), a Hollywood star and The Bride becomes a symbol of female rebellion, which in turns sparks a dance movement across the nation, as women, rise up to have their bloody revenge. The film builds to a bloody and violent ending which fits the material perfectly.

There is a lot to unpack here, it's not perfect, It shifts tonally and ricochets from black comedy to feminist treaty to thriller to crime drama back to black comedy in a blink of an eye. And through it all strides Jessie Buckley who roars and rules the screen, the way she channels the spirit of Shelley is breath-taking. But this isn't a one-woman show, Christian Bale as the monster aka Frank is equally intense and the two actors clearly seem to revel in their roles and chemistry. Similarly, Maggie Gyllenhaal as writer and director deserves special mention, her script, might be overwrought, overwritten and over-long, but it's also nevertheless insanely over the top and so packed with incident that it's like experiencing a drug-fuelled fever dream. She has created a unique take on the Frankenstein mythos and this film pays homage to many of the those past films including Young Frankenstein, The Bride of Frankenstein and the HAMMER Frankenstein franchise, while at the same time creating something new, this is a version of the monster that is profoundly ugly in looks, and poetic and romantic beneath the scarred and mutilated flesh.

A violent, brutal, savage, chaotic, furious film that also touching, and fugly romantic. This won't be everyone's cup-of-tea but it is insanely and fantastically unique. 

8/10

P.S.
I think this would make a wonderful double bill movie with Wuthering Heights.

#25: HOPPERS

 

VOCALLY STARRING: Piper Curda, Bobby Moynihan, Jon Hamm, Kathy Najimy and Dave Franco. Screenplay by Jesse Andrews, story by Daniel Chong and Jesse Andrews. Directed by Daniel Chong. Budget $150 million. Running time 105 minutes.

For 10 years, from 1995 until 2015 I watched every new Pixar film without fail, a total of 15 films, three of which made me cry, one which stunned me to its core thanks to its creativity, and one that remains on my top ten favourite films of all times. Sadly that legendary run faltered and I started to miss new Pixar releases, they just didn't resonate with me anymore, and it seemed to me that when once the Pixar mantra had been 'Story is King', it changed to 'Message is King', as each new film went out of its way to teach or preach at its young audience and I just didn't need to be preached at so I missed, and still haven't seen The good Dinosaur, Cars 3, Onward, Soul, Luca, Turning Red and Elio. indeed, Inside Out 2 was the last Pixar film I've seen at the cinema prior to this one, it was fun, but not necessary and sticked so closely to the classic Syd Mead three act structure that was it was just a generic sequel. Pixar didn't used to do those, but you know, Disney and their true mantra is 'Cash is the true King.' but that was it for me. 

Now, the announcement of a new Pixar film leaves me cold, or did until Hoppers. I was hooked by the trailer and the premise, it looked fun, fresh and fun and I was in!

And then I saw it.

Oh. Dear. What a disappointment, what a glorious-looking, visually stunning, and brilliantly animated film, but how generic, how average, how one note. There's a message, of course, and even that is about as fresh as three week old milk. The story sees Mabel Tanaka (Piper Curda), an animal-loving Japanese-American college student's mind transferred into the body of a robotic beaver. The robotic beaver gives the wearer the ability to talk to animals, so she promptly steals it and goes off into the wild to convince the beaver population to return to her dead grandmother's idyllic wildlife pond at the bottom of her house. Turns out the greedy mayor Jerry Generazzo (Jon Hamm) wants to use the site to complete his elevated ring-road around the city of Beaverton. Mabel discovers that each animal family has a king, and convinces King George, the beaver monarch (Bobby Moynihan) to unite the animal kingdom in an attempt to assassinate Jerry, using a great white shark, convinced his death will save the glade. Which in turn triggers Mabel to rethink her lifestyle choices and try to save the day. 

There's lots more going on, which I can't be arsed to try and synopsise, there's an evil villain, a human robot, a ridiculous car chase, a deeply frustrated human scientist trying to get her hands back on her animal robot, and a lot of stupid story rules that are shoehorned into proceedings only to be promptly ignored when the story demands.

I had thought, based on the trailer, that the robotic animal piloted by a human mind would be enough for a story, but sadly Pixar think that kids needs a wacky, outrageously stupid story to hang off the premise, so we get the whole environmental back story, the building of a ring road and all the rest.

It starts very well, the animation is a delight, there's a clever use of anime style to proceedings, and the Pixar look also works well here too, it looks great, the character design is fiesty and fun. Trouble is nowadays Pixar aren't the only show in town and with the likes of Blue Sky, Illumination Entertainment, Dreamworks, Sony Animation and a slew of others producing great looking and stylistic product, looking great just isn't enough anymore. This is the time when Story should be King.

Everything here is just so generic, the story so obvious, the plot beats seen a thousand times before. The conceit behind the story is so farcial, the human scientists watching Mabel in her Beaver robot interacting with animals, able to hear them talk and then witnessing the gathering of the animal kingdom royalty is ridiculous. Likewise the animals airlifting in a 3000lb Great White Shark to use as a smart bomb sounds hilarious but utterly shattered the created rules of this world. If you're going to create a science fiction story you have to have rules that work and you can't break them for the purposes of the plot. This doesn't so much jump the shark as drop it from a great height in an attempt to kill an innocent human. When the third act robot-walks into sight, and the true villian of the film is finally revealed the plot goes into overdrive and not only robs the film of all its borderline reality but ruins it completely with the introduction of a human robot suit that animals can use. 

There's a rule in comic publishing that you don't tell the reader on the cover that the comic is 'fun', 'funny', 'wacky' or 'crazy', a thing is either those things or it isn't and a reader will see through it and deem the object none of the above. The film wants everyone to think it's also all the above, but it's not. The idea behind is crazy, wacky, fun and a fantastic idea, but the film is anything but. The kids who sat watching this did so in stony silence and unmoved until the final act action bonanza specifically put there for the ankle biters to get excited. 

Also, call me old, but what the fuck happened to those glorious Pixar shorts that used to be screened before the film? 

Anyway, I've had enough, I've still got The Bride! to review, and a dog to walk, and it's only 8:00am.

This get a 6/10