#37: STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE: THE DIRECTOR'S EDITION

 

Starring William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, George Takei, Majel Barrett, Walter Koenig, Nichelle Nichols Majesty Khambatta. Written by Harold Livingston, directed by Robert Wise. Special effects shout outs to: Douglas Trumbull, John Dystra, Syd Mead and the thousands of others involved. Running time 132 minutes. Budget $44 million. Originally released in 1979.

Something big, I mean really big, I mean bigger than the biggest thing you could ever imagine, its power is off the frickin' chart, 12 something to the power of whatnot, or something, look science was never my thing. ANYWAY, it's heading towards Earth and so far it's destroyed three Klingon cruisers and a space station and we're next!

The trouble is, Star Fleet has only gone and sent ALL, and I do mean EVERY SINGLE other star ship it has to other galaxies, far far away (but not a long time ago) and none of those other intergalactic star ships with warp drive can get back in time. Luckily, sitting in dry dock far above the Earth, is, wait for it, the Enterprise! It's just about finished a very long refit and beyond a malfunctioning teleporter and an unbalanced warp core, is the only ship capable of reaching the big cloud before it reaches us. Que Admiral James T. Kirk jumping back into the captain's seat and setting off to put the band back together so they can stop this big baddy dead in its tracks!

And that's about it, plot wise, except for the very lengthy special effects shots that pad out the running time to well beyond the 2 hour mark. You can see why critics called it Star Trek: The Slow Motion picture.

Look, this isn't a very good film, it's ponderous, rather dull and far too serious for its own good. It forgets what Star Trek was about and tries to show that new upstart on the scene, Star Wars, that it's daddy!

It's a film that over time has mellowed, and there are things it does that are deeply poignant, the reveal of the new look Enterprise in space dock is the star, as too is Spock's re-emerging humanity, the majesty of the V'y'ger and the look of joy on the faces of the old cast at having a job again.

But the over reliance on special effects is still its undoing. There is simply not enough incident, it's populated with lots of people standing around looking at stuff happening. And as with the fact that the red coats were going to get it in the TV series, the fact that there are new faces onboard the Enterprise doesn't bode well for their survival. 

This came out after Star Wars and Alien, and both of those made it seem very old fashioned. It feels as if ST:TMP learned no lessons from the new boys, and seemed determined to stick to old ways, which is weird because the Star Trek TV show, wasn't old school, it was fresh and cutting edge, it was a trail blazer. This is old school. There was such an explosion of sf movies in the wake of Star Wars so it's obvious why Paramount wanted to bring back Star Trek back, but the world wasn't in the mood for a feature length Wagon Train in space, not where there's the likes of STAR WARS and ALIEN to be had! 

1979 was a bumper year for science fiction films, there's Black Hole, Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers, Shape of Things to Come, Star Crash, Humanoid (see told you bumper year!).

Anyway, seeing this again on the big screen after many, many decades was a delight, it does look good up on a big screen and I didn't mind the length, ooh er!

And seriously, that scene with dry dock as the new look Enterprise is revealed, with that spectacular music is worth the admission cost alone, the rest of it, Meh.

And least it be forgotten, if it wasn't for this we wouldn't have had that classic Star Trek film, Wrath of Khan. 

Still, at least Star Trek The Motion Picture wasn't the worst science fiction film of 1979, that honour lies with METEOR.

7/10

#36. NOPE

 

Starring Daniel Kaluuya, Keke Palmer, Steven Yeun, Michael Wincott, Brandon Perea, Wrenn Schmidt, Barbie Ferreira and Keith David. Written and directed by Jordan Peele. Budget $68 million. Running time 130 minutes.

When old-school horse wrangler and trainer, Otis Haywood Sr (David Keith) is killed by a quarter that falls from the sky, his grown up children OJ Haywood Jnr (Daniel Kaluuya) and Emerald (Keke Palmer) inherit the business. OJ, who watched his father die, is convinced that a UFO killed him and convinces his sister to help him capture footage of the craft so they can sell the evidence and become rich. Along the way they recruit the help of a tech support guy, Angel Torres (Brandon Perea), who installs the CCTV cameras around the farm, and also the help of a Hollywood cameraman called Antlers Holst (Michael Wincott) and his hand-cranked imax camera to get the footage. The rest is NOPE.

This is one of those films whose central conceit is so unique and delightful that it won't be long before the internet is abuzz with too many details and any hope you have of going in not knowing the outcome grows smaller by the hour, so if you want to go and see this go asap!

The film starts slowly, very slowly indeed and initially it tried my patience severely as it oh-so slowly established the relationship between the bereaved siblings, the daily workings of the horse farm, and the relationships they both have with a film studio and also with the owner of 'Jupiter's Claim' a nearby 'wild west' theme-park run by an ex-child star called Ricky Park, who as a child survived a horrific on screen, on-set massacre carried out by an enraged chimpanzee. And just when you think, enough already!, the film kicks into gear and becomes so exciting, intriguing and downright original that you forgive it for those first 40 odd minutes of slow build as you find yourself thumping your knees in anxiousness and squealing in alarm as the film unfurls itself and exposes you to all its fabulous glory! Seriously, this film plays great tricks with your expectations, and even jaded old me, only guessed the reveal seconds before the film gave up its secrets. 

Can't and don't want to go into any more plot or story than that, I loved this film and thoroughly enjoyed it, once it finally got going. It's not perfect, the sound mix leaves a lot to be desired, but the cast is so good and natural together and by the end you realise you no longer care about its shortcomings, cos it was just too damn entertaining. 

At times, funny, scary and downright exhilarating. It's one of the best films of the summer, if not year. 

9/10

#35: MINIONS THE RISE OF GRU

Obviously no mention of the vast army of artists who created this film, but instead a list of 'voice actors', which includes Steve Carell, Pierre Coffin, Taraji P. Henson, Michelle Yeoh, Russell Brand, Julie Andrews and Alan Arkin. Written by Matthew Fogel. Directed by Kyle Balda. Budget $80 million. Running time 88 minutes.

Fifth film to feature the Minions, and the third actual Minions film. I loved them in the first two Gru films, where I thought the three orphan girls really helped to give the film its heart. Obviously, this being an origin story of sorts, no girls, just a youthful Gru and an army of Minions. The plot, set in the 1970s, cos the musics so damn good, sees 11 year-old Gru want to join the Vicious 6 super villain gang, who are auditioning for a new member after booting out and seemingly killing their leader Wild Knuckles (Alan Arkin who wins this film an extra point, just by being here). To prove his worth, Gru steals a valuable magical item from their HQ, which has the power to transform people into giant magical animals. Rather than be impressed by the young Gru's Chutzpa and daring, the V6 spend the rest of the time trying to kill him. Obvs, Gru entrusts the Minions to help him, naturally they fuck up and then it's the usual trope-ticking, and a quick game of plot-bingo as we romp through various generic beats, mandated by law to feature in animated kids films, before the big action-packed ending (also mandated), where Gru wins the day and everybody is happy. 

Loved the trailer, loved the short before the Jurassic World: Dominopizza movie, didn't love this. Didn't hate it either, just a lot more middling than I was expecting and surprisingly low in the laughter department. Best bit, by a country mile is the sequence onboard the jumbo jet, heavily shown in the trailer. Also, oddly featuring some bizarre jokes referencing old films that only the kid's grandparents are going to get, like Midnight Cowboy, assuming they're not sleeping through this candy coloured madness that is. 

And talking of 'candy-coloured madness', I have to say that I love the look of the Minion's world and I love the animation, big thumbs up to the artists and visual creatives behind the scenes who really do deserve much more credit. 

This gets a 6/10, which is all for the art and animation.  

#34: BULLET TRAIN

 

Starring Brad Pitt, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Brian Tyree Henry, Joey King, Andrew Koji Hiroyuki Sanada, Michael Shannon, Benito A Martinez Ocasio and cameos from Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds and Channing Tatum. Written by Zak Olkewicz and directed by David Leitch. Running time 126 minutes, budget $90 million. 

By now chances are you've see the trailer and the bus adverts so you'll know what to expect. Brad Pitt is the almost terminally unlucky, underworld retriever, Ladybug returning to active duty after a period of self reflection and ordered by his handler (Sandra Bullock) to board the bullet train to Kyoto and retrieve a suitcase and get off at the next stop. 
Trouble is no matter what he does he just can't seem to get off the train! And what does the case have to do with any one of the following: A British duo of assassins called Lemon and Tangerine, the kidnapped son of a Yakuza boss called White Death, the son of a disgraced former Yakuza enforcer, and the enforcer, an insanely vengeful Mexican assassin by the name of The Wolf, a poison loving assassin called Hornet, an escaped deadly snake, and a British school girl? Don't worry all will be revealed in the next 126 confusing and time jumping minutes. 

Taking a page out of the playbooks of both Tarantino and Guy Richie, this film ricochets from flashback to flashback and the next lengthy batch of gag-filled exposition to the next taking no prisoners, in a building riot of ultra violence where no innocent bystanders die and only the super bad die, horribly.

Relentless, manic, at times incomprehensible and stupidly dumb. This is an exhilarating fun-packed ride, but it's also a ride that goes on far too long and is so over-baked in every aspect of its execution that it's in danger of disappearing up its own gun barrel.

Not a terrible film, but sadly not the delightful runaway I was promised in the excellently edited trailer. The action sequences are too numerous to mention and arrive like, hmm, trains. David Leitch who cut his teeth with the utterly superb John Wick knows how to stage action and does it well here, but the trouble is there's just too much back story and too much of everything to make it feel anything other than a gigantic gag that everyone save the audience is in on.

Like the woeful Fast and Livid films, this one has a loose understanding of physics and reality and that in itself gives the film the feel of a Warner Bros cartoon, which at times makes the ultra violence seem oddly out of place.

The cast, particularly Brad Pitt and Aaron Taylor-Johnson are excellent, Michael Shannon turns up for the third act showdown that leaves nothing standing and Brian Tyree Henry as the Thomas the Tank Engine loving 'Lemon' is a delight.

It's a shame therefore that I didn't enjoyed it more, it's been ages since I've been able to see anything new at the cinema and I have to say that after the first hour it all became a little flat and repetitive and by the end of it I just wanted to end. It could do with being shorter, by at least a good thirty minutes or so. 

Not the worst thing I've seen this year, maybe it'll be better on a second viewing.

6/10

#33: ROBOCOP (35TH ANNIVERSARY 4K RE-RELEASE)

Starring Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, Kurtwood Smith, Ronny Cox, Miguel Ferrer and Daniel O'Herlihy> Written by Edward Neumeier and Michael Miner. Directed by Paul Verhoeven. Budget $13.7 million. Running time 102 minutes. 

In the far flung future, Detroit's Police Dept has been privatised by Omni Consumer Products (OCP) as the first step in their plan of building a multi-billion dollar new city on the ruins of old Detroit. To police this new world, OCP Vice President Dick Jones wants to roll out his robot platforms ED 209, while Bob Morton (Miguel Ferrer), his rival and a low level OCP Executive, wants to unleash his own law enforcement machine, RoboCop. When an ED 209 malfunctions during a demonstration, Morton gets his wish. Now all he needs is a recently killed cop to transform into some sort of a robot cop. Luckily recently transferred Metro cop Murphy (Peter Weller) is on hand to hmm, lose both hands, and legs and most of his head and body to make Morton's dream come true.

After that it's time for one of the best science fiction films of the 1980s and, I'd say, of all times. Directed fantastically by Paul Verhoeven, this was the first of his seminal trilogy of science fiction films that defined him and a generation. 

It's a wonderfully violent, salient, funny, topical and downright brilliant film that even after 35 years has lost none of its power and utterly shits all over the appalling remake. Spawning not just two sequels, and a terrible TV series but also, believe it or not, a kid's animated show. This is the original and best of the bunch, a film that really hasn't been bettered. I would go even further and say it's one of those utterly rare films that is simply perfect, with a brilliant three act structure, a satisfying middle act and a pay off that doesn't disappoint. 

Plus it has a cast who all seem to revel in the opportunities it gifted them and all of them give career defining performances, perhaps none more so that Kurtwood Smith as one of the best screen villains in movie history, Clarence Boddicker, who brings real malice and menace to the role. 

Packed with memorable lines, like 'Can you fly, Bobby?', to 'Bitches leave.', 'Dick, I've very disappointed', to the classic 'Dead or alive you're coming with me' and 'You have 15 seconds to compile'. I found myself whispering all the dialogue along with the cast.

What makes this film so wonderful, apart from all of the above, is the outstanding practical special effects from Phil Tippet, who stop-animated the dinosaur-like ED 209 brilliantly and Rob Bottins, for his creation of RoboCop, which is a triumph. Similarly, the gore effects that Verhoeven correctly realised would be viewed as so over the top they were funny. And in a way that's the secret of Robocop's enduring appeal and success, it's packed with humour. It realises that for the dark social commentary to work it needs that vein of tar black comedy running through it.

And since I'm name-checking the special effects people, shout-out to Rocco Gioffre for his matte painted backgrounds, for example the tower of OCP both inside and out.

I simply cannot fault this film. In fact it's one of my top ten favourite films of all times. If you've not seen this in a while treat yourself and catch it on the big screen where ED 209's murder of the junior executive will have you howling in delight!

10/10? Put it this way, 'I'd buy that for a dollar!'