#16: RENFIELD

Starring Nicholas Hoult, Nicholas Cage, Ben Schwartz, Awkwafina, Adrian Martinez and Shohreh Aghdashloo. Written by Ryan Ridley from a story by Robert Kirkman. Directed by Chris McKay. Running time 93 minutes. Budget $65 million.

Sadly tanking in its opening weekend taking just 12 million dollars. This comedy horror sees poor old Renfield (Nicholas Hoult), Dracula's long suffering familiar decide after 90 years that it's time to break away from his abusive master and try and live a normal life and enroles in a 12-step self-help group in present day New Orleans, but fate and a local mafia family has other things in mind for the pair of them.

After the disasters of Universal's The Wolf Man (2010) andThe Mummy starring Tom Cruise back in 2017, Universal have been struggling to make their legendary back catalogue of classic movie monsters like Dracula, Frankenstein, the Invisible Man, the aforementioned Mummy, the Werewolf and the Creature From the Black Lagoon relevant. The Invisible Man in 2020 was a satisfying success and so after ditching the idea of the Dark Universe in favour of stand alone movies we have the latest  attempt to breathe life back into the Prince of Darkness himself!

Using the ever popular ingredient 'humour' as it's elixir Renfield wastes no time at all in declaring its intentions of being the funniest and goriest film you've ever seen. Starting with the showdown between Dracula and an unnamed Van Helsing, in a scene there to signpost a later plot point, we are thrown into the action as Cage unleashes his inner Bela Lugosi and cranks it up to 11. It's a savvy move, cos it's clear that he relishes the role, so it's sad that Cage's Dracula spends much time away from the action, depriving us of a chance to watch him and Nicholas Hoult, channeling a young Hugh Grant, do their thang together. Hoult, like Cage is good and effortlessly engages his comedy chops giving the film its romantic core as he develops a relationship with a traffic cop played by Awkwafina.

The film is funny, gory, and best of all doesn't outstay its welcome coming in at a delightfully brisk 93 minutes.

Personally I could have done without the whole mafia angle to the story, there to provide an action-packed third act showdown. I loved the whole self-help group sequences and kinda wished it had downplayed the action for a little more of that.

Funny, blood soaked and gruesome. This is a film that didn't deserve that brutal early death Stateside.

8/10

#14: THE POPE SEXORCIST

Starring Russell Crowe, Daniel Zovatto, Alex Essoe and Franco Nero. 

Written by Michael Petroni and Evan Spiliotopoulos. Directed by Julius Avery. Running time 103 minutes. 

Based on An Exorcist Tells His Story and An Exorcist: More Stories by Gabriele Amorth. This tell the 'true' story of Gabriele Amorth an actual Catholic priest who claimed to have performed over 160,000 exorcisms over his lifetime.

In this film, set in the 1980s, the first in an obviously hoped for new franchise starring everyone's favourite Australian actor who's not Hugh Jackson - Russell Crowe, Crowe plays the rugged real life exorcist, Gabriele Amorth. Crowe was picked because of his uncanny resemblance to the real life Amorth, seen here.

See, uncanny.

ANYWAY, he's the Pope's own personal Sexorcist and he's got a mandate from the big boss man to perform exorcisms whenever he wants, regardless what his Catholic bosses say about there not being a need for exorcisms anymore. 

When an attractive American MILF widow and her two children, one a mute boy who looks odd and the other her overly sexually precocious teenage daughter move into a disused nunnery in Spain you just know the shit's going to hit the fan, the daughters going to end up crawling upside-down from the ceiling like a spider and the boggle-eyed mute boy's going to end up possessed and guess what, he does and she does! But why and what's this got to do with Gabe and the nunnery and why is there a Papal seal on old nunnery's well?

Well get ready for a classic battle between actual good and evil as loveable old priest Gabe does battle with a demon while playing a game of The Exorcist: Movie Cliche Bingo! Yes, that's right! using that vastly superior and actually terrifying classic movie as its very own playbook, The Pope's SexExorocist wastes no time at all in plundering the 1973 Oscar nominated movie for all it's tropes and beats, obviously assuming that today's audiences won't be aware of a film as old as most modern cinema audiences goer's parents. 

Uncovering a conspiracy over 200 years old, Gabe discovers the nunnery is built on a site where God can't go and that it's just one of 200 similar sites around the world and in doing so, establishes the basis for the franchise that everyone involved with the making of the film is eager for the general public to take up so they can make more of these.

Russell Crowe could have sleep walked this role, and yet he's inoffensive in it, the film isn't scary, but it's entertaining and the action is satisfying. It's helped in no small part by the always excellent Franco Nero as Da Pope, who even when he's suffering the after-effects of a massive heart attack and lying in a hospital ICU bed still manages to fight off evil attack.

It's a hoot and a half and doesn't outstay its welcome, plus it's not big or clever and it's just over an hour and a half in length. There's worst things to see at the cinema than this, like Shazam, which I've not even seen!

6/10

 

#13: DUNGEONS & DRAGONS: HONOUR AMONG THIEVES

 

Starring Chris Pine, Michelle Rodriguez, Rege-jean Page, Justice Smith, Sophia Lillis and Hugh Grant. Written by Jonathan Goldstein, John Francis Daley and Michael Gilio. Directed by Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley. Budget $150 million. Running time 134 minutes.

You don't need to have played the game to enjoy this film. It's inoffensive, amusing and despite featuring a spinning sky vortex (its first film outside the DCU) has a satisfying action packed ending. Plus it's got a great turn by Hugh Grant and Chris Pine and the supporting cast, lead by Michelle Rodriguez are all entertaining.

Not much to say about this to be honest, it didn't fill me with loathing, I didn't feel my bile rising and whilst it was on I was entertained, so that's more than enough.  Plus the actual villain is rather good. Delightful not to sit through a superhero movie. The plot sees a band of adventures do battle with a baddy, have an encounter with a dragon and also enter a dungeon, so the title then.

And that's it, I'm afraid.

7/10