#30: ASTEROID CITY

 

Starring Jason Schwartzman, Scarlett Johansson, Tom Hanks, Jeffrey Wright, Tilda Swinton, Bryan Cranston, Edward Norton, Adrien Brody, Liev Schreiber, Hope Davis, Stephen Park, Rupert Friend, Maya Hawke, Steve Carell, Matt Dillon, Hong Chau, Willem Dafoe, Margot Robbie, Tony Revolori, Jake Ryan and Jeff Goldblum. Written and directed by Wes Anderson, from a story by Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola. 
Budget $25 million. Running time 105 minutes.

A group of people arrive at Asteroid City, built in the middle of the desert and with the population of 86. Some of them for the annual science fair, some, like war photographer Augie Steenbeck (Jason Schawartzman) and this three daughters and one son because their car has broken down, some like Midge Campbell (Scarlett Johnassan) a world weary actress, and some because they took too long during a coach stop toilet-break and missed the bus, together they all become embroiled in a government conspiracy to cover up a first contact meeting with an alien who steals the asteroid that Asteroid City is named after. Meanwhile, a TV program details the development of a stage play about the story that is about to unfold with the actors playing the characters they play in the real world. But what is real and what is not?

By god, if this isn't one of the best films I'll see this year then I'm in for some  unknown treats!

Whether you like this or not depends on what you think of Wes Anderson. Me, I think he is an actual genius and I have LOVED all of his films save one, and even the one I didn't love, I didn't hate, just wasn't my cup of tea. His second film, Rushmore made me an instant convert (I only caught up with his first Bottle Rocket years later). The Royal Tennenbaums made me cry it was so glorious and the rest I've loved, no other director so delights me with his vision or passion or ingenuity. Across a career spanning 27 years Anderson has directed 11 films, two of which The Fantastic Mr. Fox and Isle of Dogs were stop-motion animations, so his score card reads 10 for 11. Not bad at all! 

Known for his meticulous eye for detail and his very precise vision style and camera work, there's no mistaking an Anderson movie. This film though is perhaps his first out-and-out comedy, although it's not a comedy in the vein of the usual Hollywood type, this is a clever, witty, thought-provoking comedy with precise acting and nuanced lines of dialogue, it's a film that captivates and delights in equal measure and it's one of those rare films that I would have happily rewatched the moment it had ended. I cannot wait to see this again and again and it now ranks as one of my favourite Wes Anderson movies, alongside Rushmore, Life Aquatic, The Tennenbaums, Moonrise Kingdom, The Hotel Budapest, Isle of Dogs and Fantastic Mr. Fox.

The music, the look, the cinematography, the acting, the script everything about this film was an utter delight and I loved each and every second of it! 

Although most definitely not for everyone, I still believe that this is this years most delightful and unique film without a doubt. 10/10 

#29: NO HARD FEELINGS

 

Starring Jennifer Lawrence, Andrew Barth Feldman, Laura Benanti, Natalie Morales and Matthew Broderick. Written by Gene Stupnitsky and Joan Phillips. Directed by Gene Stupnitsky. Budget $45 million. Running time 103 minutes.

No Hard Feelings sees Maddie (Jennifer Lawrence) a 30 something Uber-driver without a car struggling to pay the property tax on her home or risk losing it. When she spots an advert on Craigslist for someone to 'date' their 19 year-old son in return for a car she jumps at the chance and so begins a typically cinematic romance that only exists in the movies. The boys parents, (Brodderick and Benanti) ask Maddie to 'DATE' their son's brains out and to bring him out of his shell prior to his starting his college life at Princeton. 

Maddie contrives to meet the young man, Percy (Andrew Barth Feldman) at the local animal shelter where he volunteers and so begins the unlikely love affair. Naturally, the much older, way-of-the-world Maddie goes for the jugular, while Percy, a deeply sensitive and lonely soul is totally overwhelmed by her brash approach and so begins their romantic adventure. 

From then on this film follows the structure and rules of the RomCom to the 'T', with the obligatory 2nd Act breakup and the 3rd act redemption. Jennifer shows off her comedic chops to good effect and Feldman brings the nerdy sensitive emotional beats and both characters teach the other about important aspects of life, cos both are carrying a lot of emotional baggage.

Sadly with most modern comedies, if you've seen the trailer you've seen all the funny bits, and whereas this is a mostly amusing film, it's not down right hilarious and you'll silently smile more than you'll roar with laughter. Sure there are some raunchy moments but this never truly lets rip. Except for one very fascinating scene which involves full frontal nudity and Jennifer Lawrence getting into a full-flown fist fight on the beach butt-naked. 

Along the way, Jennifer discovers how 'old' she is compared to Percy's contemporaries and gatecrashes a couple of parties, where she learns a few home truths about her way of life, while Percy learns the meaning of real friendship and of living a little.

It's not the funniest film ever made, it's good natured and while it's on, utterly inoffensive, and beyond that it has nothing more to offer and the jokes are fine.

6/10  

#27: ELEMENTAL

 

Written by John Hoberg, Kat Likkel and Brenda Hsueh, from a story by Peter Sohn, John Hoberg, Kat Likkel and Brenda Hsueh. Directed by Peter Sohn. Running time 109 minutes. Budget $200 million.

The film follows the lives of fire elements Bernie and Cinder Lumen as they immigrate from their own country to set up home in Element City, where they find themselves the victims of some very mild forms of ethnic intolerance, mainly due to the fact they're made of fire and tend to burn things, or when angry explode violently. Anyway they have a daughter Amber, whom Bernie grooms to take over the family business, but the trouble is her temper keeps getting the better of her. Anyway, one day a water elemental, Wade splashes down into her life and so begins a gentle sweet romance with mild elements of jeopardy lightly thrown in their way, until everything is kindly resolved with some heart-to-heart dialogue.

Gone are the days where we waited with enthusiasm and baited breathe for the new Pixar movie, those wonderful pioneers of digital animated films whose mantra used to be Story is King. We'd get one every two or so years, and the wait was always worth it. Now they turn up with the regularity of buses and since they're no longer the only player in two we get two or three other animated films almost at the same time all vying for our attention.

Since my kids have become young adults I no longer need to go and see the latest animated film and I'm much relieved, if this is anything to go by. 

Back in the good old days before the all-consuming entertainment behemoth DISNEY swallowed them whole, Pixar films delivered nine truly extraordinary films in a 15 year period, films like The Incredibles, Wall-E, Up, Ratatouille, Monsters Inc and of course Toy Story. Each had brilliantly simple concepts and the story pushed the narrative. Nowadays it seems animated films are only concerned is conveying a message, of teaching our children a valuable life lesson, and no matter how good, or wholesome these messages of understanding, peace and harmony are, they don't half suck the fun out of animated movies.

In the good ole days, the conceit of an animated film could be summed up with a single sentence, not so today's fantastically complicated fare, each arrive with  elaborate background stories that need to be established and explained to make these CGI worlds work. This is ever so true in Elemental, which despite trying to explain its rules, never really fills in all the blanks and you find yourself wondering why things work they way they do in this strange world, especially since most of the rules appear to be in place just to propel the plot along. It doesn't feel organic.

Elemental is a beautiful looking film, indeed so beautiful that at times it's hard to actually work out what you're looking at. The animation is lovely the lighting, textures and all the technical gubbins are perfection. It's just that it's so concerned with being all things to all people and being all inclusive that it's just lost its spark, there is no protagonist in this film, unless you count Amber, who has to control her destructive nature and the film is so generic in terms of it's structure and moralising that the outcome is never in doubt nor the route the film will take to get there. 

It's sweet, charming, sometimes fun, sometimes exciting but ultimately just oh so very samey, safe, and utterly unthreatening. No Pinocchio or Snow White here thank you! 

Nothing to scare the kids, nothing for the grownups to laugh at. Just a safe sensible message about being nice to each other and considering everyone's point of view. 

So nothing to hate about it, and sadly nothing to really love about it either.

The Up short that accompanied this was a delight, and gains this film an extra 2 points. 

7/10

#28: THE WICKER MAN

 

STARRING:Edward Woodwood, Christopher Lee, Britt Ekland, Ingrid Pitt and Diane Cilento. Written by Anthony Shaffer. Directed by Robin Hardy. Running time 1hr and 34 minutes. Budget £500,000. 

Made in 1973, this year marks the 50th anniversary of this legendary film. I first became aware of it because of a picture in my Octopus Book of Horror showing Edward Woodwood lying in his bed starring at the sight of a hand shaped candle burning on a bedside cabinet. It would be many years before I watched it on TV. And when I finally did, I was captivated.  However this week, on the summer solstice no less I was finally able to watch it on the big screen and what a powerful experience it turned out to be! As always seeing films as they were intended on the big screen is a transformative experience and deeply enhances the enjoyment. 

A film, much lauded and much copied which still manages to be as shocking and gripping as when it was first released and has lost none of its power to surprise and shock. It sees deeply devout christian police Sergeant Neil Howie (Edward Woodwood) arrive on the remote Scottish island of Summerisle to investigate the disappearance and possible murder of a young school girl called Rowan, what he discovers is a pagan community preparing to celebrate their major May Day festival. Howie finds his faith and beliefs challenged as he gets drawn into a sinister conspiracy that ends with one of the most famous climaxes in movie history. 

It's an incredible horror film, that except for one scene takes place in broad daylight and it has a surprisingly low body count and yet remains immensely unsettling nevertheless, especially as the ending crawls into view and you begin to realise just what is going on! 

The main cast lead by Woodwood and Lee are excellent and the addition of Ekland and Pitt brings a sensual essence to the film. They are all abled assisted by the use of real people from the island where the film was shot as secondary characters, giving the film an almost documentary feel.

If you've never seen this film, you must it really is a fascinating and chilling delight, the music, a mix of folk and some rock is perfect for the film and it's filled with some extraordinary moments, some of which are deeply unsettling.

A wonderful film, of the type 'they don't make any more'. This new version is a delight and well worth a view.

10/10

#26: THE FLASH (UPDATED)

 

Starring Ezra Miller, Sasha Calle, Michael Keaton, and some others. Written by Christina Hodson from a story by John Francis Daley, Jonathan Goldstein and Joby Harold. Directed by Andy Muschietti. Budget $220 million. Running time 144 minutes.

I deliberately missed the last DC movie - Shazam: The Furry Gods, deciding I just couldn't be arsed especially after the woeful Black Adam. But The Flash was a different kettle of fish. When that trailer burst onto the scene highlighting Michael Keaton's Batman I was bloody mad for it! How could I not be, At least 50% of Keaton's Batman movies were great! While the other 50 was okay. 

So like the eager beaver I am I raced off to the cinema, like a flash so to speak to catch it!

The plot sees Bazza (Barry Allen) a nerdy, geeky, dweeby, tech kid and speedster discover that he can travel back in time if he runs really really fast. This is good because he decides that he can now travel back in time and save his mother from getting killed and thus save his father who was jailed for her murder. 

Unfortunately in doing so, Barry encounters a black clad demon-looking speedster who boots Allen out of the time sphere and dumps him into the world where Barry meets his mum and dad and encounters his younger self, who's yet to become the Flash, and promptly loses his own super speed. But just then, General Zod turns up demanding Superman, and the two Barrys head off to put the Justice League together. Trouble is in changing the past, Barry has also damaged the whole time line, indeed a spagetti plate's worth of time lines as Michael Keaton's Batman tells him and so it's up to the two Barrys, an elderly Batman and Superman's cousin to thwart Zod and get everything back to normal or the entire universe will explode, probably. 

It's a sort of Back to the Future meets the entire DCU. As the movie pitch went.

From then on the film builds to the obligatory massive CGI slug fest with the two Allens battling the sinister black clad speedster and our hero discovers that somethings can't be changed. 

it's an overly convoluted film that you just have to resign yourself to letting it wash over you. It's carried entirely on the shoulders of Ezra Miller who turns in two extremely fun performances as the Allen boys, who in turn is helped by the effortlessly cool and charismatic Michael Keaton. And then is promptly let down by some of the worst CGi I've seen in a long time. The opening sequence that sees The Flash racing to Metropolis to help Batman (Ben Affleck) battle a gang of crimbos and save a collapsing hospital is so tonally off kilter and badly animated that it robs the film of any reality. During the collapsing hospital, an entire ward of babies is dumped into the sky to fall to their deaths unless The Flash can save them, inbetween mouthfuls of sugary snacks. None of the babies look remotely real and you don't so much end up in the uncanny valley as race right through it on the way to the Uncanny Universe. Each baby is shiny, plastic and so obviously fake that it's truly jarring. 

Which is a shame. Because when it's just the two Barry's bickering or coming to terms with their powers this film is a hoot, even more so when Micheal Keaton turns up, because he just steals the whole show. The much trumpeted return of General Zod (Michael Shannon) is just a wasted opportunity that leaves far more questions than answers and a huge gapping plot black hole flapping in the wind that's never answered. But this film hasn't got time for answers, no sirre! It's too busy in trying to be clever, and silly and down right relentless, 'gotta keep running' it screams! No time to stop! No time to put your hand up and ask any questions. This plot doesn't have time for that sort of nonsense. It's too busy, like its titular character cramming sugary snacks into its face the whole time.

Anyway, the whole thing comes undone in the final act, and then the status quo is sort of returned and the films comes to a screaming halt, apart that is for the obligatory mid credit epilogue that shoehorns in another member of the Justice League.

Despite being better than the last three Marvel films (not that hard to do) and ditching the grimness of the Zac Synder legacy this still feels like the DCU is trying to find a tone it's comfortable with.

And that's it. A film that's certainly fun, very fast and manic, although why it had to be a 144 minutes to beyond me. You won't remember it much after it's over and I doubt I'll ever find it in my heart to rewatch it again, but I didn't hate it and it was rather entertaining.

7/10

UPDATED

I went back to rewatch this on, what turned out to be, its last weekend of theatrical release and I'm glad I did. In an almost empty cinema and at a respectable 10.30 am I sat centre centre and with my expectations now a distant memory was able to enjoy the film for what it was.

A terrifically entertaining and clever superhero movie that easily knocked the spots and socks off the all of the rest of this year's glut of MCU and DCU movies. Micheal Keaton still steals the show, but Ezra Miller's double-handed performance is the key to the success of this film. I still have deep resevations about the woeful CGI, it's so artificial and wonky and so deeply rooted in the uncanny valley that it proves constantly jarring. But I loved the story and the showdown, despite being a CGI glut, was satisfying and dramatic. And I realised that this will probably be the only superhero movie of this year I bother to own on Blu Ray. 

8/10

#25: TRANSFORMERS: RISE OF BREASTS

 

Starring Antony Ramos and Dominique. Voice talents of Peter Cullen, Ron Perlman, Peter Dinklage, Michelle Yeoh, Pete Davidson and Colman Domingo. Written (?) by Joby Harold, Darnell Joby, Josh Peters, Erich Hoeber and Jon Hoeber. From a 'story' by Toby Harold. Directed (?) by Steven Caple Jr. Budget $200 million. Running time 127 minutes.

Welcome to the 7th in this seemingly never-ending franchise of shit. Set in the 1990s, Hollywood's new 1970s for Generation Alpha, which means the music, when it's not a homogenised dirge used to help the audience understand what emotion they should be feeling, is a mix of hip hop and rap, and it's frankly the best thing in this staggeringly piss poor shower of a shit of a movie. Indeed this film is so  crushingly tedious, blindingly banal, and bewilderingly dull that I couldn't actually be arsed to see it thru to the end and sit through the mid credit stinger and left before the final scene had even finished playing out.

The 'plot', ha! Plot, that's a laugh, sees a couple of humans, don't remember their names, don't care, somehow find themselves mixed up with a bunch of robots in disguise who are trying to find an ancient key that will lead them back to their homeworld of Transformia- or something, while a big planet sized Transformer called Unicorn wants the key to lead him to Earth so he can eat it. He's sent a bunch of robots called Terrorcunts to hunt down a bunch of robots who take the form of animals or Beasts as they're called who are led by a big gorilla called Gorrillabot, I think. 

Hmm, then there's a chase and some action and then the third act arrives and a big CGi battle takes place, before Big Lorry Transformer smashes the key thus saving Earth, but preventing them from returning to their home planet. Oh, sorry, spoiler.

This is a bad film, boring, bland, dreary, dull and genuinely pointless. The script deserves special mention, it doesn't feature a single new sentence or thought in it's empty head and consists of just soundbites and tropes you've heard a million times before, the whole thing is just a mixtape of soundbites and rehashed ideas from other movies. The music is boring too and just jogs along filling any silence with a low-level hum of banality. 

The effects too are just average, after seven of these pointless exercises in futility it's clear that there's nothing new they can bring to the table when it comes to showing us big robots in disguise. Indeed, it's also very clear that every single person involved with the creation of this film, from the lowest runner to the director and producers themselves couldn't give a single shit about this film and its audience and I would argue have nothing but naked contempt for their audience, who they're openly mocking with this travesty of a film.

There are no real characters just character types who don't have back stories just key events that they reference to convince you they have personalities. The hero who's an ex-marine just trying to make it in the real world to help his young brother who's sick while their mother works double shifts just to put food on the table. The female co-star is a wise-talking sassy museum historian who's also an intern but knows more than her white privileged boss. And that's it for the humans. The robots are a bunch of fucktards who are all thicker than custard and once again just types. 

The action is bloodless, pointless and oh so painfully boring. The trailer would have you believe that the new Tranies in this film, the Breasts lead by a big monkey and an eagle are going to be amazing, but they too are just a set of soundbites and memes offering nothing of any merit.

Overall this is a film without a single redeeming feature or exciting moment. It is without doubt one of the shittiest films I'll see all year and I cannot urge you not to see it any more than that. 

And if by some sickening turn of events you somehow enjoy this piece of cinematic excrement do yourself a favour and me too, by not telling me. I don't care. And besides you're wrong. It's shit and there's nothing good about it.

A puerile worthless piece of shit, which somehow manages to be boring as well deeply shit and worthless.

I sat through this so you don't have to. You're welcome. Don't dishonour my service by going to see how bad this really is, you'll be deeply disappointed, because this isn't Fast X sort of shit which becomes funny cos it's so shit, this is just shit with a capital S.H.I.T.   

 2/10    

#24: SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE

 

Starring - I wish I list all the incredible artistic talents behind this film, those people who brought this amazing film to life, however I can't but i can list the 'vocal talents' who apparently are far more important. So, here's some of them. Hailee Steinfeld, Shameik Moore, Brian Tyree Henry, Luna Lauren Velez, Jake Johnson, Jason Schwartzman, loads others. Written by Phil Lord, Christopher Miller and David Callaham. Directed by Joaquim Dos Santos, Kemp Powers and Justin K. Thompson. Budget $100 million. Running time 140 minutes.

The plot sees the concept of the 'multiverse' take the top spot as the Number One super-hero movie trope, usurping and superseding the previous Number One king - 'The Spinning Sky Vortex of Doom'!

In this, the multiverse, or Spider-verse if you will, sees both Miles Morales and Gwen Stacey's versions of Spider-Man team up with Spider Man 2099 and some other Spider Persons to do battle with a villain called Spot, who just so happens to be one of the victims of the original films exploding collider that conveniently opened up access to all the limitless universes that exist, or in this case to the Spider-verse. Anyway, while Miles and Gwen struggle to juggle with their ordinary lives with the demands of saving their worlds and the rest of the Spider-verse from danger and utter obliteration, their new villain The Spot struggles to control his power, while seeking an apology from Miles for helping to create him. Add to that a secret society of Spider-Men hell bent on saving their versions of Earth and the discovery of 'Canon' within their worlds just adds to the whole incredible mass of the movie.

Across the next 140 minutes of relentless exposition, and frantic visual mayhem you'll find yourself battered and pummelled by a spectacular dazzling cacophony of such wonderful digital delights that you'll frankly not car one jot about the bewildering and ridiculous plot and story, plus you'll not have time to ask 'hang on...' at dangling plot niggles and issues, or the sheer overwhelming sense of fuck me, why can't all super hero movies spend this much time and effort on their stories? Similarly you'll marvel at the fact that unlike its live-action cousins, in this film the action, which is copious, never becomes muddled or ruined by shaky cam, the incredible super-hero abilities look and feel real in this world, you never find yourself pulled out of the story because you can tell when the CGI kicks in.

This isn't a perfect film, it's too long, it's not self contained and ends with a deeply annoying 'TO BE CONTINUED' caption at the end, which really pissed me off. Give me a complete film, one with an actual ending, don't do an Empire Strikes Back, it's annoying. 

That said, this was a glorious and incredible movie. 

8/10