#40: JURASSIC WORLD: REBIRTH

STARRING: Scarlett Johansson, Mahershala Ali, Jonathan Bailey, Rupert Friend, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Ed Skrein, Written by David Koepp. Directed by Gareth Edwards. Budget $180 million dollars. Running time 133 minutes. 

First off the good news! Back in 2022 the last film in this series, the truly awful Jurassic World: Dildo-Minion landed the top spot on my list of the worst films of the year. I mean it was appalling. This one won't end up on this year's list. There endth the good news.

This is the seventh film in the never-ending pantheon of films based on or inspired by the originator Jurassic Part back in 1933. It's been three years since the last World effort and this one is a bit different because it's written by David Koepp who wrote the original first two films and who isn't half bad as a writer, and directed by Gareth Edwards who did the stonkingly good Godzilla (2014), Star Wars: Rogue One (2016) and the visually strinking Creator (2023). It also ditches the idiotic story line about the clone child, the dubious acting talents of Chris Twatt, and those sodding annoying raptors.

To understand the dynamics of this film, I've decided to replace the names of the characters with their job descriptions. So, for example Scarlett Johansson becomes Covert Operations Expert, Jonathan Bailey becomes Paleontologist, Rupert Friend is Corporate Big Shot, Mahershala Ali is Team Leader. Then there's  Ship-wrecked Dad, Ship-wrecked Dad's Youngest Daughter, Ship-wrecked Dad's Eldest Daughter, Ship-wrecked Dad's Eldest Daughter's Boyfriend, as well as, Cannon Fodder One, Cannon Fodder Two and Cannon Fodder Three. To make things simple I've initialised each job description to help with reading the synopsis. CCE, P, CBS, TL, SWF, SWFYD, SWFED, SWFEDB, CF#1, CF#2. and of course, CG#3 See, much easier. 

And now to the film itself.

The plot, since there is no story, sees the following happen. Back in the recent past (five years) a stupid scientist in a full-body hazmat suit but with an open visor helmet is eating a Snickers bar in a top secret research laboratory on yet another one of those sodding islands. Chocolate plays an important part in this film and without the Snickers bar in this one, there simply wouldn't be a film. Seriously.

Anyway, before you know it there's another dinosaur outbreak. I kid not. The events of this entire film happen because an idiot eats a Snickers bar. Seriously.

However in the present, Palaeontologist (P) is sad because no one loves dinosaurs anymore and the Natural History Museum is being closed down (assumably because everyone watched the last three movies). Luckily, Corporate Big Shot (CBS) convinces Covert Operations Expert (COE) to take him and P to the dinosaur island for lots and lots of money. So, SOE, CBS and P meet up with Team Leader (TM) on his super-fast, state of the art, ship and set off to hunt down three dinosaurs and take samples of their blood to make a vaccine to save people. Meanwhile in another part of the ocean on a wholly inadequate yacht a non-nuclear family comprising soon-to-be Shipwreck Dad, his young daughter, his elder daughter, and his eldest daughter's dead-beat boyfriend are shipwrecked by one of the dinosaurs that other guys are hunting and end up being rescued and then going along for the ride. However it isn't long before everybody is shipwrecked again, and we lose CF#1 and CF#2 in quick fashion. Obviously, because CBS is working for a big pharmaceutical company, he's just another Carter J. Burke, so naturally he's up to no good. The family of ship wrecked job descriptions are separated from the other bunch, but luckily all on the same island and so both sets of job descriptions set off to rendezvous at an abandoned village on the other side of the island, where COE has conveniently arranged for a helicopter to pick them up, but only if they can get there in time, the helicopter will only wait two-minutes before pissing off. Christ, even Uber drivers wait longer than that. 

Anyway, lots of stuff happens, there's action, drama, excitement and stupidity beyond the dreams of adverse. There are moments between the action when some of the job descriptions give you back story to make you feel for them, but you don't. Other jobs do things that hasten their own demise because that's their role, and yet another job surprises everybody by not being the way you were expecting from his job description.

AND YET. It was rather fun. If you can ignore the following. The awful plotting, the terrible product placements, seriously Doritos, Sneakers, M&Ms, and a whole litany of sweets and snacks. There's an entire functioning petrol station at the abandoned village on the dinosaur island that is still fully functioning and it's packed full of sugary delight even after 5 years of inactivity.. There's even a smaller dinosaur that SWDYD gets addicted to candy. 

The dinosaurs look great. Well, three of them do, the T-Rex, in the best scene in the film, seriously good, very edge-of-your-seat good, then there's the TerryandJunesarus and its cliff lair, which is pretty good too and then of course there's the bit where we get to see Jaws but with dinosaurs, and that's really good! In fact, come to think of it, all the bits with the dinosaurs were good. It's just all the bits with the thick as shit humans doing stupid things that begins to grate. You're on the side of the dinosaurs, wishing them on, "Please", you silently plead, cos you're in a cinema and it's not polite to talk, "kill them all, kill that little fucker who keeps feeding that poor dinosaur all that candy. Then kill that wanker with the stupid beard cos he's a shit boyfriend. And please, please kill the bloke with the briefcase cos he's seriously stoopid." And then the whole film suffers an Alien Romulus incident and all that good will is literally pissed up the sodding wall when a goddam gigantic made-up dinosaur hybrid Alien monster/creature roars into view for the final climatic showdown.

And it's thankfully over.

Like I said, there were great bits, and lots of fun to be had, but by the same token there was a lot of stupidity and shit too. Still I didn't loathe with the same bile and hate as the last two of these shit shows, so you know. Winner, winner, almost chicken dinner.

7/10 

#41: F1: The Movie

STARRING: BRAD PITT, Damson Idris, Kerry Condon, Tobias Menzies and Javier Bardem. Written by Ehren Kruger. Directed by Joseph Kosinski. Budget $300 million. Running time 156 minutes.

Grand Prix, Le Mans, Days of Thunder and The Love Bug, just some of the legendary films that have been made about motor racing. To that pantheon comes this, the latest, and most expensive, FI: The Movie. Starring not one, but two of the most charismatic hunks of beef on the silver screen, Brad Pitt and Javier Bardem who bring so much male sex appeal to this that it renders the need for a critical analysis of this picture practically pointless. 

The utterly improbable plot sees 61 year old 'nomadic racer-for-hire and former Formula One Driver'* Sonny Hayes (Brad Pitt) recruited by his old best mate, Ruben Cervantes (Javier Bardem) the team owner of APXGP to help him win just one race in the last nine races of the F1 season, to save APEX from being sold off. 

And that's it. Obviously there's a young hot-headed rookie racer, Joshua Pearce (Damson Idris) who's also racing for Apex so the two drivers can crash heads (and cars) and the old timer can teach the youngling in a sort of Karate Kid kinda way how to race real good. Then there's the moustache-twiddling baddie, fellow APX corporate board member Peter Banning (Tobias Menzies) who wants the team to fail so he can sell them off and make money. The love interest comes in the guise of technical director and car designer Kate McKenna (Kerry Condon) whose revolutionary new (SPOILER ALERT) spoiler winds the day (Geddit?).

Naturally, all the secondary characters all initially dislike Sonny, cos he's a rebel but come to respect him in the end. And talking of ends, this one literally comes down to the final race of the season and the literal final PITT stop!

Thank holy fuck for the charisma of both Bardem and Pitt is all I can say. Both men ooze such rugged male gorgeousness and charm that they double-handedly save this from being a total car crash of a movie. Brad gives a masterclass in acting and I found myself watching his face in extreme close up even in a two shot, just watching the man at work. By god he's good, he delivers lines with relaxed calm and even makes funny lines plausible. He dominates the screen and owns it to the utter detriment of everyone else, except Bardem. BTW, in case you weren't aware, Pitt is one of my passes. 

ANYWAY, what of the film I hear you groan. Well, the action is good, the races are teeth-clenching, it's directed by the bloke what did 2022's Top Gun: Maverick, although this one is far less intense than that. The trouble with F1 races is that the merest touch between cars and the race is over, and so too in the film, just when you're engaged and engrossed in a race two cars touch and it's over and it's back to the pit lane and off-track shenanigans, bickering, romance and bro-mance. This is a film with no skin in the game, the ending is never in doubt. It is, come to think of it, the equivalent of the great 1954 bio pic The Glenn Miller Story, but without the trumpets and clarinets, it presents only the good stuff and no whiff of bad behaviour or drama, apart from some youthful cockiness, and mild villiany. It's a film that is intense but never truly exciting, action-packed but also very much by the gears. 

And once it's over, you'll park it away and forget where you left it in the multi-story carpark of your memory.

7/10

*Thank you Wikipedia.

39: 28 YEARS LATER

STARRING: Jodie Comer, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Jack O'Connell, Alfie Williams and Ralph Fiennes. Written by Alex Garland. Directed by Danny Boyle. Music by Young Fathers. Budget $60 million. Running time 115 minutes.

It's been 28 years since the initial Rage Virus outbreak ravaged the land and plunged the world into an apocalypse of running zombies. The entire UK is now a quarantined zone, heavily patrolled and guarded by the naval fleets of NATO, no one can ever leave. On a small island connected to the mainland by a causeway that is only accessible at low tide lives a community of survivors who have seemingly reverted to the 1950s. They guard their walled community religiously and survive frugally sending out official scavengers to the mainland in search of resources when theirs run low. Jamie (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) is the lead scavenger and he takes his 12 year-old son, Spike (Alfie) on his first trip to the mainland leaving behind his seriously ill mother, Isla (Jodie Comer) behind. While on the mainland they encounter terrible threats and sheer menace when they're targeted by an Alpha - a super-charged Rage infected leader of a group of zombies and are chased back to the island.

It's only then does Spike discover that back on the mainland there was an actual doctor who he believes could cure his rapidly ailing mother. So, he does the only thing a character in a film like this can do. He breaks out of the island compound and drags his mother back to the mainland on a quest to find the Dr. Kelson (Ralph Fiennes) who's been living on the mainland since the outbreak. The good doctor has spent his time wisely building a huge monument to the dead in the guise of bone forest and keeping a furnace burning 24/7 with the bodies of the dead he harvests. Spike and Isla's journey brings them in contact with another Alpha, Samson (Chi Lewis-Parry) and Erik Sundqvist (Edvin Ryding) the sole survivor of a Swedish NATO mission to the mainland. Together the three of them begin a deadly voyage to the death forest of Dr. Kelson. But things take a dramatic and surprising turn when the three travellers become four with the introduction a new-born baby.

I'm sure that'll end happily. 

Added to that is a mysterious message written on walls and carved into the bellies of the dead that reads: "JIMMY IS COMING".  Although who or what Jimmy isn't revealed until the staggering final scene...

By god this is a powerful film, truly tense and desperate, it doesn't let up for one minute and the often visceral gore and brutal violence splatter almost every scene with no mercy.  Danny Boyle directs with absolute power and the script by Alex Garland is superb. 

I had a major problem with the plot once little plucky Alfie Williams as Spike kidnaps his mom and takes her back to the mainland in search of the doctor, it seemed like one of those deeply annoying plot contrivances that only ever happens in the movies and yet as the plot progressed it stopped being a problem and became the film's emotional core, the relationship between Spike and Isla was beautifully handled and Comer proves yet again what an exclamatory actress she is. Added to that, the totally genre defying introduction of Dr. Ian Kelson, who brings a much needed and very poignant counterbalance to the whole film, offering a sense of peace and tranquility to the terrible gore and threat of death.

The whole film is intercut with scenes from Sir Lawrence Olivier Richard III and oft-repeated voiceovers of the 1915 recording of Rudyard Kipling's poem Boots, coupled with glimpses of into the every day lives of the Rage infected in the wild.

By no means is this an easy film, it's filled with nihilism, it's fantastically bleak and deeply savage, and yet it's also deeply engaging and at times moving. And to cap it all there's that ending where the riddle of the Jimmies is answered and by god you'll either, like me, laugh yourself hoarse at its sheer audaciousness, or gasp in outrage and disgust at its bravado. 

I had no idea going into this film that there was a sequel coming in January and I can't wait. 

Quite simply one of the most unique and powerful films of the year. 

10/10

#38: FROM THE WORLD OF JOHN WICK: BALLERINA

STARRING: Ana de Armas, Anjelica Huston, Gabriel Byrne, Lance Reddick, Ian McShane and Keanu Reeves. Written by Shay Hatten, directed by Len Wiseman. Budget $90 million. Running time 125 minutes.

The fifth film in the John Wick universe. Apparently the events of this film take place between the 3rd and 4th Wick movies. As if that matters.

This time round we have Eve Macarro as our John Wick, so to speak. Played by Ana de Armas, who gloriously kicked butt in No Time to Die, Eve is an orphaned assassin and ballerina trained by the Ruska Roma dance school following the murder of her parents at the hands of a mysterious cult of killers called the Cult, lead by The Chancellor (Gabriel Byrne). Under the tutelage of The Director (Anjelica Huston), Eve is trained to be a total bad ass and naturally after one successful mission heads off on the revenge trail to avenge her dead parents. Aided by her benefactor, Winston (Ian McShane) Eve is soon finds herself in the Cult's uber-secret base of Hallstatt in Austria, where everyone is an assassin., even the coffee shop staff and the staff in Lidl. There in Hallstatt she fights her way through absolutely everyone towards her final confrontation with the Chancellor. Because the Cult and the Ruska Roma have an unspoken rule of leaving each other alone, The Director sends John Wick to kill Eve before she can have her revenge. 

Thanks to a never-ending series of chance encounters, Eve has absolutely no difficulty in tracking down the Cult's base of operations, each person she meets on her personal revenge voyage is able give her just enough information to get her merrily to Hallstatt. Even good ole John Wick seems to disregard his orders and rather than kill Eve allows her to beat the living shit out of while all the time telling her she has options. 

So, I loved the first John Wick film, it truly revolutionised the action film genre and re-invented and rejuvenated Keanu Reeve's career. It was a tight, insanely punchy, fantastically violent and satisfyingly brief movie and I fricking loved it! Watching John Wick lay waste to an army of henchmen in a series of superbly choreographed fight scenes and gun battles was a thrilling and most importantly never repetitive or boring. Sadly, the same can't be said of The Ballerina, early on in her training sequence tiny, nah impish Eve is told to use her disadvantages to her advantage and cheat to make a virtue of her size. After that one training mission she never again uses that wisdom. However, she doesn't really need to as everyone she fights conveniently allows her ample time to get her shots or fists in first and really don't seem that bothered by dying. Lucky for her.

What follows is a good looking, very well shot and edited action film, but sadly with a plot that follows the same plodding formula - pout, chat, fight, kill. Pout, chat, fight, kill - until her final showdown with Wick and then her final one with the Chancellor and then it's over. It's sadly very repetitive and frankly a little dull, her victory is never in doubt, her minimal wounds are laughable considering she's going up against a literal army's worth of highly trained killers, and the only damage she seems to suffer is a slight cut above her eyebrow. No concussions, no ruptured spleens, no shattered bones and not one single bullet wound or gaze, Christ even Wick suffered actual injuries, but not so our Eve. And that, dear reader is what robs this from being glorious, it has no skin in the game, and nothing to prove. It's the latest produce from a machine that's set to follow a winning formula, although missing one key ingredient, Keanu Reeve in the lead role. 

Acting wise, Ana works hard to be convincing, but at times she comes across as stroppy and almost petulant, she really throws herself into the action but it's not entirely convincing although the highlight is a superb flame-thrower fight. And it was a delight to see Gabriel Bryne back in a movie, I can't remember the last time I saw him, he has real menace, although I think he's horribly shortchanged in this one. Likewise Angelica Huston is splendid in her returning role as the Director of the Roma. And bringing up the rear, so to speak, Ian McShane who still seems to be revelling in his role as the manager of the Continental hotel.  

Hollywood has wholeheartedly embraced the idea of a female super agent on a revenge mission from La Femme Nikita to Long Kiss Goodnight, Atomic Blonde, Red Sparrow, Anna, Salt, Black Widow, Kill Bill, Hanna, Colombiana, Haywire, and Peppermint to name but 12, and at least two of those are also trained ballerinas, so this isn't exactly a new genre, but I just wish it had been a lot more inventive, if the makers of John Wick had wanted this to spawn a new franchise I think they might have miss-fired (geddit?). Looking at that list of films I have to say that apart from Anna, Red Sparrow (both ballerinas) and Colombiana that that list of films would make for a brilliant binge watch, particularly Haywire, which is frankly an absolute powerhouse of a movie. 

But this? Well, it's okay, but nothing original and nothing to worry John Wick about.

7/10

#37: THE PHOENICIAN SCHEME

 

STARRING: Benicio Del Toro, Mia Threapleton, Michael Cera, Riz Ahmed, Tom Hanks, Bryan Cranston, Mathieu Amalric, Richard Ayoade, Jeffrey Wright, Scarlett Johansson, Benedict Cumberbatch, Rupert Friend, Bill Murray and Hope Davis. Story by Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola, screenplay by Wes Anderson. Directed by Wes Anderson. Running time 109 minutes.

When uber-rich industrialist Zsa-Zsa Korda (Benicio Del Toro), survives his yet another assassination attempt on his life that sees him walk away from his 7th near-fatal plane crash he embarks on his greatest scheme, the Phoenician Scheme and attempts to reunite with his estranged daughter and nun in training, Sister Liesl (Mia Threapleton) and his nine sons. Meanwhile his many enemies, fellow tycoons set out to destroy him, his legacy and his new scheme once and for all, leading Korda and his daughter to embark on a quest to save his dream.

Oh my god, what a film what a film! I realise that this will polarise many people but for me, this is the film of the year! Hands down!

A glorious film, as always art directed and directed to near perfection by Wes Anderson, whose unique visual vision makes his films instantly recognisable. From his meticulously designed sets to his idiosyncratic camera moves his films have an identity that is indelible.

The performances by the superb ensemble cast are all expertly mannered and 'acterly' as if appearing in an am-dram performance and it matters not one jote. Del Toro is superb, as is Mia Threapleton, but the MVP is Michael Cera who brings a wonderful energy to his role as the socially awkward home tutor Bjørn Lund who gets dragged into the globe trotting adventure.

Every aspect of this film was a pure delight, from the soundtrack, the style and direction, it's at turns funny, and dramatic and frantic. Whether you like this film or not will rely entirely on what you think of Wes Anderson's other films, and if you're a fan of his wonderful oeuvre then get ready for 109 minutes of pure bliss. 

I cannot wait to see this one again and again!

10/10   

#36: MISS IMP: FIN REC

 

STARRING: Tom Cruise, Hayley Atwell, Ving Rhames, Simon Pegg, Henry Czerny, Angela Bassett. Written by Christopher McQuarrie and Erik Jendresen. Directed by Christopher McQuarrie. Produced by Christopher McQuarrie and Tom Cruise, stunt flying in helicopter Tom Cruise, stunt flying in airplane Tom Cruise, underwater stunt man Tom Cruise. Budget $300-400 million. Running time 170 minutes.

I'vegottobequickcostheresalottocraminandIdonthavetimeforpunctuation.

No, that's not going to work. Look, this is the eighth and, we're told final MISS IM movie and there's a lot to cover but only three hours worth of film time to tell it in.

It starts the minute the screen lights up and then just goes, like a jet-car at 300mph, there's absolutely no time for anything but plot, in this film even when Cruise is not running from A-B, he's running on the spot, seriously. There was a scene that was cut out where Cruise is running on the spot while trying to do a poo, and it wasn't nice. So, Cruise is on cruise-control for the whole film, every problem presented is dealt with bang, bang as it races to the ending. Everyone has their eye on the clock and no time is spent, or wasted, on meaningful silences, pregnant pauses or moments of somber introspection. NO SIR! There's a goddam world to save from a totally evil AI, and quite so in this film because world is literally 3 days away from total global armageddon and nuclear annihilation. In fact, it's hardly surprising Cruise and everyone is running so goddam fast, like me they're just trying to arm-aggedon out of here!

SO. The last time we hung out with Ethan and the gang in MIS IM: De Rec P1, they were up against the Entity - a super intelligent, sentient, AI that had escaped into the real world and gone rogue and a whole bunch of people wanted the tech. Aided by a shadowy character called Gabriel (Henry Czerny), who killed Hunt's first girlfriend in the past. He was a driven, evangelical and deeply fanatical henchman who believed the Entity was going to save the world. Ethan spent the whole film trying to find and hold on to two currant bun keys that when wedged together would open the vault thingie that housed the Entity, which was hidden in the bowels of a sunken Russian submarine, although no one knew where. The film was gripping, exciting and laid the ground work for this, MIS IM: The Fin Rec.

So, in this one, armed with the current buns Ethan heads off to find the sub, evade every single law enforcement officer in the world and try and stop both the Entity and Gabriel before either one of them can do something bad. There's atomic bombs to defuse, hijackings, car crashes, chases, gun battles, knife fights, fisticuffs, and thrilling death-defying stunts that leave you on the edge of your seat. 

So why didn't I love it more? I have to say this isn't a bad film, I didn't fall asleep once, I was gripped and the three hours flew by, but by the same measure I left a little underwhelmed, it was good, but didn't soar, gripping but not insanely thrilling and there were some plot decisions which were very poor, indeed laughable. 

I was frustrated that Gabriel who'd been such a great foil for Cruise is reduced to nothing more than a moustache twiddling cartoon villain in this outing cackling evilly at times to remind us he's evil, but most annoying the Entity which featured so heavily in the last film disappears for a huge chunk of this film and even more maddeningly doesn't have a final showdown with Ethan, sure he's at the climax but I wanted a final confrontation. 

The action is superb but gone was any sense of a team of agents working together to save the world, the film tries and succeeds in tying together the past films in the series, with previous plot devices and story threads cleverly woven into this. But at times this came across as a Tom Cruise: Miss IM: Greatest hits show, with this incredible achievements acknowledged in a sort of film festival sort of way, you have expected Cruise to stand up and accept the award while in the background on the big screen a compilation clip is show of all his best bits, oh wait. That's exactly what happened! 

Look, I love the Miss Im films, well all except the second one, which is an absolute pile of donkey dicks. And in preparation for this one Pet and I rewatched them all, including the second one and I have to say that despite how entertaining this was, it wasn't as good, it didn't roar, it sort of hummed. But that's not to say this was a bad film, it just wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. There was too much incident, and too much time was taken in just getting Ethan and his band together for the final act. Indeed it felt that 2/3rds of this was just the premable, which was all too linear, there were no surprises, everything was methodically laid out, every problem was dealt with as the team moved on to the next. Perhaps one of the high lights was the unexpected return of a character from the first film who proves to be an absolute delight. 

However, all that said, this had great stunts, my god, the stunts were amazing, that bi-plane stunt will have you holding your breathe, and that coupled with great action, and some nice character work including managing to make Simon Pegg likeable (and all it took was a collapsed lung), the direction by Christopher McQuarrie is superb, he and Cruise are a great team, the music was perfect and action was good and yet... 

I saw this last week and I've been mulling it over for a week, I've even talked to a couple of critics for their opinion and we all seemed to feel the same way, that it was 'good, but not great'. And alas at the end of the day I really wanted this to be great, to end the franchise on a beautiful high. 

8/10 

#33-#35: LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU, FANTASTIC MR. FOX, THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

 

We've been blessed by a recent re-release of some Wes Anderson oldies and what a treat. Sadly, The Royal Tennanbaums got cancelled, and they didn't show my personal favourite Anderson, Rushmore, but that's the only negative.

Life Aquatic with Steve Sizzou is edgiest of the three, but with the best soundtrack, I find it probably the saddest of his films. The performances are exceptional, with Bill Murray soaring the highest. Mr Fox is gloriously animated and Anderson's unique visual style is allowed to zing but for me the Grand Budapest Hotel was simply flawless and it's probably my joint favourite Anderson movie along with Rushmore. It's so layered, both in characters and plot, it's relentless and feels like a screwball comedy. Ralph Fiennes has never been better his creation of Guastave is sublime. I cannot fault this film, I loved every second and would have happily watched it again straight away. I watched it with a grin and found myself delighted endlessly by the visual brilliance of Anderson, and beautiful elegant storytelling.

Wonderful stuff.

Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou   9/10
The Fantastic Mr. Fox                9/10

The Grand Budapest Hotel        10/10

#32: FINAL DESTINATION: BLOODLINES

 

STARRING: Kaitlyn Santa Juana, Teo Briones, Richard Harmon, Owen Patrick Joyner, Rya Kihlstedt, Anna Lore, Brec Bassinger and Tony Todd. Written by Guy Busick and Lori Evans Taylor from a story by Jon Watts, Guy Busick and Lori Evans Taylor. Directed by Zach Lipovsky and Adam Stein. Running time 110 minutes.

I'll say this about Death, he's not very good at his job if this latest installment in the 25 year-old franchise is anything to go by, because yet again he managed to avoid a whole family worth of victims who should have died but somehow avoided his tender mercies.

The best thing about the Final Destination franchise are the ridiculously convoluted deaths and this installment is packed to the brim with some truly spectacular deaths, deaths that make you laugh in delight. It's interesting that I've no longer got any time or patience for slasher films, I hate watching people getting stalked and slashed by masked killers, but watching a cast of characters dying gruesomely in so called accidents is an absolute blast! 

Plus Psycho Gran gets a sort of mention.

And that's about it! I very much enjoyed this movie. 

8/10

#31: FINAL DESTINATION

STARRING: Seann William Scott, Devon Sawa, Ali Larter, Kerr Smith, Tony Todd. Written by Glen Morgan, James Wong and Jeffrey Reddick, from a story by Jeffrey Reddick. Directed by James Wong. Originally released in 2000. Budget $23 million. Running time 98 minutes.

A group of excited teenage high school kids board a plane for a trip to Paris. One of the kids, Alex Browning (Ali Browning) has a horrific premonition that the plane is going to go down in a ball of fire and gets himself and five other passengers thrown off the plane. When the plane promptly explodes killing everybody onboard, Alex is ostracised by both the other survivors and the families of the victims. He's also a person of interest for the FBI who hound him constantly assuming he had something to do with the disaster. When the survivors start dying in a series of ghastly, gruesome, elaborate W.H.Robinson style accidents, Alex realises that because they've all cheated Death, Death is now coming for them, can Alex find a way to survive? 

What follows is an enjoyable, gory, slasher film, where the deaths cause you to laugh with amusement, so inventive and outlandish are they. You find yourself trying to second guess how each death is going to occur. Naturally, when I first saw this the shocks worked brilliantly, this time round, you remember what's about to occur. Although that doesn't stop this from still being a lot of fun. 

It's directed and edited well, the performances didn't win any Oscars and it's done and dusted in 98 minutes. It's not a film you need to rewatch over and over again, but once every 25 years seems about right. 

Overall, this isn't big, or clever, it looks a tad cheap and low budget, but  nevertheless it's silly, exceedingly gruesome and loads of fun. Like watching 24 HRs in A&E, but one where you not only get to see the accidents too. 

7/10 

#30: THUNDERBOLTS*

STARRING: Florence Pugh, Sebastian Stan, Wyatt Russell, Olga Kurylenko, Lewis Pullman, Geraldine Viswanathan, David Harbour, Hannah John-Kamen and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Screenplay by Eric Pearson and Joanna Calo. Directed by Jake Schreier. Budget $180 million. Running time 126 minutes.

Facing impeachment, Congress woman and C.I.A. Director Valentina Allegra de Fontaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) decides to destroy all evidence of her criminal experiments and illegal covert activities by sending all of her various freelance enhanced agents, Yelena Belova (Florence Pugh), U.S. Agent (Wyatt Russell), Ghost (Hannah John-Kamen), Taskmaster (Olga Kurylenko) to a top secret storage facility in the desert to kill an intruder and destroy everything they find inside. However the various characters all discover they've been lied to by Fontaine who wants all of them dead and they find themselves locked deep underground in the complex which is counting down to destruction. While bickering and fighting, they manage to release a young man called Bob, who has no idea where he is or why. Together they manage to escape the base and find themselves on the run from Fontaine and the might of the US Intelligence services. Luckily Yelena's dad, Alexei Shostakov aka Red Guardian (David Habour), helps them escape and with the aid of Bucky the Winter Solider (Sebastian Stan) the gang of misfits team up to stop Fontaine and her incredibly powerful new enforcer called Sentry.

Well, here we are the 36th installment of the MCU and the last film in the utterly terrible Phase Five series that has included some of the worst movies in the entire canon including: Pant-Man and the Wasp: Quantum-tedium, The Marbles, and Crapton Americant: Bland New World. As well as the mediocre Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3. and the candy floss emptyness of Deadpoo and Wolverwhine.

But what of Thunderbolts*? Well, what an utter and unexpected surprise, this one ain't just not bad, it's actually pretty goddam good! A very satisfying, funny, action-packed and engaging movie with good performances, especially from Florence Pugh who is this film's MVP, and backed up by solid turns by the rest of the cast and a very game Julia Louis-Dreyfus who brings a glorious level of comedic malevolence to the role of Fontaine.

The time flew by, there was no saggy middle, and it had not only a strong emotional arc but also a good third act structure and conclusion. And I'm as surprised by this outcome as you probably are. I'm sure, like me, you probably can't see the point in a film featuring a bunch of characters you either don't know or can't remember, but wasn't that the same for the first Guardians movie? And this one too creates something enjoyable with an unknown cast of characters. 

Sure it's not perfect the ending feels a little rushed but regardless it's thoroughly entertaining, satisfying and the cast have good group chemistry together. The humour isn't forced or too much like the last two Thor movies, and the the film isn't flooded with too many pixels like Pant-Man. And finally there's no spinning vortex of doom and no 'oh my god the whole world, sorry Solar System, sorry Universe is going to end.' threat. Even if it is city-sized.

Actually going to go and see this again as a double bill with The Accountant 2.
Hopefully this will see off the curse of super-hero fatigue to do well at the box office, cos it deserves too.

And as always with these films there are two post credit stings, the first is an amusing throw away but the second at the very end had me squeaking in delight, although I guessed what was about to occur, it's for once well worth the long slow crawl through the credits.

8/10

#29: STAR TREK III: REVENGE OF THE PITH

STARRING: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, Ian McDiamrmid, Samuel L. Jackson, Christopher Lee, Phil Daniels, Kenny Baker and Frank Oz. Written and director George Lucas. Music by John Willimas. Produced by Rick McCallum. Budget $113 million. Running time 140 minutes long.

I remember that when this originally came out in 2005 the critical opinion of it was, 'Thank god it's not as shit as The Phantom Dennis, or Attack of the Clowns.' Well, 20 years has now passed since it was first released and since I last saw it on the big screen so an opportunity to rewatch this again on the big screen was an opportunity not to be missed.

The plot would take far too long to synopsis, but in a nutshell. This film chronicles the final birthing pains of an evil Empire that will rock a galaxy far, far away a long time ago.

Boy was there a lot to cram or shoehorn into this one. It's a film that doesn't have time for contemplation or pensive moments, not when you've got a whole galaxy-spanning order of Jedi to eradicate, an iconic villain to create, and several future plot points and holes to establish. Lucas races through incident and battle at breakneck speed, from one planet to another, one light-sabre battle to blaster attack at a time. And all the while you get the sense that Lucas stands behind the camera with his bull horn screaming, "Go faster! Quicker! Hurry up! We've got to get 305 set-ups done today!" And woe-betide anyone fluffing their lines!

Lucas who wrote and directed all of the prequels does so without any studio interference and as such he has free reign to do whatever he wants, and what he wants is to shot all the boring human interaction stuff as quickly as possible, so he can be left to noodle around with creature and space stuff design. Because anything other than flat-out special effects is deeply lifeless and dull.

And to speed up the film making process Lucas opts to shoot everything with three cameras, two for one-shots and a third for a two-shot pick up and then gets everything he needs in one take. To paraphrase Blain from Predator, "He ain't got time to reshoot." There's a scene in License to Kill where Bond (Timothy Dalton) interrogates Pam Bouvier (Carey Lowell) on a bed, it's directed by John Glenn and edited by John Groover, it's an incredible scene in terms of editing and camera cuts, try watching it and counting how many times the camera cuts and how many camera angles there are. Lucas is the antithesis of this approach and as a result, These films have a daytime TV soap quality about them. Everything is perfunctory at best.

However, all that said, this wasn't the horrible mess I remembered, and I found myself rather enjoying it, as long as I just allowed it all to wash over me. Definitely the best of the prequels. There's pathos here, but no joy, no fluffy critters for the kids either, but lots and lots of smashing space battles. That opening battle and the rock-ship crash landing are spectacular and well worth it on the big screen. However the endless light sabre battles are repetitious. Sadly, unlike the originals time has not been as kind to the SFX, which all look a tad fuzzy and clunky and was it really this dark? The performances save one are pretty good given the material they have to spout although Hayden Christensen really is the acting equivalent of a plank of wood mated with a boiled ham. 

The dialogue is laughable at times and the amount of exposition required of the cast to deliver borders on a hate crime. There are elements that are hilariously bad, Princess Amadala's death, Ben not finishing off Anakin as he lies there burning in the lava, and any time Hayden's on screen, but there's also genuine horror, the slaughter of the younglings and General Grievesses death by blaster at the hands of that cheating Jedi scum Kenobi, who has to cheat to win, no wonder the Empire won.

Oddly enough I'm pleased to read this did good business on its re-issue taking a respectable $18 million in its first weekend. It shows there is hope for Star Wars on the big screen, I just wish there was less of the TV shows to dilute to brand and make it less special. There used to be something genuinely exciting having to wait between films and the anticipation was intoxicating. 

8 out of 10 get this one does. 

#28: THE ACCOUNTANT 2

 

STARRING: Ben Affleck, Jon Bernthal, Cynthia Addai-Robinson, Daniella Pineda and J.K. Simmons. Written by Bill Dubuque. Directed by Gavin O'Connor. Budget $80 million. Running time 132 minutes.

Usually Affleck acts as if being an insanely wealthy Hollywood actor and director is extremely hard work and he's really above it all, he comes across as bored and weary, and you can almost hear him sigh as he sags his huge shoulders and shuffles off frame. Not so with Accountant 2, where he doesn't have to show any emotion at all, indeed I imagine that the director pleaded with him to act at just 40% and Ben enthusiastically stepped up to the plate and delivered. However, this isn't a bad thing here, in fact it's an absolute boon. 

Christian Wolff (Ben Affleck) is a high functioning autistic beloved by Hollywood, one who is super fantastic at one, or a, particular set of skills and slightly awkward in social situations in a way that is usually amusing for the audience. In Wolff's case he's a financial genius, a gifted forensic accountant who launders and manages money for various high level criminal organisations during the day and one of the world's greatest assassins at night. But he's not unique, cos his estranged brother, Braxton (Jon Bernthal) is also a fantastic world class assassin who has his own anti-social problems mainly his management of anger. 

Nine years ago we meet these adorable siblings for the first Accountant film, which was a far more sombre and serious affair that only came alive when the two Wolff brothers finally got together for a team-up and glorious shoot-out against a veritable army of nameless goons in the final act. 

This time round, the film makers, returning writer and director, realise that there's gold to be mined from their two male leads' chemistry and gets them together in the first ten minutes and boy does it pay off. The actual story doesn't really matter, it revolves around a Mexican child trafficking gang and another super-supreme assassin, this time a woman called Anaïs (Daniella Pineda) who's somehow connected to a mysterious family trafficked 10 years earlier. Cynthai Addai-Robinson and J.K. Simmons return to reprise their roles of Treasury agents Marybeth Median and Raymond King.

It's taken nearly 10 years for this belated sequel, which is a shame, cos based on this outing the bromance and chemistry between the two leads is almost intoxicating. Their bickering banter and brotherly petulance is very funny and makes this film a real delight, and while this isn't a full-blown comedy, its humour is a welcome addition and hints at a sustainable franchise. 

Entertaining, satisfying with good action sequences and meaty action sequences. I'm already looking forward to rewatching this again as a double bill. And the inevitable sequel which I guarantee won't be 10 years in the making.

8/10

#27: WARFARE

 

STARRING: D'Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai, Will Poulter, Cosmo Jarvis, Kit Connor, Finn Bennett, Joseph Quinn, Charles Melton, Noah Centineo and Michael Gandolfini. Writtten and directed by Ray Mendoza and Alex Garland. Budget $20 million. Running time 95 minutes.

Based on testimonies of the actual platoon whose experiences this film is a truthful re-enactment of. The film follows what happens when U.S. Navy SEAL platoon Alpha One takes over an ordinary Iraq one story house in Ramadi prior to the Battle of Ramadi. The film takes place in real time to give it an massive dose of reality, as if experiencing what is about to unfurl in ghastly close-up gory detail isn't immersive enough. What follows is the platoon trapped and fending off repeated attacks as they desperately wait to be rescued, while the two families who live in the house have to shelter in a bedroom wondering if they'll live to see the morning, their plight isn't of any interest to the film makers, who are far more interested in our plucky bunch of heavily armoured warriors and their toys of warfare. 

Most of the war re-enactments I've ever seen usually consist of people dressed as either roundheads or cavaliers staging battles, skirmishes and sieges of the English Civil War, I hope this more modern updating doesn't become the norm, it'll make for some rather unsettling Bank Holiday weekends if we have to sit through IEDs, battlefield surgery and airstrikes. 

This isn't a fun watch, it's grim, ghastly and deeply immersive, you'll feel the shockwaves and find yourself tense and shell-shocked by the events. You'll watch a whole platoon of sweaty, gear-ladden troops besieged and shreded by mostly unseen enemy, who when they are revealed, look nothing more than a group of sheep herders holding AK47s. 

It's loud, brutal and exhausting. But it's not a film, there's no usual cinematic structure, no story arc, or secondary story, no emotional beats or witty dialouge. Just a barrage of gun-fire, explosions, mayhem and battle field gore all in real time. It's truly hammering. And even now two days later I don't know how I feel about it. I see no reason to watch it again.

As an exercise in film making it's a masterclass, Alex Garland is proving to be a truly unique and impressive film maker, but for me this has no emotional core, and because it's so real there's no sense of it being a story in the true sense of the word, it's a clever warts-an'-all re-enactment which seems obsessed in making sure that the exact number of pebbles on the road are correct. It's hard to work out who's who and ultimately the relief you finally feel when the last bullet is fired is the true highlight of the film, because you never need to watch it again.

That all said this is a technical tour-de-force and the realism borders on perfection. But I don't want that from my cinema I want escapism and larger-than-life experiences.  

7/10

#26: SINNERS

 

Starring: Michael B. Jordan, Hailee Steinfeld, Miles Caton, Jack O'COnnell, Wunmi Mosaku, Jayme Lawson, Omar Miller, Buddy Guy, Delroy Lindo and Li Jun LI. Written and directed by Ryan Coogler. Budget $100 million. Running time 138 minutes.

It's 1932 and identical twins Elijah and Elias, Smoke & Stack (Michael B. Jordan) return to Mississippi after 10 years working for Al Capone. Armed with a truck load of stolen booze and weapons the brothers buy up an old saw mile from a Klansman before recruiting friends young and old to run the Juke joint, including Sammie 'Preacher Boy' Moore (Miles Caton) - a young and up-and-coming guitarist, Mary (Hailee Steinfeld) - childhood friend of the brothers and ex-lover of Stack, Annie (Wunmi Mosaku) - the mother of Smoke's dead daughter, and Delta Slim (Delroy Lindo) - an alcoholic blues legend drinking himself to death between sets. Together this disparate group friends and family convert the old saw mill and get ready for their opening night. However when sinister Irish folk singer Remmick (Jack O'Connell) and his two companions turn up late in the night and ask to be let in, the night quickly escalates into a genuinely unsettling supernatural slaughter-house as the white interlopers reveal themselves to be vampires. 

From the look and feel, to the superb music from Ludwig Göransson, the excellent acting and direction, Sinners is an absolute delight from beginning to end. It's reminiscent of the equally superior 1987 movie, Near Dark and both succeed in making their vampire protagonists deeply unsettling and disgusting. 

This is a deeply satisfying, energetic and gorgeous looking film and I goddam loved it! Definitely the best horror film I've seen in an absolute age!

One word of warning, you HAVE to stay to the end, don't get up and go as soon as the credits start or you'll miss something very important, and no, it's not a hateful dose of sequel-bating but rather a very satisfying coda to what has gone before.

9/10 

#25: ONE TO ONE: JOHN & YOKO

 

Starring: John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Produced by Peter Worsley, Kevin MacDonald and Alice Webb. Edited by Sam Rice-Edwards. Directed by Kevnin MacDonald and Sam Rice-Edwards. Running time 100 minutes.

Creating an exact replica of John and Yoko's Greenwich Village apartment as a framing device, right down to over-flowing ashtrays, album sleeves strewn across the floor and half drunk wine glasses, the film follows the first 18 months of John and Yoko's life after they left England for good to settle in the US from 1971-1973.  Using footage from the Free the People and One to One benefit concerts, taped phone calls, vintage news coverage, adverts and recorded interviews from the era, while at the same time documenting Nixon's successful re-election campaign and the growing anti Vietnam War movement and the birth of civil disobedience. 

Watching the two of them together and listening to them talking, or being interviewed is a unique experience, you get to hear a side of him, in particular, which is real, you glean an insight into their relationship and then you get to watch him perform and it's almost profound.I truly adored the Get Back documentary, I've always been drawn to witnessing the creative process in action and although you don't get to see that here with Lennon, you do get to see him perform and it's nothing short of mesmerising. 

This film offers a deeply fascinating glimpse into a bygone era and even if you're not a fan of Lennon or the Beatles it's nevertheless an incredible slice of social history from over 50 years ago and on that basis alone is well worth the admission price. You'll marvel at how much our world has changed, and tragically the miserable parallels with the present and the rise of a fanatical celebrity worshiping Right. The 70s seems so innocent, so naive, it never ceases to amaze me how much the world has changed in a fantastically short period of time. 

All that said, there is also a terrible sense of foreboding in this movie. You the viewer, know what is to befall Lennon just seven years on from the events of the film and I found myself just wishing I could some how let him know, so engaging and personal was the film and just how engaging it was. 

This was a deeply satisfying an enjoyable cinematic experience. On a musical front we are most certainly being spoiled by films this year. My top three films of the year so far are all musical documentaries or bio pics. Roll on Pink Floyd at Pompei.

9/10

#24: THE AMATEUR

STARRING: Rami Malek, Rachel Brosnahan, Caitriona Balfe, Michael Stuhlbarg, Laurence Fishburne, Holt McCallany, Jon Bernthal and Joseph Millson. Screenplay by Ken Nolan and Gary Spinelli. Directed by James Hawes. Budget $60 million. Running time 123 minutes.

When Charlie Heller (Rami Malek), a meek, mild, uber-nerd CIA cryptologist and computer nerd, is told his wife has been killed by terrorists whilst on a business trip to London, England he does what any grieving widower would do. He black mails his corrupt CIA line manager, Danny Sapani (Caleb Horowitz) into sending him into the field to hunt down and kill the four men who killed his wife. 

After a brief training session with CIA master assassin Laurence Fishburne's Robert 'Hendo' Henderson, Charlie lopes off to Europe to track down the men and kill them. Although, because Charlie is an absolute wimp and can't shoot or punch anybody he makes IEDs from everyday items and uses them to work his way up the food chain to the man ultimately responsible for pulling the trigger.

A very languidly paced thriller with not that much action. There's fun to be had watching a limp lettuce like Malek in an action role relying on his wits to exact a worthy revenge on the callous terrorist for hire who killed his wife rather than his fists and guns. The cast is strong too,  Laurence Fishburne sadly underused is nevertheless good value, as is Holt McCallany revelling in his role as shady CIA operative who's been ordering off the book hits. 

This is The Bourne Identity Lite, with parkour replaced with a gentle strolls, hi-oxtane car chases swapped out mobility scooter drag races, savage hand-to-hand MMA slapdowns, switched for a hand-flapping slap attacks, and John Wick style gun battles replaced with some IEDs and severe tutting. While it's on it's somewhat satisfying, but doesn't burn enough to truly shine. 2017's American Assassin did this far better and if you want a superior, non-violent spy drama I'd wholeheartedly recommend Black Bag over this. 

That said, there's worst ways to spend 2 hours of your life. 

7/10

#23: MEINCRAP

STARRING: Jason Momoa, Jack Black, Danielle Brooks, Emma Myers and Sebastian Hansen. Screenplay by Chris Bowman, Hubbel Palmer, Neil Widner, Gavin James, Chris Galletta. From a story by Allison Schroeder, Chris Bowman and Hubbel Palmer. Based on the video game. Directed by Jared Hess. Budget $150 million. Running time 101 minutes.

This took the combined talents of six writers to write. Think about it, that means that six different writers, who'd all gone to Uni to study creative writing and the such sat in room together and that this was the best they could come up with. I imagine that each took a turn standing on the writer room's big table, legs apart squatting down and then, with veins popping on their foreheads, squeezing out their genius onto a big pile of scattered paper. Then, the next writer waddled up, trousers bunched around their ankles before adding their nugget of creative output and mixing it all together until they'd all added their portion of wonderment and the pile of paper was saturated. Then one of them proudly gathered up all the paper and shambled from the room, with the huge brown stained, sagging damp sheets of paper smeared in shit up and waved it in the face of the eight producers and grunted that they was done their best. The producers carried the stinking piece of shit dripping paper to the director and flung it at him. "Make this, but make it good." they ordered before sliding off to congratulate themselves at how brilliant they were. While the writers went back to their colouring-in books.

And then the director, who had once made a film that both surprised and delighted and was made for 375% less budget watched the last ounce of his own shame wither away and made this foul stinking mess. 

What follows is a 101 minute long bowel movement, a film devoid of anything of merit, worth, or humanity. It's a film whose plot frame works for any Hollywood blockbuster made in the last 40 years, a generic quest-based film that features a group of people, a portal to another dimension and a journey to recover an artifect of power before our band of plucky heroes unite, fall out, re-unite and finally win the day. It's the purest and biggest nugget of cinematic pyrite I've ever seen. Its lustre shines and gleams with pure delight, it promises worlds of wonderment but at the end of the day, you'll leave bored, pummelled, deafened and wearied by a non-stop avalanche of the cinematic excess.

The plot. Jason Momoa, an orphan boy genius, his big sister and her real estate agent travel through a magical portal to the world of Minecraft and meet Jack Black. He proceeds to scream at them for the next 90 odd minutes. They are given their quest, they meet a villain whom they end up killing and overcome some tedious, loud, garish mini quests some of which feature elements from the Minecraft game. They come home and everything is lovely. The film ends with Jack Black scream singing a duet with Jason Momoa. 

I can't be arsed to discuss this any further. 

It's an absolute piece of shit, it's not funny. It's not good. Jack Black is awful, so is Momoa.

It's hideous, it's bland, it's boring. A 7 year old boy with his dad in the toilets afterwards said, and I quote, "That wasn't very good, daddy." He was spot on, although I'd have phrased it somewhat differently.

I'd have said that it was a hideous, ghastly, dreadful, wretched, obscenely bloated mass of multi-coloured garbage spewed across a massive screen with nothing to redeem it and nothing worse seeing. But then I was a precocious 7-year old.

A big bloated bag of shit. 

Also there's a post credit sting. Don't bother, it's also shit. 

2/10

         

 

#22: DEATH OF A UNICORN

STARRING: Paul Rudd, Jenna Ortega, Will Poulter, Tea Leoni and Richard E. Grant, Jessica Hynes, Anthony Carridgan, Sunita Mani and Steve park. Written and directed by Alex Scharfman. Budget $15 million. Running time 107 minutes.

Another horror release from distribution company A24, made for a fraction of the price of Gladiator 2 or, Crapton American't: Bland New World. In fact, you could make 16.6 of these types of horror film for the cost of the last/next MCU offering. 

While driving to a weekend retreat with the Leopold family, the founders of the charity he works for, newly widowed Elliot Kintner (Paul Rudd) and his emo daughter Ridley (Jenna Ortega) hit a unicorn leaving Elliot to 'humanely' kill it with a wrench before taking its body to the Odell compound where it comes back to life and has to be shot and killed (again) by Shaw, the Leopold's personal assistant.

There at the compound we meet the uber rich Leopold family, patriarch, Odell (Richard E. Grant) who is dying of cancer, his wife, Belinda (Tea Leoni) a vapid, over privileged and neurotic trophy wife, their ultra-spoilt, wastrel and indulged son, Shepard (Will Poulter), family butler Griff (Anthony Carrigan), the forementioned Shaw (Jessica Hynes) and a retinue of scientists lead Dr. Bhatia (Sunita Mani) and Dr. Song (Steve Park). Oh, and an army of unnamed cannon folder for what is about to occur.

It doesn't take long for the Leopold's to realise that Unicorn has astonishing healing powers and Odell is cured, and Shepard is snorting ground up Unicorn horn powder, while Belinda is dreaming of curing the super-rich of terminal illnesses for a fee of course. And through it all, Elliot keeps hoping it'll all turn out alright for him and his daughter.

HOWEVER, the Unicorn's parents are pretty peeved with the treatment dealt out to their 'dead' fowl and come looking for retribution. From there on it's gravy train time in the gore department and a game of 'last man' standing. 

This is an amusing film, with a good cast, all hamming it up royally, with some nice social commentary, although not enough, some good kills and a light-hearted, tongue in cheek horror romp vibe. 

This is okay, not brilliant and entertaining but sadly not clever enough, you wish it'd gone all in on the gore and social commentry, but the film lands a thumbs up for the excellent casting of Grant and Leoni, while Rudd and Ortega just phone it in with ease and charm a plenty.

7/10

#21: A WORKING MAN

STARRING Jason Statham, Michael Pena, David Harbour, Jason Fleming, Arianna Rivas, Emmett J. Scanlan, Eve Mauro, Noemi Gonzalez. Written by Sylvester Stallone and David Ayer, based on the book Levon's Trade by Chuck Dixon. Produced by Sylvester Stallone. Directed by David Ayer. Running time 116 minutes.

Stath is Levon Cade, an ex-Royal Marine commando now working as a site foreman for building construction family lead by Joe Garcia (Michael Pena) and Noemi Gonzalez (Carla Garcia) whose daughter, Jenny Garcia (Arianna Rivas) gets Taken and sold to Russian mob guys, leading to Levon to use his particular and unique skill-set to go off on a one-man-army rampage to bring her back while killing every single bad guy who gets in his way. Using a variety of guns, knives, grenades, boots and fists, while only suffering a slight twinge in his left bicep after carrying one gun too many. 

Featuring some, but not enough, amusing kills, particularly Jason Flemyng's demise, which comes all too soon, this is a Ronsil action movie delivering nothing new, or that exciting, just the Stath racking up the biggest kill score for one film since Arnie's vastly superior Commando. It's a by-the-numbers, A-Z romp which the Stath can do in his sleep, in fact I'm not entirely sure he wasn't sleep-walking through this.

I have a theory that Hollywood replace old actors with new versions, Brad Pitt for Robert Redford, Stallone, himself, for Victor Mature, and to a far lesser extent we see an attempt for them to try and replace successful directors of old – Christopher Nolan vying to be the new Stanley Kubrick (and failing) and J.J. Abrams struggling to be the next Steven Spielberg and now we have our first fully successful attempt as David Ayer becomes the new Michael Winner and boy does he nail it! He'll be writing restaurant reviews and coming up with catchphrases for insurance adverts before we know it. This film could have been made just was well by Canon Movies back in the 80s starring Charles Bronson. And boy, can you tell it's a Stallone scripted film, the action, the characters the cliches they all scream Stallone, it has all the subtly of a sledgehammer to the balls. Indeed, if this had been made 20 years earlier, he'd have starred in it too.

Despite this being very generic, the Stath continues to be very entertaining and every year he pumps out another action blockbuster, last year it was Ayer's The Beekeeper. Apparently next year Ayers is going to combine both into a film he's calling The Working Beekeeper Man, which will see not one but two Statham's wiping out not one but two families of gangsters, one American and one Russian. I'm already looking forward to it. 

This is intriguing for some of the British actors who turn up in it and also the fact a lot of this looks like it was filmed in the UK. There's nothing new here, but it's fun and silly and the Stah is the only action hero who is funnier the more seriously he takes it. 

6/10

#20: DR. STRANGELOVE - NATIONAL THEATRE LIVE

 

Starring Steve Cogan, Dharmesh Patel, John Hopkins, Giles Terer, Tony Jayawardena co-written by Armando Iannucci and Sean Foley, directed by Sean Foley. Running time 150 minutes.

If you've ever wanted to see what an Am-Dram re-telling of Stanley Kubrick's truly superb and vastly superior 1964 comedy masterpiece Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, looks like then you've come to the right place. 

The film sees the events leading up to WWIII through the eyes of Group Captain Lionel Mandrake, US President Merkin Muffley, B52 pilot Major T.J. 'King' Kong, and wheelchaired bound Dr. Strangelove all played by Steven Coogan, who uses the genius move of just putting on a different funny accent for each character. 

Lacking the power, cast, and vision of Stanley Kubrick who directed the original vastly better film from a screenplay by Kubrick, Terry Southern and Peter George based on the book Red Alert by Peter George. This just feels like a poorly staged church hall performance that seems incredibly dull and boring in comparison and managing to be an hour longer than the movie. 

Most people will come for Coogan, well you'll get four times the dose but it's not vintage Coogan, more like going through the motions Coogan as he recalls his lines while remembering what accent to use, his least effective is his King Charles voice for Mandrake, while his Strangelove is the most successful. 

This just made me want to rewatch the original film. So it's not all bad, but I certainly won't be watching it again.

4/10

#19: THE ALTOID KNIGHTS

STARRING: Robert De Niro, Robert De Niro, Debra Messing, Cosmo Jarvis, Kathrine Narducci, Michael Rispoli and every Italian American male actor over the age of 58 in Hollywood, or so it would seem. Written by Nicholas Pileggi. Directed by Barry Levinson. Budget $45 million. Running time 123 minutes.

From the men who've brought us, Goodfellows, Casino, American Gangster, Bugsy, Diner, Rainman, Young Sherlock Holmes and Sphere comes this long, bloated, dull dirge featuring two Robert De Niros for the price of one. Charting, or at least based on the last two great American Mafia dons, Frank Costello and Vito Genovese in the twilight of their years, with one, the nice one, Frank (Robert De Niro), wanting to retire with his wife Bunny (Debra Messing) and Vito (Robert De Niro), the really grumpy one wanting to take the other down, despite both being best friends since childhood. Vito killed two witnesses and had to go to Italy to avoid prosecution and so Frank took over the business, built a vast criminal empire and ran it, apparently without war, grief or internal conflict. But once Vito came back to the US after WWII he wanted everything back and then more and went to war to get it. 

What follows is a really slow, boring film interspersed with flashes of violence to wake you up, which was good for me, because it woke me up twice in time to watch people get killed. 

Filled with an entire cast of elderly overweight and mobility impared Italian-looking white men, except for the criminally underused and simply superb Debra Messing, this film becomes an absolute slog which leaves you lost at sea with a veritable who's who of now long-dead American Mafia gangsters with impenetrable names all sitting around in clubs, or diners playing cards while Robert De Niro as Vito does his best Joe Pesci impersonation as the dangerous Vito, while Robert De Niro delivers a measured performance as the seemingly kindly, nah saintly gangster who never carried a gun, Frank, loved his wife Bunny and had two dogs.

Starting with a botched assassination attempt on Frank Costello (Robert De Niro) by one of Vito Genovese's (Robert De Niro) men, the whole slow moving hunk gently trundles along gathering no momentum on it's pub-crawl through historical events until Frank, agrees to hand over all control to Vito at a gangster BBQ retreat with the heads of every crime family in America leading to the entire dismantlement of the Mafia in America. 

Sounds like a great idea for a film and it is, shame it's not this one. In the hands of a in-his-prime Martin Scorsese this could have been a masterpiece but not so in Barry Levinson's hands, with a script originally written by Nicholas Pileggi back in the 1970s and turned down by every studio til now, this is a gangster film that lacks bite or any real drama. There are no young bloods vying for power just sad, slow moving old men played by sad, slow moving old men and when hits happen they happen with all the speed of an assassin on a zimmer frame.

Rather than watch this, go back and watch Goodfellows and Casino back-to-back and have a great evening rather than a thoroughly mediocre one.  

5/10

#17: JOHN WICK

Starring Keanu Reeves, Micheal Nyqvist, Alfie Allen, Adrianne Palicki, Ian McShane, Willem Dafoe, John Leguizamo and Bridget Moynahan. Written by Derek Kolstad, directed by Chad Stahelski. 101 blissful minutes of pure heaven.

Four films in and it's time to rewatch the original back up on the big screen, and what a delight!

Keanu Reeves is John Wick, retired assassin for the mob, grieving for his dead wife who saved him from his life of evil. Now John's days are spent thrashing a beautiful vintage 69 Mustang Mach 1 muscle car around an airfield and looking after Daisy the dog a posthumous gift from his wife to help him grieve. But when the son of his old friend and boss, Russian crime boss Viggo Tarasov, and his posse of hoods, break into Wick's house one night, beat him half to death, stealing his car and unwisely killing Daisy, Wick dusts off his old killing box and heads to town for vengeance.

 Unfortunately, John Wick turns out to be, Baba Yaga (The Boogeyman), a hitman feared by all and famous for killing three men with one pencil. To protect his son, Viggo puts a bounty of 2 million dollars on his John's head and unleashes an army of killers to get him, including the enigmatic assassin, Marcus played by Willem Defoe and Miss Perkins, Adrianne Palicki, the ultimate femme fatale.

And that's the plot, more or less. What follows over the next 101 minutes is simply the best Western action film of the 21st Century so far. It is one glorious, relentless, unflinching continuous gun and fist fight for 95 fantastic minutes, from one audacious action set piece to the next, each more awe-inspiring that the last, the sequence in the night club will leave you blissfully dazed and that's just after the brilliant assault on his house by a gang of heavily armed men. But this isn't just a balls-out action film, there's also humour and great performances too, coupled to stylish direction and superb soundtrack.

Keanu Reeves gets mocked a lot for his wooden performances, but here he brings a world weariness and believability to the role. He gets beaten and takes knocks, no Arnie invincibility here. He might be the worlds most lethal killer but he's also vulnerable to blades, bullets and car crashes, of which there are many.

Simply cannot think of a reason not to love this film, it's just about the most fun I've had at the cinema in an absolute age and I loved it. Go and see it and have a blast, I just hope there's a sequel.

10/10