#9 DAD'S ARMY

Starring: Bill Nighy, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Toby Jones, Tom Courtenay, Michael Gambon, Blake Harrison, Daniel Mays and Bill Paterson. Written by Hamish McColl and directed by Oliver Parker. 100 minutes far too long.

The plot for there is one, just, sees Captain Mainwaring warned his band of bungling Home Guard oafs face the axe on the same day he learns there's a German spy in his area and a gorgeous reporter from the Lady Magazine arrives in town to write a feature on him. It's also the day he learns that his troop are scheduled to patrol one of sites crucial for the forthcoming D-Day Landing. Hmm, I wonder whether any of those plot devices are some how linked?

Doing away with any logic, this sees a truly inspired cast perform substandard impersonations of the original Dad's Army cast in a film so vile and repugnant that it fills me with a seething ball of rage just to write about it. The jokes are atrocious, the inaccuracies are numerous, glaring and infuriating. This is a film less funny than a cystoscopy. At times a farce, at others a broad pantomime and then just an embarrassment, there is nothing to recommend it. Catherine Zeta Jones acts so badly she could have been in a panto and the camera loves her so much it dollops on an inches worth of KY jelly just in case it gets lucky.

This is the sort of stupid made up comedy world that believes that every single man in town will fall in love with some well dressed flirtatious bint in a red dress and throw any logic or sense out of the window in the vain belief they'll get to shag her.

There's also an uncomfortable hatred  between Mainwaring and Sergeant Wilson that feels, at time mean-spirited and loathsome.

The whole film stumbles along from one boring plot point to the next before ending up in forced final act action showdown with the spy, and a U-Boat that redeems everyone and restores the status quo.

Seriously, if you loved the original show, then give this a miss. The original movie, with the original cast is a masterpiece in comparison to this.

Dad's Army, more like Dead Army.

2/10