2023 A REVIEW: THE BEST AND WORST OF IT.

FILMS OF 2023

So, that was, or is, 2023, a year filled with an actors and writers strike, the return of a much loved character for his swansong, while two huge franchises, one bloated and bland, the other thrilling and gripping both launched their penultimate instalments, and two movies one about a girl's doll and the other about the creator of the atom bomb that danced their way, hand in hand, to the top of the box office. And also it was the first year where I got to be a judge at an actual film festival, judging the animation category, which was a great honour and my thanks to the Ealing Film Festival for that honour.

This year I managed to visit the cinema 70 times and watch 67 films, 13 of which were reissues of classic films and 54 that were new movies. 

SO, here we go for the list no one wants or even cares about. 

First up, we have my list for the top ten movies of 2023.

TOP TEN OF 2023

1. GODZILLA MINUS ONE 10/10
"A superb, dramatic and emotional film that actually managed to make me well up with emotion in the final battle. And I simply cannot fault this film."

2. ASTEROID CITY 10/10
"Although most definitely not for everyone, I still believe that this is this years most delightful and unique film without a doubt."

3. RYE LANE 9/10
"It's been a while since I've seen something so joyful, funny and just so British. This was a wonderful little film and I thoroughly loved it. More please from everyone involved."

4. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: DEAD RECKONING PART 1. 9/10
"The first summer blockbuster that didn't disappoint and didn't elicit a 'that's better than I thought it would be.' I loved it, and can't wait to see it again."

5. BLACKBERRY 9/10
"Catch it if you can, it's a pacy, pithy, and phunny film!" 

6. SCALA!!! 9/10
"A great tribute to a great cinema and the pure nostalgic sense of euphoria it triggered was delightful. Plus it makes me want to go back and rewatch some of those films all over again!

7. BARBIE 8/10
"THIS is a funny, clever and thoroughly entertaining movie, that doesn't outstay its welcome, and most certainly doesn't need a male reviewer to mansplain it to any female readers."

8. THE GREAT ESCAPER 8/10
"It's not sentimental and it's not overly melodramatic, the script is moving and sincere, and very satisfying and I was still a tad overwhelmed by this several hours after watching it."

9. BABYLON 8/10
"A visual tour-de-force that left me dazed and breathless, but which also left the group of chums I saw this not only unmoved, and divided but openly hostile about it."

10. OPPENHEIMER 8/10
"Deeply satisfying yet somewhat disappointing." 

HONOURABLE MENTION

11. SALTBURN 8/10
"Darkly funny, sinister and refreshingly nasty."

ALL THE REST:
12. THE FLASH 8/10 (X2)

13. THE EQUALIZER 3 8/10

14. ARE YOU THERE, GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET 8/10

15. THE CREATOR 8/10

16. THE FABELMANS 8/10

17. KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON 8/10

18. RENFELD 8/10

19. SISU 8/10

20. FERRARI 7/10

21. NAPOLEON 7/10

22. SAW X 7/10

23. RISE OF THE FOOTSOLDIER: VENGEANCE 7/10

24. THEATRE CAMP 7/10

25. INDIANA JONES: DIAL OF DESTINY 7/10

26. M3GAN 7/10

27. CREED III 7/10

28. DUNGEONS & DRAGONS 7/10

29. NUN II 7/10

30. A HAUNTING IN VENICE 7/10

31. JOY RIDE 7/10

32. ELEMENTAL 7/10

33. THE CANTERVILLE GHOST 6/10

34. WANKA 6/10

35. SOUND OF FREEDOM 6/10

36. NO HARD FEELINGS 6/10

37. THE HUNGER GAMES BOSAS 6/10

38. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL 3 6/10

39. THE POPE'S EXORCIST 6/10

40. COCAINE BEAR 6/10

41. EVIL DEAD RISE 6/10

TOP TEN RE-ISSUES:
1. IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE 10/10

2. DIE HARD 10/10

3. ALIENS 10/10

4. SUPERMAN 10/10

5. SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS 10/10

6. THE WICKER MAN 10/10

7. STOP MAKING SENSE 10/10

8. THE EXORCIST 10/10

9. ENTER THE DRAGON 8/10

10. TITANIC 3D 8/10

OTHER RE-ISSUES SEEN

11. CHRISTINE 8/10

12. FRIDAY 13TH 7/10

13. LOVE ACTUALLY 6/10

WORST FILMS OF 2023 (IN DESCENDING ORDER)
10. ANT-MAN QUANTEDIUM 6/10
"At least it's less than three hours in length."

9. STRAYS 5/10
"Not a totally dog's dinner but nevertheless it sure as shit ain't the dog's bollox."

8. WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT? 5/10
"Smug, satisfying, simpering and sickeningly twee."

7. BLUE BEETLE 5/10
"Somehow This film delighted critics because, get this, it's not as shit as DCEU last few efforts, Blank Adam, Shazam: Furry Knob."

6. EXPEND4BLES 4/10
"The poster claims that 'they'll die when they're dead.' Sadly for the audience that doesn't come soon enough." 

5. HYPNOTIC 4/10
"Can't think of a single thing to recommend this. Quite literally the dullest film I've seen in an absolute age. And this from a director who once gave us the likes of El Mariachi, Sin City and Planet Terror."

4. THE MEG 2: THE TRENCH 3/10
"Shit, bland and almost completely without merit."

3. FAST AND FURIOUS X 3/10
"This is not a good film by any measure. in fact it's probably one of the worst films of the year."

2. TRANSFORMERS RISE OF THE BREASTS 2/10
"This isn't Fast X sort of shit which becomes funny cos it's so shit, this is just shit with a capital S.H.I.T."   

1. TRIANGLE OF SADNESS 1/10
"A total bag of piss, tied up with string and run over by a truck carrying liquid shit to a vomiting convention. Not worth even checking out for the Captain's Dinner scene. 

Wretched beyond belief."

NEW CATAGORY
TOP TEN MOST READ FILM REVIEWS

1. BARBIE 
2. THE FLASH
3. INDIANA JONES DIAL OF DESTINY 
4. OPPENHEIMER 
5. NAPOLEON 
6. TRANSFORMERS RISE OF THE BREASTS 
7. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 
8. ANT-MAN 
9. THE FABELMANS 
10. ASTERIOD CITY 
11. BLUE BEETLE