#02: THE BEEKEEPER

 

STARRING : Jason Statham, Emmy Raver-Lampman, Josh Hutcherson, Bobby Naderi, Minnie Driver, Phylicia Rashad and Jeremy Irons. Produced by Bill block, David Ayer, Chris Long, Jason Statham and Kurt Wimmer. Written by Kurt Wimmer and directed by David Ayers. Running time 105 minutes. 

The 'story' sees withdrawn, stoic beekeeper, Adam Clay (Jason Statham) a man of serenity, peace, bees and a deep dark secret mysterious past (I wonder what that will turn out to be?) living an almost monastic life tending to his bees. Everyday he's out there in the fields servicing his six hives and making honey, lots and lots of honey or electrocuting hornets. He's renting a shed from a kindly, old ex-school teacher and trustee of a multi-million dollar charity,  Eloise Parker (Phylicia Rashad) and together the two have built a sort of friendship. Things are lovely and rosey (although bees prefer lavender) until the kindly, old, ex-school teacher and charity trustee is scammed out of all her millions by a pishing scam run by a ruthless National criminal call-centre. In despair she shoots herself dead. And that's just in the first 10 minutes.

Typically Eloise chooses the one day she invited Clay round for a spot of dinner to kill herself, so he's the first one to discover her body. But before he can process his grief he's suddenly arrested by an incredibly potty-mouthed FBI agent Verona Parker, who turns out she's Eloise's daughter. Who also just so happened to stop by unannounced on the day her mother killed herself. What are the odds?

Wasting no time explaining his relationship to Eloise, or even attempt to talk to Parker, Clay is promptly arrested with extreme prejudice and processed (which will be helpful later on in the plot) You see with absolutely no evidence, Verona is convinced she's got her man. However seconds later he's released and she's sharing information about her mother's death and the scam call as if they were best buddies. 

With a flicker of an eye lash (the only time Clay shows any emotion at all) he's off to the call-centre with two massive tanks of gas to burn the place to the ground.

It turns out he's a retired 'Beekeeper', a completely autonomous covert agent with the authority to act as judge and executioner with extreme violence and no oversight. Gosh that was a surprise. 

What follows is Clay working his way up the food-chain from call-centre to call-centre to the very heart of the one of American's richest families, the Danforths! Turns out its wayward eldest son, Derek Danforth (Josh Hutcherson) isn't very nice. 

Vaguely hindered by ex-C.I.A director Wallace Westwyld (Jeremy Irons) who acts as Danforth's head of security and his veritable army of expendable hired guns, Clay's journey is never in doubt.

This is a by-the-numbers shot-em-up, the action is relentless and repetitive, saved only by the savagery of Stath's kills. And boy is he stoic with a capital STOIC, cos, it's Jas the Stath! Indeed THIS is the Stath's John Wick in all but name. The body count is in the hundreds, the Stath is unstoppable and seems to repel bullets almost magically. Sure he bleeds a bit and gets stabbed a bit but not enough to actually slow him down. Also he has this hilarious habit of just appearing up at scenes in the midst of a bunch of bad guys or a SWAT team dressed in his bomber jacket and baseball cap and just scowl. 

There's humour to be had but very little blood, even after fingers are severed by a buzzsaw. The script is risible and actually features the line, "To bee or not to bee." as well as many of your favourite action film dialogue tropes. Plus its use of profanity is off the chart and the use of the word 'fuck' is thrown around with such abandon it becomes quite irritating and shows a deeply lazy writer. 

The villains are the best thing in this and are so sleazy and despicable you find yourself cheering their gory gruesome deaths. There's a torture scene with a stapler that's a true stand out moment, plus the final showdown with a demented one-legged South African hitman which is worth the admission price alone. 

The direction by David Ayers he of The Fury, Bright and Suicide Squad (the first really awful one) is perfunctory at best and when it's not action it's lazy, it's clear Ayers ain't got time for the bits without guns. The plot is staggering stupid and the coincidences that trigger it are pure bunkum.

And one can't help but wonder at the absolutely intrusive product placement of Twinkies in this film, whenever the action cuts back to the two FBI investigators. Most bizarre. 

It's a stupid, silly, action film featuring actors and actresses far better than the subject matter requires. Back in the 1980s this sort of film would have been made far better by Cannon Films and featured Charles Bronson. 

This is a classic Ronsel movie, it does exactly what it says on the tin. It's not big, and it's not clever but it's amusing and entertaining in the way only bad movies can be.

6/10