Starring Danny Dyer, Geoff Bell, Stephanie Leonidas, Lex Shrapnel, Callum MacNab, Arty Dyer, Bailey Patrick and Janet Kumah. Written and directed by Nick Love. Running time 96 minutes.
Danny Dyer is Jack – a 45 year-old marching powder-snorting football thug with a failing marriage to Stephanie Leonidas (can't remember her character's name). After getting arrested for some football hooliganism (him not her), he's given six weeks to turn his life around by a judge or risk going to jail. So off he goes to save his marriage and his liberty. If his marriage fails his father-in-law who finances his life and who hates him will cut him off and throw him out. Add to the mix the following a son who adores Jack but is going off the rails. A gang of middle-aged drug addled mates and thugs.
Over the next 96 minutes, which will feel like six weeks, you'll get to watch the following:
1. Danny Dyer breaking the fourth wall every other minute to talk to us.
2. Danny Dyer taking drugs, lots of drugs.
3. Danny Dyer narrating, when he's not breaking the fourth wall.
4. Danny Dyer beating up a variety of people.
5. Danny Dyer with his shirt off. A lot.
6. Danny Dyer, much more of him.
Why did you go and see this, David? I hear you ask. A justified question. Well, in answer I have to say that I saw this so you don't have to. And more importantly my wife doesn't need to either, dear god I almost took her with me. I saw this because oddly enough I found the trailer to be rather good, and it felt like something altogether different in the pantheon of rom coms, it looked fresh and funny, with Danny Dyer deconstructing himself, I like the idea of a middle-aged man trying to turn his life round and plus it looked funny.
Oddly enough, I knew I was in a shit show when the film started and we were blessed with an atrocious animated prologue featuring the life of Jack from birth to his present and the first use of the word, 'cunt', which it would turn out to be the single most used word in the entire film, it's used as a verb, a noun, an adjective and a pronoun by everyone from Jack, to his wife, father-in-law, friends, son and even a nun in a scene I might have dreamed up when I nodded off.
There is no redemption arc, or even story arc for our Jack and his long suffering and vastly under used wife character, just scene after scene of Jack and his hilarious coked up friends beating the shit out of every body, getting stoned, wasted and off their tits before midly regretting their actions before doing it all over again. The funniest lines are in the trailer so save yourself by just watching that.
A dull, rather boring, unfunny and rather shitty little piece of shit of a movie, which Danny Dyer fans will no doubt love.
I on the other hand think it's worthy of a 2/10
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