#18: GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL 3.

 

Starring Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Karen Gillan, Pom Klementieff, Bradley Cooper, Chukwudi Lwuji, Will Poulter, Elizabeth Debicki, Maria Bakalova and Sylvester Stallone. Written and directed by James Gunn. Budget $250 million. Running time 150 exhausting minutes.

First the good news. This is the best MCU film since 2021's Spider-Man: No Way Home, knocking the likes of Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Muddleness, Sore: Love and Blunder, Black Panther: Wankers Forever, and Bland-Man and the Wasp: Quantum-tedium-ania into a shitty bin where they rightfully belong. 

Do you realise that there have been THIRTEEN superhero movies released in the last two years, with four more scheduled for this year. Seriously, that's far too many, the world doesn't need this many super-hero films, no wonder fatigue is setting in. 

Vol 3. sees our band of jolly murdering thugs desperately trying to save the life of Rocket Raccoon after Adam Warlock almost kills him following an unprovoked attack on their new headquarters in Knowhere, that huge drifting skull of a long dead Eternal. Discovering Raccoon has a kill switch attached to his heart that will explode if surgery is attempted, Starlord and the others set off for another romp across the galaxy killing and maiming whoever they decide needs to be killed or maimed to ensure their mission succeeds, which in this case means finding the shut-off code for the switch. Along the way the film cuts back to the origin of Rocket, where under the insanely cruel care of the High Evolutionary, Rocket and three other Earth animals including a rabbit, a sea-lion and an otter are horrifically experimented on and augmented with cybernetic and mechanical add-ons. It transpires the old Evolutionary is preparing to populate a new Earth with perfect violent free inhabitants that he himself has created. Meanwhile, he has sent Warlock and his mother to hunt down and capture Rocket. Meanwhile, Starlord is trying to get it on with the alternative version of Gamora. Meanwhile the brother of Yonda from the previous films is trying to master the whistling flying blade thingie. Meanwhile, look there's a lot going on in this film, too much to synopsis here. Just accept that there's a big bad villain at the end, who'll need to be vanquished in act 3 and before that lots of comings and goings and action beats which remind you of the good stuff from the first film, because a lot of it is repeated here, like the prison break.

Tonally, both stylistically and structurally, this film is an absolute mess. Throwing the poor viewer from one plot strand to the next with no set up, no context and absolutely no backstory. And heaven help you if you've never seen a Guardians film before or have forgotten Vol 1 and Vol 2. You'll get no help here. Indeed, you only find out who Will Poulter's Adam Warlock is a good 15 minutes after he first obliterates the Guardians' HQ and mortally wounds Rocket Raccoon (Bradley Cooper) giving the film it's half remembered main plot device - 'oh, we need to save Raccoon's life.' The film jumps from silliness to action to downright horror at the blink of an eye and any sense of internal logic or actual real-life consequences are dismissed as unnecessary, thus robbing this film once again of any gravitas or actual humanity, a problem shared with Thor, Ant-Man and most of the last two phases of the MCU. 

This is a nasty and savage film, with none of the fun of the first, it's a far nastier world and our heroes are all weary, jaded, seemingly bored and in Starlord's case alcoholic. The main villain, the fore-mentioned High Evolutionary is a horrific villain both in his methods-- 

SPOILER WARNING. SKIP THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ACTUAL SPECIFICS.

--he butchers with complete abandon and his demise is sure to have all the under 12 year-olds in the audience howling in terror and their parents reacting in sheer disgust at sight of a noseless man with his face literally hanging in disgusting tatters getting beaten to death. I was actually shocked by the gore and violence in this film. 

I went in enthusiastic and left 2 and a half hours later, weary and disappointed. I thoroughly enjoyed the first Guardians film, and The Suicide Squad and think James Gunn is a good film maker, some of the shots he orchestrates in this are superb, especially as he weaves his camera through extended action scenes in breathless single takes, plus the look of the film with its glut of varied alien worlds and races is delightful, it looks so damn beautiful, but I felt this was a mean-spirited and savage film that seems it couldn't care less about what its core audience of under 12s will think of the animal cruelty, violence and outlandish gore. And I certainly wouldn't suggest this as suitable for any younger children. 

Gunn seems more determined to get away with gross-out humour than in delivering another fun and genre breaking film like the first Guardians movie.

And where as I liked the effects and production design I didn't like the story. No sir, I did not like it at all. 6/10

Oh and if you're sticking round for the end credits bit... 

I wouldn't bother, but if you do, don't say I didn't warn you.