#08: ARGYLLE

 

STARRING: Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Bryan Cranston, Catherine O'Hara, Henry Cavill, Sofia Boutella, Dua Lipa, Ariana DeBose, John Cena and Samuel L. Jackson. Music by Jorne Balfe. Written by Jason Fuchs. Directed by Matthew Vaughn. Budget $200 million. Running time (urgh) 139 minutes.

Aarghylle is a massive disappointment on many levels, not least in the acting, script, direction, soundtrack, production design, CGI effects and overall enjoyment. 

The labyrinthine plot that twists and turns in every scene sees insanely successful neurotic, cat-obsessed spy novelist, Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard) suddenly catapulted into a blisteringly bewildering global-trotting spy romp when real-life spy, Aidan (Sam Rockwell) saves her from an attempted abduction by a snatch squad of agents from a sinister organisation known as the Division, run by a man called Ritter (Bryan Cranston). 

It turns out that Elly's series of Arghylle novels, featuring a super secret agent called Argylle (Henry Cavill), have the uncanny ability to predict the future and they want the location of something called the Masterkey that she's writing about. 

Then it's just a repetitious series of blood-free gun battles and CGI aided and abetted ultra violence all tailored to a 12A audience as Elly, her cat, and Aidan travel the world from one location to the next, with the odd cameo turning up to lend a hand. Gone the relentless violence of Kingsman that was delivered with real verve, style and emotional stakes. Replaced instead by increasingly tedious twists and plot turns that multiply as the not-so-shocking truths are revealed, like just what is the connection between Elly and her creation Arghylle, and why is he talking to her? Either way, you soon pass the point of not caring and just zone out. The trouble is the whole film thinks it's far cleverer than it actually is.

The worse thing about the whole shitty mess, apart from its run time of 139 minutes, is just how cheap and bland it looks, interiors by Ikea, most locations, save a vineyard, feel digital, just one more drone assisted establishing shot of some city or location before cutting to a cheap and tacky set. The soundtrack is horribly intrusive and invades every frame, but it's the lack of teeth that most jars. The relentless violence that pervades this film has no cost nor bite, it's all so effortless and consequence free that it becomes boring, there's never any sense the heroes are playing for any real stakes and overcome every encounter thrown, stabbed, or shot at them with ease, and the over reliance on CGI-enhanced action doesn't help one bit either.

Despite featuring Sam Rockwell, an actor who exudes charisma and charm by the bucket load, and featuring performances from John Cena as the fictitious Argylle's sidekick, Samuel L Jackson as the ex-head of the CIA, Bryan Cranston as the head of Division, and Catherine O'Hara as Elly's mother it's the lead who does the most damage. Bryce Dallas Howard comes across wooden and awkward, and she never feels comfortable in her role, particularly in the action sequences when she's expected to fight and shoot. Similarly, Henry Carvill, who isn't in this film a lot, despite playing the role of Argylle and featuring heavily in the trailer, is as equally disappointing as Howard, and it's hard to work out whether it's him or the stupid flat topped headed character in a three piece green velvet suit he's playing that's to blame, because he comes across so wooden he's almost tree-like. What happened to the Henry Carvill of Mission Impossible: Fallout? 

This is a film clearly influenced by the vastly superior films like, Jewel in the Nile, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Bourne Identity, and even to a lesser extent 2022's Lost City and last year's Bullet Train, but which falls painfully short of them all and just leaves you wanting to watch those again rather than this, even Lost City, which at least was funny(ish).   

I've been, mostly, a fan of Vaughns previous work, Layer Cake, Kickass, X-Men: First Class, Kingsmen: Secret Service and Kingsman are particularly enjoyable and very satisfying but this, horrible little franchise bating effort is without a doubt his worse. The ending with its hateful sequel baiting leaves one not with a cry of 'oh boy', there's another one coming!' but rather than an 'oh god, there's another one coming!' groan of weariness.

4/10